I think of it as ball you never saw coming. The comment in therapy that is simple, unemotional and without much meaning but which changes the course of the theapeutic relationship. Today I experienced this which (thankfully) happens rarely these days. I have a long term relationship with a client which is fruitful, dynamic and meaningful . I have comforted her, challenged her and helped her understand problematic relationships over many months. One session, one comment, suddenly she was offended and embarrassed. Suddenly I went from being "wonderful" to sacked. I had no notion that the comment would mean anything at all let alone that it was somehow loaded with negative meaning for her at that moment. Like I said, I just never saw it coming.
I guess that relationships in general are fraught with moments where one person comments and the other takes offence, while the first hasn't got any idea why. I hope that somewhere down the track the client will see that what happened to me in therapy may have happened to others in her life and may explain some of the strains in relationships. Hopefully she'll see that others are also probalby as mystified as me. There should be a word or a phrase to describe the process of comment, offence, no idea why. Any ideas?
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Oh what joy! A request to attend Commonwealth Family Court to be cross examined on a report written some weeks ago. The whole wigs and gowns thing. For all aspiring psychologists who will be asked to court some observations...
Here was I thinking that I would be invited in for a respectful chat about my opinions. What a shock! Not a chance. Does the phrase: "hauled over the coals" ring any bells? Its amazing how the word "madam" can be turned into an insult - as in: "Do you expect us to believe, Madam that..." or "In hind-sight, Madam, do you think you should have asked..."
The Barister criticised me for not keeping detailed enough notes, not asking the relevent questions, not seeking corroborating opinions, not knowing the details of my billing system, not having received a directive letter from the solicitor, believing that psychological testing was objective, in short every step of the assessment process was inadequate, unsubstanciated and obviously biased. I left the box sweating but not crying - so it was not a complete disaster.
The moral of this story is not, however, what you'd expect. After I left and the judge began to sum up the cases the Barrister was humilated and reprimanded for his treatment of me. The court did not stop his barrage at the time, he was allowed to "run with it." But it did nothing to impress the man making the decision. I guess the moral is to tough it out, say no when you mean no, say "I can't know that" when you can't. Don't be afraid to be right even when confronted by a man in a wig. If he is wrong it is OK to say so. If he is asking something unreasonable it is OK to tell him so. He is only playing a part in the end.
Also if he says "diagnosis" when he meant to say "prognosis" make sure you let him know he doesn't know everything.
Depression, ADHD, Psychotherapy and Medication
It is a fact that I receive E. Mail questions from people around the world about issues of mental health and mental illness. Some of them are from students who are working on various types of research papers that are related to psychology, social work and social psychology.
I recently received an interesting question from a forty year old man from the UK who stated the he is suffering from depression. He wanted to know what types of medication would help him feel better. He asserted that he had neither the time nor the money to invest in psychotherapy. Besides, he stated, he has a chemical imbalance in his brain and knows that medication will solve his problem. He also happened to state that he has