Psychology Self-Help | Self Help

In this edition of the Wise Counsel Podcast, Dr. Van Nuys interviews Dave Herz and Leslie Potter of Vive! Inc., a therapeutic mentoring and parent coaching service. Based in Boulder, Colorado, Vive serves families with teens in crisis using a creative and variation on an intensive outpatient model. Three therapists engage with family members: a "mentor" works with the teen, a "parenting coach" works with the parents and one who works with the family system in a supervisor role. Much of the work happens out in the community rather than in the consulting room. Terms like mentor and coach are used to denote that the relationships involved are both less formal and broader than what would normally be thought of as therapy. In particular, the mentor functions as a "Big Brother/Sister" in very hands on community-based ways so as to promote the teen's safety, social and occupational functioning and ultimately, ability to relate to the parents. Similarly, the parent coach helps the parents to solve problems in their social and occupational spheres (such as unemployment, chronic marital arguing, etc.) which interfere with their ability to be good parents. Additionally, the coach and mentor serve as a buffer and a lens through which, respectively, the parents and the teen can learn to better understand each other, and ultimately work towards bettering their relationship. Through this entire process, the Vive team members emphasize what they call a "heart-centered" model, which is very much in the spirit of Carl Roger's conceptions of unconditional positive regard and the client-centered approach.

David Van Nuys: Welcome to Wise Counsel, a podcast interview series sponsored by Mentalhelp.net, covering topics in mental health, wellness, and psychotherapy. My name is Dr. David Van Nuys. I'm a clinical psychologist and your host.

On today's show we'll be talking with Dave Herz and Leslie Potter, both of whom are with Vive, Incorporated, a therapeutic mentoring and parent coaching service. Dave Herz is founder and also director of therapeutic services at Vive. Dave has an M.A. in Education from the University of Colorado, Boulder. He's a certified psychotherapist and has worked with kids and families as a teacher, counselor, therapist, mentor and coach for more than 20 years. Leslie Potter is director of training and parent coach support at Vive. In 2004, she joined Vive as a parent coach, creating and implementing Vive's parent coaching model. In addition to delivering nurturing support to hundreds of Vive parents, Leslie's passion is teaching and training her colleagues in the heart-centered model. She is also the founder of Pure Joy Parenting, based in Boulder, Colorado, and has been in private practice for 19 years as a master's level, body-oriented psychotherapist.

Now, here's the interview.

Dave Herz and Leslie Potter, welcome to Wise Counsel.

Leslie Potter: Thank you.

Dave Herz: Thank you.

David: Let's start with you, Dave. Tell us a bit about your background and training.

Dave Herz: I've got a master's in education, and I was a high school teacher for a number of years and from there sort of morphed into getting my psychotherapy degree because I wanted to work more one-on-one with individuals. And I got that and went into private practice for a number of years, and then from there spun off and created Vive.

David: Okay, and your current role at Vive, then, is…

Dave Herz: I wear a number of hats at Vive. I'm the founder and president, and in addition to that, I'm the director of therapeutic services. So I oversee the clinical side of the house.

David: Okay, and Leslie, let's have you introduce yourself.

Leslie Potter: I was trained in a body centered psychotherapy process called Alia process, so I've been a practitioner of that for almost 20 years now. And then I adopted my daughter when I was 44 years old as a single parent, so parenting became my true love; that became my dedication. And I've known Dave for probably 19 years now, so when I was ready to come back into the work field after being with my daughter and staying with her for a few years, Dave invited me to come to Vive and begin to create a parenting model in our heart-based model that we use.

David: Okay, and we'll be getting to that model in a little bit, but maybe we should start, Dave - or either one of you really - talking a bit about what is Vive.

Dave Herz: I can begin with that and, Leslie, jump in whenever you feel. But Vive is a program that works with families who are struggling with a teenager or young adults. And we've been doing that for about 10 years, and we do that in a little bit different way, in that when a family comes in to Vive, they actually get a number of practitioners. The teenager or young adult gets what we call a therapeutic mentor - that is a therapist that works with the kids. And then the parents get a parent coach that is a therapist that's all theirs. So there's two different practitioners working on the team.

And we do that purposely because we're a relationship based program, and we're built on authenticity, and we want the kids to have someone that's really their own, that they're working with, and that they feel is on their side. And then the parents have their own person. And then a third person oversees that whole team - we call them the therapeutic team leader - and they're working behind the scenes to support the team in doing a good job.

And what makes it a little more different, also, is that the mentor that's working with the young adult or teenager is not working in an office setting; it's more a real world, community based approach where we're out there, meeting them sort of on their turf and building that relationship, and then building competence through action, not just through talking. So we might be helping them find jobs; we might be there when they get fired from a job. So we're really involved in their lives. And, Leslie, maybe you can explain a little bit about the parents' role in this.

Leslie Potter: Yeah, we feel that the parents are the major, safe, emotional container for the teen. So, often when their families come in, the family is in a quite a turbulent state; there's not a lot of emotional safety for anyone in the family. So as we have that young teen out in the world, working with an unconditionally loving presence of a mentor and helping them grow, the parent coach is over on the parents' side, really helping them come into their work and how they can begin to work with some of their triggers, the things that are happening in their lives, so that they can be that emotionally safe place for the child to come.

And that's our eventual goal, to get that relationship connected again, to make that a safe place where the teen can come back to the parent, and know that that parent's going to be there and really be able to be a guide with them, or an influence, not a controlling force.

David: Okay, now, when I was on your website, which is very instructive, I somehow got the impression that all the work that you're doing is online. But from what you said, Dave, I now have the impression that maybe there actually is some physical meetings.

Dave Herz: Yes, I would say actually most of our work is face-to-face, so the mentors are working with the kids. They're always meeting at least once a week face-to-face. There's a lot of phone calls and text messaging in between, but it's all really built on that actual contact in person. And then the parent coaching tends to happen probably 50% on the phone, other 50% in person. So there is a lot of in person contact.

David: Okay, somehow that didn't come through to me when I was on your website. You might want to think about that, because that really changes my take on the program quite a bit and probably would also affect other people's take on it as well. So I don't know if you already mentioned this: how old is Vive?

Dave Herz: Vive is in it's 10th year.

David: And how did you come up with this model? It seems like a very interesting model.

Dave Herz: It was a very organic process, David. Between private practice and creating Vive, I was working for a company that worked within what's called the therapeutic boarding school industry, and this is an industry where young adults or teens typically go off to wilderness programs for one to two months and then on to long-term treatment programs. And then, when they come home, it was seen that they needed some kind of transition to make that transition from that very structured environment to the real world. And I went to work for that company, so I got to know really what that whole industry was all about. What I saw was that, in that program I worked for, it was still very structured, and there were young adults 18 to 25 that were still living in a place where their food was paid for, their rent was paid for. It was still pretty easy for them. So I just thought we needed to morph into more of a community based program that didn't actually have brick and mortar, that you're really sort of out in the real world. And that's what we did; we just sort of branched off and started doing it.

David: So I gather you felt that it would be more effective to intervene in their real world lives than to have them off in a sort of retreat setting.

Dave Herz: We did. Not that that's not beneficial for some kids - they need to go to that retreat setting - but at some point, they've got to return to the real world, and they're going to need support on how to take what they've learned and incorporate it into what's happening in the real world. And so that's why we have these mentors, who are right there in the real world with them. They're there helping them find jobs or with school, but they're there when they fall down, when they just got in a fight with their parents or with their girlfriend, or they failed the test, or they got fired from a job. We show up and we're right there when it's happening.

David: And you're available 24 hours a day, if I recall.

Dave Herz: We don't say that. There's a little difference: we're available around the clock, not 24/7, and there is a difference. I think I'll let Leslie sort of answer that.

Leslie Potter: Well, if a family is in crisis or we know that they're going to need us, on the parent coach side, we make sure that our phones are on. But we also have lives, and like for me, I set a boundary around 9:00 at night unless I know that a parent really is going through a difficult time, and then I make myself available. The mentors are a little bit more available; they have a little bit more connection because the kids often aren't waking up at 10:00 at night sometimes. So each mentor kind of sets their schedule, and they do it specifically with each kid. They'll start to realize what their hours are, when they need support, and they all set it around their needs.

Dave Herz: I would say with that, David, especially with the mentors, that we want to be there when the sort of juicy moment and the opportunity for growth happens. So it's not unusual; when I was a mentor I, at times, was up at 1:00 in the morning, going down to juvie to pick a kid up and go to a coffee shop and talk about what happened. So we want to be there.

David: This makes me wonder if, to any extent, these people are court referred.

Dave Herz: You know, very few, although we have worked with kids who, when we go to court with them because they have a court hearing, and they hear that they're doing Vive, the judge just jumps right in and says, "Well, you keep doing that. We're going to make that part of your probation." But we don't get a lot of direct court referrals.

David: I would think that that would be a terrific market for you. Do the courts really know about what you're doing? It sounds like really a great model.

Dave Herz: Thank you. We've tried breaking into the court system. The problem is a lot of people that get referred to the courts have financial issues, and a lot of them can't afford us, unfortunately.

David: Okay, and I guess since we're on that topic, can you say anything about what the financial structure is?

Dave Herz: Sure. We work monthly. We recommend to people, though, that for best results, they stay in the program a year. But it is month-to-month, and it ranges from $2,700 to $3,000 a month for the full program, which is one 2-hour meeting a week with a mentor, and one 1-hour meeting a week with the parent coach. We include a family meeting in there once a month, if it's necessary, with the whole team. What's included in that is those in-between phone calls and text messages and crisis calls.

David: Okay, so people probably need to be in a pretty fair state of crisis, to have a young person who's acting out and they're at their wit's end, it sounds like, in order to be motivated to kind of commit to that kind of money. And, by the way, does insurance reimburse for the program?

Dave Herz: They do some. We will create an insurance bill for parents, and typically they've had success getting reimbursement for the mentoring piece; more difficult to get reimbursement for the parent coaching piece, for whatever reasons. So, typically, they can get somewhere between 25% to 50% reimbursement.

David: Okay. So what are some of the typical scenarios for how people find you and presenting problems?

Leslie Potter: I'd just like to go back one step because Dave was talking to you, really, about the mentoring part. And I just wanted to speak about in our program, when Dave started the program, that he was basically pretty much a full mentoring program because he loves being with the kids. And when I came in five years ago, Dave began to see that the parents were such a critical piece, that this was a family systems model, and if he didn't have the parents on board, that the kids - he could get them to a certain place, but there wasn't a full movement in the whole family.

So five years ago, we really opened up into bringing the parents in, creating the services for them because we really feel that they are the mature ones, and they have such an incredible influence on their kids, and they are a powerful force in the family. So we found that when we began to open up to a new way of being, helping the parents rebuild their relationship with their family, with the kids, that things began to exponentially shift in the family.

So I just wanted to really stress that, for people that are listening. We really try to empower the parents back into having joyful parenting again because, many times when they get to us, they feel like hostages in their home. They feel like they don't even want to get up in the mornings. They feel like their kids are the CEOs of the emotions in the home. So it's very exciting when we start to see the whole system shift, and the parents are usually the lead.

David: That's a good segue into what are some typical scenarios that lead to people seeking help? What's going on in the family or with the kids that will… what are some of the typical scenarios that will drive people to seek out your services?

Leslie Potter: Many scenarios. I'll give you an example. One family came; their daughter was 15 and basically had left home, was on the streets. She was living out there by herself or with friends and was doing drugs, and they were just scared to death. So we'll have people that come in with those situations. We have situations where families come in where kids - their grades are really going down. They won't get up and go to school; they decide that they're just not going to do school. So there's a lot of power struggles with families that will show up many different ways. We have kids that might be abusing drugs. So when families come to us, it's usually something where there's a lot of - a feeling of powerlessness, especially within the parents.

David: Okay, and how do people find you? How do they find out about the service?

Dave Herz: A lot of them right now find us either through our website or through the programs themselves, those long-term treatment and wilderness programs that they're coming out of. Or if they've hired a person that's called an educational consultant, and these are people who families hire to find good placements for their kids. They're really the experts in the field, and they know a lot about us. Then one of the things we're going to be doing, David, over the next month is really increasing our web presence, so that families are going to be able to find us much easier on the web.

David: Yeah, what kinds of search terms are they using when they do find you? Do you know?

Leslie Potter: I think a lot of times they're "troubled teens," "at risk teens."

Dave Herz: "Drug abuse," "out of control," those kind of things.

David: Well, Leslie, you're one of the creators of what you've described as a love-based parenting model. Now, I would hope that all parenting would be love-based, but you must mean something in particular. So tell us about your model.

Leslie Potter: Yes, I'll compare it a little bit with our traditional parenting models. And, again, I totally agree that we're all trying to come from a place of love, that we love our children. And yet what happens in the traditional parenting model that we saw out there, and what most of us were using, is that the focus was more on modifying the teen's behavior through consequencing, punishment, or rewards and control.


So when you look at any one of those things - consequences, punishments, rewards, control, any of those - a lot of it they're based on fear. So even though we may love our child, we are using fear techniques to try to get our child to behave in a certain way.

So in the heart-based model that we use, we see behavior as a communication, and through our deep relationship with our child, we seek to understand the root cause of this behavior, and then, therefore, that opens us up to being with our teen on a deep level.

What that looks like for parents is that we really work on our own triggers. We take responsibility for our own feelings and try to, as I say, set up that unconditionally loving presence for our teens so that we can actually be that guide. We can be on the journey with them instead of trying to live into our agendas for them.

David: Now, I didn't warn you about this in advance, but I wonder if maybe some kind of case history comes to mind that would help us to see and understand what you're talking about. Is there an example that comes to mind?

Leslie Potter: Yes, I can give you an example. I'm going to change it a little bit around, but an example of, let's say, this 15-year-old boy that was on the streets, not living at home because there'd been so much control, not going to school, was drug dealing, was out, just completely gone. And so the parents sent this young man to a program, and he was out in the program for about eight weeks and a lot of growth happened; parents did their work and the kid did also.

But when they came back home, they began to really put strong parameters on the child and began to ground all these rules, boundaries - you have to do this, you have to do this - a lot of control; a lot of punishment and consequences when the child didn't come into the rules and the boundaries. And so, within two weeks, this young man was back out on the streets again.

So when this family came to us at Vive, the decision was do we send them off to a long-term program, or how do we be with this situation? So we began to work very deeply with the parents' agendas, with their triggers and what was happening for them. We made sure in our program - what's so lovely about it is we did have a mentor with this child in the world, so we basically knew where he was; we knew who he was hanging out with, so the parents got to have some level of safety, even though we can't guarantee that safety. We did know that there was a connection being made.

So with that connection happening, what could happen in the parental model was that the parents could start to relax their fear and their agenda for their son. So what we recommended for them was to begin to invite him to tea. On Thursday at 3:00 they were going to show up at Starbucks, and they would invite him, and they would say, "We'll be there at tea. If you'd like to come, that's great. If you don't, we'll still be there." So he would always show up, and during that time of tea, we would encourage them not to talk about: Are you going to school? Where are you living? What are you doing? Just to have a relationship with their son, to be with him, to enjoy him.

So this happened for a couple of weeks. Then they would start to do dinners. They would say, "We're going to be at this restaurant at 7:00. Love for you to come. If you're not, we'll be there." He ended up going on a rock climbing trip with his father; same thing: "Be here at 3:00 on Friday. If you want to go, love to have you." Went on a trip with his mom.

As this began to happen, the parents began to relax more and more because they began to love who their child was again. They began to see who they were instead of fighting that battle. Within two months, they heard a noise upstairs one night, up in the room upstairs where he lived, and they realized that he was coming in up on the roof and sneaking in. And I remember the parents so deeply saying, "We were so excited to hear the pitter-patter of those feet up there because we knew he was home."

So within three months, this kid was back home having the best relationship he had ever had. He chose to go back to school on his own; he sat in session and said, "I wanted to do it for me, not for them." Got a job and within, I would say, probably, I think it was about six months from when they started till Christmas, and they said they had the greatest Christmas they'd ever had with their family together and connection.

David: Well, that's a wonderful story, a great example to be able to pull out on the spur of the moment. Now, I notice your program describes itself as offering "therapeutic mentoring" and "parent coaching" and seems to be steering away from saying that you're therapists. I'm assuming there's some kind of conscious process behind that. Dave, maybe you could speak to that.

Dave Herz: Well, it's evolved over the years. That started more so with the kids. The kids that we worked with, especially if they were coming out of program, had been what they would say "over-therapized" and they were tired of therapists. So if they knew they were coming home and had to start working with a therapist again, they would have rebelled against it. So we changed it to mentors. First, it was just mentor, and it was more than just therapy because we were out there doing a lot of big brothering, big sistering, also. But the nice thing for the parents was is that these mentors were also therapists, who could have a deep level of communication and understanding of process, and when they need to pull out those tools, they could. And they do arise. But we just didn't want the kids to shy away. The parents don't really have as much of a issue with their parent coach being a therapist, but Leslie, maybe you can speak a little bit to this. I think some of them do shy away from wanting to be in therapy.

Leslie Potter: Yeah, and we found that the parent coach model actually works better because it's a more in the present moment model. As I say, you can be in session every week and have tremendous insights, but when you're in the middle of that action, when you're screaming at your child, it's really hard to stop, no matter how many insights you have.

So in our parent coaching model we try to bring it more to present moment awareness, such as if a mom is in that place of yelling, we've worked on some skills for her to be able to stop, take a breath, maybe go out and pick up the phone and call me. I may not be available, but just that she made that movement to step away from that argument and go to the phone, gives her what we call a grace gap, where she can begin to pull herself together and then be available for her child. If she's able to work her triggers in a present moment arena, then she's going to be able to show up for her child in a different way. So we just find that - as I say, I've been a therapist for a year. I actually like the parent coach model better; it puts me much more in a present moment.

David: Well, actually, I've heard of therapists who are now calling themselves coaches, I think partly for that same reason of the word therapy has so many connotations, and some of those connotations, unfortunately, are negative in the public perception. Dave, you were talking about big brothering and big sistering and Leslie gave us an example, kind of, of a case perspective from the point of view of working with the parents. Maybe you can give us one from the point of view of the mentoring of the kids.

Dave Herz: Sure, I'd love to. When I started the program, I was a mentor, and it's very dear to me. And I look at our mentors as super-charged big brothers and big sisters, and that they're therapists also, who know how to show up in the real world. So one of the kids that I worked with - I tell this story many times - is a young man who was 20 years old, who did not have a drug problem at all, but he had such low confidence that he had dropped out of high school, even though he was the star soccer player. And he was really struggling finding a job, and he didn't even want to find a job. He was really stuck on his couch, basically, not working and being very, very angry - not dangerous in any way, but just, you know, he could kick a hole in the door or something like that - he was just very angry.

To me, it was obvious he was just terrified, and he wasn't going to let his parents help him because they're his parents. So, as I came in as mentor, we built a relationship and if he didn't want to go back to school, then it made sense that, you know, you're 20, go find a job. But I didn't even approach that until I had built a relationship, and we did that through food because we both love food, and we would go out and eat, and go find the greasiest dives we could find. And through that, we built a relationship.

And then when it became time to find a job, it was very clear to me, even though the speak he was saying was: "There's no good jobs out there; they're all stupid, and they don't pay enough. But under that, he was just terrified. And once our relationship was strong enough, and we started looking for a job, that's when it was clear to me. This was not a young man where I could say, "Let's make a list of places to go look for a job, and let's report back to me in a week." Nothing got done. So I was like, "Well, let's go together." And when we pulled up, literally, to a pet food store that had a help wanted sign, I could see that his hand was literally shaking. And I realized he was just terrified.

So that was the first baby step, was "hey, do you want me to go in with you?" And he was like, "No, I can do it." Went in, literally just got the application, but that was a success. And so for me as a mentor it wasn't like "no big deal; why were you making that such a big deal?" It was like "hey, way to go." And then I was like, "Let's go to the next step." And he was like, "What's that?" And I'm like, "Well, let's fill it out." So we filled it out together, and that was a whole process because he didn't know how to do that and actually speak highly of himself.

So a long story a little shorter was we took all those steps until he finally did get that job, and I was with him every step of the way. And so that's what our mentors really do. It's what we call action therapy; it's showing up and being there. And I got news for you: that 20-year-old young man, he lost his job a week later because he walked off the job, and I was right there when that happened to support him around his emotions of what happened at that time, so that he could get back on the horse the next day and go out and job hunt some more. So that's really what our mentors do really well.

Leslie Potter: And as you can imagine, David, the parents can't do that, usually, because of their triggers and their agendas. So it's really hard for them. When the kid walks in, they want him to get that job right away. Or if they lose the job, they're all upset. So they get so invested in their agendas around that, that like Dave said, they can't stay that rhythm. They can't see the successes with their child. So it just puts a lot of space in there, and then, as the parent coach, I can be letting them know this is how the mentor's working with your child, this is what's happened. When they say, "Well, he lost the job," I can say, "We're so excited. This is great, that he lost the job," because now he's going to get to work through why he can't stay at a job or what happens for him.

So we're always reframing; as a parent coach, we're helping the parents see from different eyes because the mentor doesn't have all those many agendas and all the expectations on the young teens. It's beautiful; they get to see through the mentor's eyes, and then I get to guide them with: All of these challenges are opportunities; they're opportunities to press, to see where we can build the relationship again, and meet that teen where they really are, get them the support they need to move forward.

David: You know, it sounds like such a wonderful model, and right now there's this national discussion, debate, going on about changes to health care. I almost wonder if something like this shouldn't be supported by government. Do you have any thoughts about that and whether or not it would be feasible for there to be some kind of either government support or government operated program along these lines?

Dave Herz: I love that idea. We haven't taken that discussion quite that far, David, but we have had discussion, even before our new president came into office and the discussions around health care. It's how can health care companies offer this as part of their benefits? And we have started discussions around that. It takes a while, but it's something that I would love to take to the next level and for it to be government sponsored.

Leslie Potter: Because you were talking about parents that get to us are usually in major crisis, our favorite work is preventative work. When we can get a family that notices things are starting to go off a little bit, and they come in with their 13-,14-year old, and we can get it right at the get-go, it's so wonderful.

David: Yes, so let's see if we can sort of move towards some things that might be useful to parents who are listening. How can a parent know when their teen is just experimenting with things versus when it's time to be worried about their teen's behavior?

Leslie Potter: I look at it very differently. First of all, that's an external, so I look at the parent in really supporting them and having a very strong relationship with their teen, if they make themselves an open and available person for their teen, and with their curiosity, they're trying to build a communication and a connection where that teen is actually always sharing with them.

What happens often: let's say a kid goes out and tries marijuana. They come home, and they tell the parent that they tried it. If that parent has a trigger, or they go to the future - like "oh, my God; they're going to be a drug addict now" - their fear, the way I describe it is, it closes down their heart. So all of a sudden, they put a barrier up between them and their child, so the teen doesn't feel like it's safe any longer.

So what do they do? They kick off of that wall, and they start going to their peers, or they start going to other people because they are experimenting at that point. So they'll go to other people instead of their parents. So I always work with parents first of all as to make that the most important piece of your parenting - what is that relationship?

When you are triggered - because you will be when your daughter comes home and tells you she's had sex for the first time, it may trigger you - and can you really take ownership of that trigger, breathe through it and be there and get curious? Be happy, open to, that your child wants to come and tell you about their experiences. Then, at that level, you will know, and you will be able to begin influence with them.

David: Okay, you know a challenge that many parents face these days is knowing what sorts of limits to place on their teen's digital life. For example, how can a parent talk with their teens about texting or what I guess is being called "sexting" now, the Internet and technology? We're hearing so much about privacy and Facebook these days and so on. Say a bit about that.

Leslie Potter: Again, how I work with parents around that is, first of all, we have to see that this is the place where our teens get their excitement and their joy. When they open up to that, that opens them up to their peer groups, to their friends. So when we look at it that way, we're like, "Oh, okay, so my child is getting an experience that's bringing them expansion, bringing them joy. But it closes me down because I get scared. If I get afraid, then I want to control that experience instead of giving them something that brings joy, which would be our relationship."

So I would tell parents if you're going to take something away from your child, if you're going to limit their texting, if you're going to do that, it has to be in the name of "I see that that experience is an incredible one for you. It keeps you connected, makes you feel popular, it makes you feel whatever it makes you feel. And I want to create that in our relationship. So can we find time to be together?" So that's always the anchor; you're trying to pull your child back, so that they can get connection with you. Because if you're always the one saying no, no, no, and control, control, control, where do you think they want to go? They want to go to the place that's bringing them joy, which is the texting, right?

David: Right.

Leslie Potter: But they look over at us, and we've got this sour face, going no, no, I know what's best for you. And they're going the other way. So I always help parents to try to see it's not the texting, it's not the computers, it's not those things. It's what those things give your teen. And if you can really go into that and be with them and meet them in that place, you're going to have a stronger capacity. You won't be able to stop it all - and that's not the goal - but you will be able to move them back into a balance, so that they're getting some of that connection and that nourishment with you, as the parent.

David: What's your advice for dealing with negative behaviors such as defiance, disrespect, lying?

Leslie Potter: Well, first we try to support the parents in working with their own triggers when these behaviors arise. As soon as you make a judgment about a behavior, and you have a belief that you need it to be different, you're not in the present moment with the child, and therefore, you can't hear the communication that the child is trying to tell you underneath that behavior.

As I said in the beginning, we see behavior as a communication. I always tell parents, when you're really angry and you're pissed off at your partner, are you pretty? Do you go up and say, "Oh, I'm angry. Can you help me?" Right? We yell, we scream, we call people names, but we expect our teen to come to us and say it the right way.

So when we really look inside and realize when our teen, maybe, is disrespecting us or screaming at us in our face, that they're trying to communicate to us about a state of being that they're in. And when we can really, as I always say, even take some of that - like "tell me more" - if we don't take it personally, and if we don't get triggered into our past response or what it brings up in us, we can actually see that our child, maybe, is really struggling inside. They must be hurting.

Often, when you can really be there for a child and hear them, they may tell you. They came in and yelled at you, but what happened was their girlfriend just dumped them. And if they don't have a safe place to tell that, that comes out sometimes in "it's all your fault, Mom" because that's the safest place they can go. And then if Mom takes that personally and thinks that they're being defiant, and "you must talk to me a different way," now she needs them to be okay and treat her in a way, and she can't really show up for them.

David: Yeah. Leslie, do you have any books that you ever recommend to parents?

Leslie Potter: Well, we are getting - can I say this, Dave?

Dave Herz: Absolutely.

Leslie Potter: We're getting ready to - we just sent our book to the presses, David.

David: Honestly, I didn't know that.

Leslie Potter: Yes, I think it went yesterday to the presses, so we should have a book out, probably, about the second week in September, Dave?

Dave Herz: Yes, it'll be out the second week in September.

Leslie Potter: Yes, and it's going to be called Chaos to Connection, and it's nine heart-centered essentials for parenting your teen. So we are real excited about it because it is definitely cutting edge, we feel, because it's all about the parents. It's not about controlling or behavioral modification techniques for the teen; it's more about how the parent can really come back into themselves, get in touch with their triggers and their awareness, and show up as that unconditionally loving presence.

David: Wonderful. Now, on your website, I see you've expanded to a number of cities around the country. I guess you started in Denver, and now you're in Atlanta and San Francisco and Los Angeles and Chicago, New York City, Boston, Austin, Texas, and San Antonio. Do you have future expansion plans beyond these?

Dave Herz: We do, and we'll just sort of follow wherever there's a need, David. So as our book comes out - and it's actually more than a book; it's a book and four DVDs - and when that boxed set comes out, hopefully we'll start to learn where there's more demand, and we'll go where that is. Right now we see that, possibly, we could be Seattle or Portland or Minneapolis, Tampa. But, wherever it is, we plan on opening, within the next 12 months, another five to ten more markets, and we'll just let demand dictate where that needs to be. But what we have learned over the last few years, is how to go out and find good quality mentors and parent coaches in a timely manner. So we're ready to mobilize as necessary.

Leslie Potter: And I just want to say one other thing about the book. We're really excited because we feel we can get this out to people that can't afford our full services. So that's where we wanted to give something to people that actually can't afford and actually can begin to start using that within their home.

David: I'm glad you raised that because it just sort of popped into my mind to wonder if, given the costs, if this is sort of strictly a white middle class clientele.

Dave Herz: Right, and that's a good point you bring up, and it has been that way. And that's not our goal down the road; we want to make sure that Vive is available for everybody, and one of the ways to do that is to put out this product. And the other way is, eventually, our goal is to be able to create some kind of a foundation/non-profit that sits next to Vive that can scholarship families. And that is something that will happen at some point, and we hope that the product can be a launching pad for that.

David: Yeah, that sounds like a wonderful idea. Well, as we wind down, I wonder if there are any final thoughts that you'd like to leave our audience with, maybe either some question I haven't asked you or something you're dying to say.

Leslie Potter: Well, I would just love to say, because many times when I work with the parents this way, they begin to feel a lot of guilt and feel bad about, maybe, how they have parented in the past. And I really work with trying to release parents. We're learning new things every day about the brain, of how the brain works, how stress works with the body; and we've all done the best that we can do with the knowledge that we've had.

So, as all these new things are arising, this heart-based approach, or being more in relationship, I just really support parents in really knowing that, as you said, it's all based in love. They did the very best that they could; their children are doing the very best that they can. And if we can start from that basis, even with all the chaos and craziness that's going on, if we can all know that we've done the best we can with the knowledge that we have, then we can step off on a new journey.

Dave Herz: And I would add to that, Leslie, that always what amazes me about parents that come to Vive - and they do come with a lot of shame and guilt - is that they've been through such challenging times, and they never give up on their child, and that's what we hold. They're really warriors, and the fact that they just will not give up is astounding to me, and so we really admire all the parents that come to us.

David: Okay, well, Dave Herz and Leslie Potter, this is a wonderful program you've described, and I really want to thank you for being my guest today on Wise Counsel.

Leslie Potter: Thank you, David.

Dave Herz: Thank you for having us.

David: I hope you enjoyed this conversation with Dave Herz and Leslie Potter. As far as I know, the program they've created is unique, and it sounds like it provides a valuable service to those who can afford it. And, perhaps, as I suggested, it also provides something of a model for government supported programs. However, the current economic climate probably makes that a long shot. If you're interested in learning more about Vive, you'll find their website at www.vivenow.com.

You've been listening to Wise Counsel, a podcast interview series sponsored by Mentalhelp.net. If you found today's show interesting, we encourage you to visit Mentalhelp.net, where you can add a comment or question to this show's web page, view other shows in the series, or simply page through the site, which is full of interesting mental health and wellness content. Access the show's page and show archive information via the podcast box on the Mentalhelp.net home page.

If you like Wise Counsel, you might also like ShrinkRapRadio, my other interview podcast series, which is available online at www.shrinkrapradio.com. Until next time, this is Dr. David Van Nuys, and you've been listening to Wise Counsel.

by David Van Nuys, Ph.D.

October is Depression Awareness Month. Take Advantage of the Many Resources Available to Get Your Life Back on Track.
Are you having a difficult time getting motivated? Do you find that getting through the day and dealing with other people can be too much to handle sometimes? If you're not fully enjoying your life, being productive at work, or getting the most out of your relationships, you could be suffering from depression. People who feel stressed, tired, irritable, or blue don't always realize that these can be symptoms of depression. Even mild depression can make a major difference in the way you feel about yourself and others, and how well you are able to function throughout the day.

What Causes Depression?
Depression can be caused by family or work issues, stress, medical problems, medication side effects, or a chemical imbalance in the brain. Depression also occurs along with many other chronic illnesses and conditions, such as heart disease, diabetes, obesity, eating disorders, and so on. An important first step is to talk to your doctor about your symptoms to see if there may be a medical condition that is causing or contributing to the difficulties you are experiencing.

How to Get Help
Depression can be effectively treated with both medication and psychotherapy. Your doctor may prescribe an antidepressant medication and recommend that you see a psychotherapist. You can also use tools to help yourself, including an online, interactive program such as Defeating Depression. The program can help you identify the cause of your depression and work on the symptoms that are most difficult for you. When choosing a psychotherapist, be sure to schedule an appointment and interview the therapist to see if he or she is a good fit for you. The Defeating Depression program teaches you how to find a good therapist (and how to spot a bad one!) and provides you with a list of questions to ask.

Put it in Perspective
If you are one of the millions of people who suffer from depression each day, you may wonder if you caused your depression or why you can't figure it out for yourself. You didn't cause your depression, but you can take steps to overcome it and start feeling better. Take advantage of the help that is available. Be proud of yourself for each step you take, and enjoy your progress along the way.

It's your life - you deserve to enjoy it!

by Dr. B

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Not using effective time management tips could make you lose a lot of time to bond with your family and friends, maintain a romantic relationship, and take care of yourself.

If you’re not efficient in time management, you tend to be too focused on work priorities, forgetting that there is more to life than just that. This article hopes to shed some light.

Time Management Tip # 1: Set Priorities.

This is what people with poorly managed time have been struggling with. They tend to be too panicky with a lot of things to do in just a day.

To be able to manage, think about all your tasks and organize them according to your priorities. When prioritizing, do not just think about work, but also consider things that are important for your personal life.

To start with this time management tip, give yourself a few minutes everyday and list down everything you would have to do for the next day. Set specific schedules for each task for you to be able to think ahead. This time management tip would help you greatly, especially if you think you have too much to do with so little time.

Time Management Tip # 2: Follow A Good Routine.

Routine is a good example of having well-managed time. When you are following a routine, things would seem to come out of you automatically without you having to think about it.

So in managing time, try to fit in an everyday routine of which you feel comfortable with, and try to stick with that as much as possible.

Because nothing is constant, you should also be aware that you would have to break your routine every once in a while. Even if this happens, learn to be flexible and adjust your schedules and priorities accordingly.

So there you have it. These 2 simple time management tips of setting priorities and following a good routine could help you live a more balanced life.

Not using effective time management tips could make you lose a lot of time to bond with your family and friends, maintain a romantic relationship, and take care of yourself. This article hopes to shed some light.

By: Michael Lee

Time management skills are basic essential skills for all the effective people. People who use these techniques regularly are the highest achievers in all walks of life, from business to sport to public service. If you use these skills well, then you will be able to function exceptionally well, even under intense pressure. By applying the time management tips and skills in this section you can optimize your effort to ensure that you concentrate as much of your time and energy as possible on the high payoff tasks. This ensures that you achieve the greatest benefit possible with the limited amount of time available to you.

You have so many competing demands on your time: friends, movies, studying lectures, home, relationships and on and on. How can you come to grips with all of it? Most time management experts say that one of the first things people need to do to manage their time is to determine how they spend their time now.

Procrastinators work as many hours in the day as other people (and often work longer hours) but they invest their time in the wrong tasks. Sometimes this is simply because they don't understand the difference between urgent tasks and important tasks, and jump straight into getting on with urgent tasks that aren't actually important.

Steps to check Time Management

Prepare a To Do list - Write down things you have to do.
Prepare Daily/weekly planner - Write down appointments, classes, and meetings on a chronological log book or chart.

Long term planner - Use a monthly chart so that you can plan ahead. These planners will also serve as a reminder to constructively plan time for yourself.
Use Distributed Learning and Practice: Study in shorter time blocks with short breaks between. This keeps you from getting fatigued and "wasting time." This type of studying is efficient because while you are taking a break, the brain is still processing the information.
Make Sure the Surroundings are Conducive for carrying out the tasks you are doing. This will allow you to reduce distractions which can "waste time.
Make Room for Entertainment and Relaxation: You need to have a social life, yet, you need to have a balance in your life.
Make Sure you Have Time to Sleep and Eat Properly.
Try to Group Activities together.
Small things which makes difference
set priorities and manage your time to meet deadlines, set and achieve goals,
get over your internal barriers when putting your goals and plans in action,
effectively organize your daily actions make smarter decisions faster,
uncover better options,
work in a team or build one,
prevent burnout

Time management skills are basic essential skills for all the effective people. People who use these techniques regularly are the highest achievers in all walks of life, from business to sport to public service.

By: Rachel Broune

In this article we make an effort to uncover the secrets to great accomplishment in life. Often people think that to get higher level success in life requires great luck and skills, but researches shows that it is a much richer set of factors that come into play that decide whether or not one accomplishes or fails in any effort. There are different levels of life that a person may accomplish or not i.e. survival, growth, development, evolution, transformation, thinks to think about. The more level of accomplishment achieve by a person shows his success level in the life.
Maslow has also describe the human needs in following steps –

• Biological and physiological needs – it also called basic needs- air, water, shelter, hunger, sex, sleep etc.
• Safety needs- after fulfilling the basic needs people looking for safety needs- protection, security, etc.
• Belongingness and love needs- family, affection, relationship, friends etc.
• Esteem needs- achievements, status, reputation, responsibility
• Self actualization- personal growth and fulfillment

These five steps described the human needs step by step. After fulfilling the one need people think about next level need. The higher level of success in life comes in self actualization.

Living at the first need i.e. biological and physiological needs (basic level) one has a conscious or unconscious desire to remain at the current level of achievement in life. They are more concern about the next day meal, shelter etc. They are not attempting to rise above one’s current achievement, nor is there an effort to raise one’s own individual capacities. They are not thinking about the quantitative growth at one’s present level of life, let alone a qualitative movement to a possible upper level.

In the next level people think about their safety needs- protection, security etc. It is an expansion of basic level of achievement. Next level, people think about the belongingness and love needs- family, friend, love etc. up to this level people live as a common man. Those who cross these needs level and enter in next level i.e. esteem needs are called successful person in the life.

To get a higher level of success in life one has to cross this level and reach to self actualization needs. In this level person do not worry about all below level needs, he only focuses on his personal growth and fulfillment of life. This is the ultimate level of any success. In this level person try to be all that he can be attitude that encourages individuals to struggle and make an effort to be accountable and participatory citizens in the world today.

By: Nick Mutt

The Power of Thinking Positively

The importance of organizing your thoughts to always see the good in every situation

How a person views life has a huge and direct impact upon their life. Whether it’s your career, relationship, or hobbies, the kind of attitude you carry with you will necessarily color the atmosphere and actions of every aspect of your life.

So, what is your general perspective?

Are you generally well motivated letting nothing get you down? Or do you sometimes or indeed constantly view life as futile with the possibility of success and happiness just a dream in the distance which you are hardly likely to see come true.? Obviously, these are two extreme ends of the spectrum and most peoples lives run somewhere in the middle, but where do you fit in? Could you view life more positively? Can you take control of how you are thinking and start to see the good in any situation?

Today, there is little doubt that positive thinking has the power to change your life, but how do you train yourself to do it? What follows are some tips to use in order to start organizing your thoughts to see the positives in every situation, no matter how seemingly negative it may appear.

1. Believe in Yourself. It may seem a given that belief in yourself is essential to successfully navigate through each day, but how do we start thinking more positively about ourselves. Start by looking back at problems you had in the past and successfully solved. Quite often you will see that when the problem first appeared you had no idea how to solve it and was filled with fear and despair, but here’s the thing – you did get through it. Always remember that no matter what the circumstances, you have built within you the means to solve any problem. So start to believe that is true and move forward with confidence.

2. Set Goals. By making a list of short and long term goals for your career, relationships, and overall life; you’re verifying the importance of your own self worth. Not only are you making yourself a measureable action to achieve through motivation, but you are also justifying your belief in yourself and self confidence.

3. Expect Setbacks. Assure yourself that you will necessarily have setbacks on your path to short and long term success. By reminding yourself that problems, snafus, and setbacks are part of the process, you will be able to limit your disappointment when something goes amiss and also boost confidence when conversely, nothing goes wrong.


4. Stay on Top of Pessimism. When those pessimistic thoughts start creeping in, we all know how we are going to end up. We will think the worse and feel generally down in the dumps. However, if you catch yourself before the bad thoughts set in, you can replace the negative thinking with positive thoughts. This isn’t as difficult as it would first appear, but to do so, first we must understand where that pessimism is coming from.

5. Understand Negativity. Remind yourself constantly that turning negative when the chips are down, does not help your situation to get any better, and the more time and effort you spend having a bad attitude; the more time is wasted when you could be working towards a positive result.

6. See Failure as a Learning Experience. Surely, you have heard that to take setbacks on your path to success in your career, relationships, and whatever else you have your sights on as learning experiences. This is one of the best ways to stay positive. Every time there is a setback, stop and remind yourself that from the experience you will learn how to do it better next time. By organizing your thoughts to realize that each setback is an opportunity, you will be that more likely to succeed or at least closer to success by your lesson.

7. Reset Your Limitations. We all have self imposed limitations that we have put on ourselves, but they are not set in stone. It’s always good to extend your limitations of what you think you can achieve. You would be surprised how much you can do if you open up your self limits. Without doing so, you run the risk of not realizing your potential.

8. Accept Responsibility. Since you were a kid, your parents have probably told you to take responsibility for your actions and for all that happens in your life. These words, though annoying at the time, are priceless to staying positive and realizing your dreams of success. By taking responsibility you claim the situation as your own and even if there is a lot of negativity or despondency in that situation, if you own it you can change it, because it’s in your hands and not someone else’s.


9. Let Go of Failure. Once you have gleaned all the helpful information from your failures and setback, let the failures go. Once you have learned your lesson, the memory of the failure will only hold you back, it is useless, it’s happened, you have accepted it so simply let it go so you can start again. Learn what you need to better your next try at your goal, and then let go of the fact that you failed. Reminding yourself of the failure will hold your energies back from achieving the goals you have set out for yourself.

Lastly remember that failure is simply a perspective. Choose the correct perspective and failure becomes a launch pad to success. How? Well remember the words of Edison, when asked why he continued with his endeavors to invent the electric light filament after more than 14,000 experiments had failed. He replied “I have not failed, I have simply eliminated 14,000 ways that don’t work”. With an attitude like that he was always going to succeed and of course as history proves – he did. Remember this every time you switch on a light.

By: Mike Hooker

I moved into a new home a few weeks ago. Next week my mother, who is in her eighties, will be moving as well. Moving house is meant to be one of the top few causes of stress in modern day living. These days we move home far more frequently than our ancestors did. Perhaps this is why I found my last move to be pretty easy, and I have to say, not at all stressful.

My mother, on the other hand has been experiencing anxiety and stress ever since the decision was made to move. She is the type of person who worries about what might go wrong, and I often find myself observing that there is no point worrying about something that is in all likelihood not going to happen. Even when I took her on holiday earlier this year I did not tell her what was planned until a relatively short period of time beforehand - so that she had less time to worry. Once on holiday, of course, my mum had a great time; everything went well and the trip was entirely stress-free. The only stress experienced was before the holiday as a result of her own imagination.

Some of us tend to be more prone to experiencing anxiety and tension than others, and nearly all of us become more anxious as we get older. Things which in the past we would have found straight forward and simple become less easy to deal with. It can be difficult for a child to see ones parents becoming less able and less confident, but it is far more difficult for the parent who is frustrated by their inability to do that which they used to do.

My mum is moving into my home. It is a beautiful and comfortable home; everything is new and modern. Yet to someone who worries even this can be stressful. Because the carpet is new, mum worries about dropping something on it. Because the cooker is different, she worries about how to use it. Even the positioning of light switches has become a source of worry. The good news is that I know that once my mum has moved none of these worries will actually become a reality. She will have a warm and spacious home, in the centre of town, with family at close hand. She will still have her independence and I'm sure she will be comfortable and happy.

If you were to take age out of this equation and simply examine the effect of different attitudes, one can easily see the great and inexorable impact of one's own beliefs and expectations. I saw my move as great, and simply a matter of organization. In the week before the move boxes were packed as efficiently as possible, the removal firm came on the designated day and put everything into their van and delivered it into the new home. A little bit of unpacking and job done! Time for dinner and a glass of champagne to celebrate!

By contrast, my mother's move already seems to have been happening for weeks and endless weeks. I had planned to do it for her...but this was never going to happen. Every day something is examined, wrapped and either boxed or given away. More and more boxes pile up, more and more chaos reigns...More and more anxiety and stress is experienced. The expectation of it being stressful makes it stressful for my mother. Her own expectations that the move would be difficult are what make it increasingly more difficult.

Unfortunately my mother always does things her own way and she is not the best listener. I only wish that she was, as then we, her family, could help more. Ironically, in my profession as a hypnotherapist, I help people with stress all of the time. I know how to show someone how to relax with hypnosis, but only when I have a willing subject. The fact is that stress, anxiety and tension are caused by oneself; you think yourself into experiencing events or circumstances as stressful. If you are willing, anybody and everybody, no matter what age you are, can learn to relax and relieve stress and tension with a little help from hypnosis.

Hypnosis is a state of relaxation which also allows access to your subconscious mind, the part where deep rooted habits and beliefs are held. Thus hypnosis allows you to change even these deep rooted habits, beliefs and expectations. You can change instinctive tendencies with the help of hypnosis mp3s or hypnosis cds. You can learn to see that your glass is half full as opposed to half empty...so long as you are willing.

Roseanna Leaton, specialist in hypnosis downloads for relief of stress, tension and anxiety.

Moving house is listed as being very stressful and yet it doesn't have to be that difficult. There are ways in which you can relax and view your move in a more positive frame of mind, hypnosis being the key.

By: Roseanna Leaton

If you are familiar with the concept of “Inside Out Thinking,” then you already know that I don’t conceptualize stress as something that exists outside of you. It is actually something you create inside. Stress is a behavior you create to help you get something you want. The only way to reduce stress is to empower yourself to take control of what you can control—namely your actions and your thoughts. You may not believe you can control what you think but with patience, persistence and practice it is not only possible but critical to maintaining a positive state of mental health.

Because the holidays are often a stressful time of the year for many, I wanted to give you a dozen ideas for things you can do or think differently to help reduce your stress level.

1. Rational Thinking—often irrational thoughts contribute to your stress levels. What are irrational thoughts? Things like “everyone must like me for me to be worthwhile.” Or, “I have to complete everything on my ‘To Do’ list everyday in order to be a success.” Or, “I can’t let anyone in my house unless it is spotless.” Irrational thoughts are not true—that’s why they are called irrational. However, you can actually convince yourself these beliefs are true, and when you believe them your stress level can soar. For example, if I actually think the only way for me to be worthwhile is if every person I meet likes me, can you imagine the stress I will create for myself trying to get everyone to like me? Check your thinking and make sure your thoughts are rational. You may need to ask someone you trust to help you with this because if you actually believe the irrational thoughts, then you will have a difficult time recognizing they are irrational.

2. Inside Out Thinking—Instead of spending your time focused on things over which you have no control, look at the situation and choose the best response available to you. The only things you really have control over is what you do and what you think. You really can’t change others. Make sure you take a proactive approach to life’s situations by looking at what you can do or think differently to improve the situation. This also means no longer pointing the finger outside of you for the source of your problem or unhappiness. If you are in pain over something, then it is your responsibility to fix it the best you can.

3. Time Management—find a time management system that works for you and implement it. You have the same amount of time in a day as everyone else, yet some people are far more productive than others. They have discovered a way to maximize their moments to get the most out of each of them. There are many time management experts out there who have different systems. However, I think time management is similar to dieting. There is not a one size fits all approach. You need to find a system that works for you and follow it.

4. Fun Activities—make a list of things you love to do: pleasurable activities. When was the last time you engaged in them? Taking care of yourself and making sure you schedule some “me” time is essential to keeping stress at bay. Even though you may think you have no time for pleasure, taking that time will increase your productivity when you do get down to business.

5. Relaxation—do you meditate, visualize your “happy place,” get massage or do some deep muscle relaxation? This is a sure way to reduce stress. When you get good at meditation and relaxation, it is something you can do in a very short period of time almost anywhere. It’s a great skill to develop and it will substantially help you manage the stress in your life.

6. Exercise—there has been a lot of research that shows a regular exercise program can be helpful in managing the negative, physical symptoms of stress. This does not have to be any strenuous exercise. It could be as simple as going for a walk but physical activity provides a release of the stored energy of stress.

7. Healthy Living—there are some known links to substances that stress our bodies. If you reduce or eliminate these things from your lifestyle, you will reduce physical stress. Some things to look at are drugs, alcohol, nicotine, sugar and caffeine. If you use any of these substances on a moderate or higher level, you can be creating stress for yourself.

8. Sense of Humor—when you can find the humor in stressful situations, you can laugh your way through life. Laughing releases the body’s natural endorphins and will ward off potential stress before it even begins. It is most helpful when you can laugh at yourself and find humor in everyday situations.

9. Support System—having a healthy support system will help. You need to decrease the toxic people in your life and increase the nourishing ones. We all have those who will suck the life out of us if we let them and then there are others who will support us in our time of need. Look at reducing the former and expanding the latter.

10. Assertiveness—develop the ability to take care of your needs without interfering with others getting their needs met. Be able to say “no” when it will best support you. You can stress yourself out when you always put other people’s needs and desires ahead of your own.

11. Experience the Arts—there is something about the arts that will sooth many. It could be music, art, dance, or nature’s art but setting aside time to appreciate life’s beauty can act as an immunization against stress.

12. Spirituality—develop a personal sense of your spirituality. This does not necessarily have to be religion. It can be a calm, a peace, a sense of the order of life. When things get stressful, you can rely on your spirituality to help you through. You may develop beliefs about everything happening for a reason, the Higher Power will take care of things or there are always positive experiences with the negative. Spirituality can help you make sense of things that otherwise wouldn’t make sense.

Stress is not inevitable. You definitely do NOT have to be a victim of it. Know that you are choosing it. Know that you are getting something from it and then make a conscious decision about whether or not you want to continue on your same path or do something different.

If you are familiar with the concept of “Inside Out Thinking,” then you already know that I don’t conceptualize stress as something that exists outside of you. It is actually something you create inside. Stress is a behavior you create to help you get something you want. The only way to reduce stress is to empower yourself to take control of what you can control—namely your actions and your thoughts. You may not believe you can control what you think but with patience, persis...

by Kim Olver

Sometimes ordinary reading methods may not help you to remember the chapter content well. You feel the reading is tough and get bogged down in this murky reading assignment. You can try the following reading techniques which help to ease the reading and help you to remember what you have read better.

Tip 1: Read it again. It's often easier in the second time.

For many students, if they try to read the difficult material again, such as technical writing in science text can become easier in the second time around. You may get confuse when trying to understand the content at the first time. Do not despair, take a short rest after reading the first round; when you return to read the material again, you will find it easier to understand than when you read it at the first time. Repeat read it again if needed.

Tip 2: Pause reading for mini review.

Don't read the whole chapter if you find yourself has difficulties to understand the content. After reading one or two paragraphs, pause briefly to summarize what you have read so far, verbally or in writing. Use your own words to review back what you have read so far. Then, jot down some notes or create a short outline or summary.

Tip 3: Look for essential words.

When you are stuck on a paragraph, try to mentally skip those adjectives and adverbs words. Just look for the essential words in the paragraph. Those essential words normally are in verbs and nouns. By focusing the essential words, your mind can absorb them better.

Tip 4: Consult your instructor.

Most teachers welcome their students to approach them if they need any help in their study. If you stuck with your reading, admit it and arrange an appointment with your instructor for consultation on the part that you are confused with.

Tip 5: Read It Aloud.

Instead of reading with your mind, try to read out with your mouth...aloud and use your ear to hear what you have read. Try to read it out for several times and each time using a different inflection, which emphasizing a different part of the sentence. Be creative and imagine you are the presenter talking to your audience.

Tip 6: Change positions periodically when reading.

Changing positions of readings periodically can combat fatigue and refresh you mind. You can play with standing as you read and read it aloud when you get stuck on a tough paragraph. Beside that, you also can choose to walk around while reading, it make you remember better.

Tip 7: Find a tutor.

If there is a need, approach a tutoring service to help you. Many schools provide free tuitions for their students, or you can find a paid tutoring service on the subjects which you need helps.

Tip 8: Get a group of study mates.

Other than the professional tutoring services, you can also form a study group among your peers and schedule discussion sessions for the selected chapters each week. You can use this group study to perform reading session; each one will rotate reading aloud and allows other to ask questions which related to the topic. When you answer the question, it helps you to remember better.

Summary

The ordinary reading methods may not enough to help you to remember what you have learned in a chapter. You need to find a few reading techniques which can help you. Above tips are just among the many reading techniques which you can try them on.

Sometimes ordinary reading methods may not help you to remember the chapter content well. You feel the reading is tough and get bogged down in this murky reading assignment. You can try the reading techniques explain in this article to ease the reading and help you to remember better.

By: Jullie Harvard

Speed reading is not just a parlor trick you can use to impress your friends and family. For many it’s a necessary tool for managing time and information in the fast-paced business world, and for many others, specifically students, it’s the only way to get through reading-heavy class loads.

The practiced speed reader can pick up a lengthy document or a thick stack of papers and use their skill to get at the meat of the subject by skimming for the most important details and information. Without developing the ability to speed read, this time-saving technique is merely flipping through pages fast.

Speed reading, or increasing the rate at which you read text, is linked to increasing the rate at which you understand what you’re reading. The key to successful speed reading is increasing your understanding of the text as you increase the rate at which you read the words. It takes training and practice, but don’t be intimidated by the idea of a challenge. Think of it as the next, natural step to your reading development. Once you’ve mastered it, it’s a skill that will stick with you for the rest of your life.

As a child, when you began to learn to read, chances are you began with the alphabet and the specific sounds each letter makes. Then you learned how to combine and blend letter sounds to decipher words. It’s called letter-by-letter reading. Then something clicked and you began to recognize words without having to sound out each letter one at a time and you graduated to word-by-word reading.

With continued practice common words and sentence structure became more familiar and because your brain was tuned and ready, your eye started taking in blocks of words at a time. The difference between average readers and speed readers is in the blocks of words their eyes take in at one time. The larger the blocks, the faster your eye moves through the text.

Speed reading teaches you how to take your reading and your comprehension to the next level. The techniques used in teaching speed reading focus on your individual abilities, namely where you are right now and what might be keeping you from progressing. For example, if you are a slow reader, factors that hold you back may include, but are not limited to, moving your lips or reading out loud or holding the text too close to your eyes.

If you are in the practice of moving your lips, or speaking or whispering while you read, you’re slowing yourself down dramatically. Your lips can only move so fast. You should be able to read at least two or three times faster than you can speak. In effect, you’re keeping yourself at that word-by-word stage that children generally grow out of in elementary school.

Having the ability to speed read can make a significant difference in your life, especially if reading is a strong component of your work. Implementing some simple techniques can get you reading faster and more efficiently in no time at all.

Speed reading is not just a parlor trick you can use to impress your friends and family. For many it’s a necessary tool for managing time and information in the fast-paced business world, and for many others, specifically students, it’s the only way to get through reading-heavy class loads. The practiced speed reader can pick up a lengthy document or a thick stack of papers and use their skill to get at the meat of the subject by skimming for the most important details and...

By: Brandon C. Hall

If ever you have relied too much on the traditional tips to cure insomnia such as counting sheep, but that kept you even more agitated than before you started counting? Why did you ever believe you'll fall asleep to the sight of bleating woolly critters prancing over a fence anyway? But before you go reaching for that sedative, read on for these proven tips to cure insomnia so you may finally drift off to dreamland.

Tip to Cure Insomnia # 1: Get yourself checked.

If you have difficulty either drifting off to sleep or staying asleep, then you may be suffering from insomnia. Fear not, you are not alone. Insomnia is actually a rampant sleep disorder and so many people experience sleepless nights at some point in their lives.

One in every three people, actually, are full-fledged insomniacs. Whether the cause is--stress, anxiety, fatigue, or depression--refer to your doctor for a more accurate diagnosis. This may be a symptom of some underlying health problem.

Tip to Cure Insomnia # 2: Get your bed partner checked.

Maybe the person lying next to you is the factor for your situation. If his or her snoring disturbs your sleep badly, tell your partner to see a medical professional and have his or her snoring problem checked. It may be caused by an allergy, an effect of hypothyroidism, sleep apnea, or a deviated septum. Whatever the case, seek medical assistance. Address the snoring so you'll dream unimpeded.

Tip to Cure Insomnia # 3: Use relaxation techniques.

Practice relaxation exercises like yoga, meditation, and tai chi. Rest in bed and take deep breaths for five minutes or until you drift off to sleep. Envisage yourself in a peaceful and quiet place, your own paradise. Visualize you are free of stress, even if it's just in your dreams. Address any conflicts or problems before bedtime so you may have peace of mind and freed to go to bed sans worries.

Tip to Cure Insomnia # 4: For crying out loud, get a plumber.

When the faucet is leaking and the sound of the water dripping is keeping you awake, a temporary answer would be to tie a piece of string around the tap, and let it hang all the way down to the sink, so the water will instead run down the length of the string noiselessly instead of keeping you awake with its dripping. Then when you awake, seek a lasting solution and finally call the plumber.

Tip to Cure Insomnia # 5: Throw away the clock.

When you see time passing and still you can't sleep, you have anxiety; and in that concerned condition, it will be more difficult for you to get some rest. So throw away that clock. Use a silent one instead, the type that doesn't have a second hand so you're not tormented every night with the sound of each passing second of precious sleep you lose.

Tip to Cure Insomnia # 6: Sing yourself a lullaby.

Lullabies were created for a reason, and if they work for children, then it will no doubt work for you too. By all means, sing in bed. I have personally tried this and found that it works miracles. Try to stick to mellow stuff, however, as noisier song selections just may keep even the neighbors wide awake.

Get rid of drugs and sleeping pills. Take note of these tips to cure insomnia and try which method is best for you. Now off to slumberland you go!

Before you go reaching for that sleeping pill, read on for these effective tips to cure insomnia so you may finally catch some much needed Zs.

By: Michael Lee

Sleep is a natural state of rest that the human body requires to survive. Besides surviving, sleep is needed to rejuvenate the body and mind to perform daily functions. In order for one to have a productive day and live a long and healthy life, it is said one must sleep well. Benefits of sleeping well include alertness, problem solving ability, memory and general mental health. Getting a good night's sleep is hard these days with the increasing amounts of stress and pressure being applied in the work place and in society.

Adults average 6.9 hours of sleep each night. Still people report that they feel tired at least once a week and some say they feel tired every day, and that can be hazardous to their health. People who do not get enough sleep and feel tired frequently are more likely to have an unwanted health condition such as hypertension, diabetes, heart disease, compromised immune system, physical aches and pains, etc.

Sleepiness is serious. It contributes to a significant number of driving deaths as well as other accidents each year in the U.S. Take fatigue seriously. Don't drive or do tasks that require close attention if you're feeling drowsy.

Signs of lack of sleep are waves of drowsiness during the day, relying on an alarm clock to wake you, falling asleep in inappropriate situations, feeling lack of energy, lack of concentration and attention and loss of physical coordination. Even with these feelings and experiences we may experience insomnia when we do try to sleep because of stress, tension, and inability to relax. Lack of sleep affects us in that we become easily emotionally upset, sad, irritated and even moderately depressed. Lack of proper sleep has even been linked to excess weight gain.

For people who do not sleep well, there are prescription drugs, which include the risk of dependency and some severe side effects. For those who do not wish to take those associated risks, there are natural sleep aids and formulas to help the user sleep well. In order to sleep well, the user must be in a relaxed and restful state. In addition to herbal supplements and natural formulas, there are also physical pillows and even music available to provide comfort, support and a relaxing environment to sleep well. The best thing about these all natural products is that you can sleep well without the risk of dependency.

Some of the natural ways to help us sleep include moderate exercise, regular bedtimes and wake up times, avoiding stimulants e.g. caffeine and sugar, and warm baths. Hydrotherapy e.g. hot or warm baths before bedtime enhanced by natural sleep enhancing formulas and aromatherapy bath salts, minerals and oils that also provide calming aromas are very helpful. In addition to these practices, there are natural supplements available to help us reduce stress and tension and experience a natural sleep without dependency or side effects. Melatonin is a widely used and effective natural supplement for sleep. Antioxidants and amino acids such as L-theanine are also natural sleep enhancing. Many natural herbs such as relora, passion flower, valerian root and St. John's wort are every helpful for experiencing natural sleep. In addition, we can use all natural sleep enhancing formulas that provide a combination of natural sleep producing ingredients. Natural supplements and formulas for moderate depression and proper brain function are also very useful. Lack of proper digestion can also contribute to lack of sleep. There are many natural digestion aids e.g. enzymes, fibers, probiotics, antioxidants, and amino acids to help with proper healthy digestion which is important for natural sleep. The extra advantage of using these all natural sleep supplements, is that they also provide other benefits that improve overall health in general.

Adequate natural sleep is of vital importance for our physical and emotional health, proper concentration and attention, personal and public safety, and our overall general health. Using natural sleep enhancing supplements help us experience natural health giving sleep without the risk of harmful or undesirable side effects.

The importance of sleeping well naturally for improving health and safety.

By: Jennifer Kays

As a Spiritually Based Entrepreneur you already have the key elements of "real success." Do you know what they are?

Some of these keys were recently highlighted for me after an inspiring conversation I had with a new client. She called me because she was ready to step into the "bigger place" that is calling her.

Right away I was moved by the love and respect with which she talked about her own clients and colleagues, and the problem they overcame. This new client is planning to write a book about these individuals and others like them, and the solution to the problem they have moved beyond.

She, herself, is one of these people. She knows both sides by heart - the problem and a solution. She lived through the problem and she is living the solution.

When she spoke of "the bigger place" for her she remembered the moment when she knew what she was being called to do. "It came from a place deep inside me," she said.

She came ready to step into the bigger place that is calling her. I could "see" that her book is only the beginning. The size and possibilities of the vision unfolding from within her were palpable.

In the vein of what she shared in this initial conversation her "real success" is assured and she will be a positive force of change in many lives.

"Real success" nourishes the heart and soul. The motivations behind the actions flow from personal integrity, as do the actions themselves. Some key elements of her potential success follow.

5 "Real Success" Keys of the Spiritual Entrepreneur

1. Your message is authentic and you walk your talk. This client lived through the problem of which she is called to help others. And she is living the solution.
2. Ask for help. She knows that what she is saying "yes" to is bigger than her. She can't do it by herself.
3. Say "Yes" to the call. This client was called from "a place deep inside me." She realizes that she was called because there is no one to do this work but her. In the bigger sense of the word, no one can do what she does, the way she does it and have the impact that only she can have.
4. Know that you have one solution. This client knows that hers may not be the solution for everyone but there are plenty whose lives will be changed as a result. As she shares her gifts and her message, the people who need to see and hear her message will find her.
5. Come from service first. Service is unconditional love in action. True service is joyful, it is of the heart. She spoke of her "people" with love and respect. Her desire for them is simple and clear - that they heal and have healthier, happier lives.

"Real success" brings all manner of abundance - including financial - because it is in spiritual alignment. Abundance is a principle of the Universe.

As you say "Yes" and step into the bigger place that is calling from deep inside you, as you share your gifts and your authentic message, as you live your message, as you become love in action and as you get the assistance you need so that you can do the previous things, you will be compensated in rich measure.

The richness of this measure comes from the abundance that lives inside your heart and soul - it is what is calling you forth. It is the source of "Real Success."


Step Into Your Greatness!
And experience "Real Success"

As a Spiritually Based Entrepreneur you already have the key elements of "real success." Do you know what they are? Some of these keys were recently highlighted for me after an inspiring conversation I had with a new client. She called me because she was ready to step into the "bigger place" that is calling her.

By: ReggieO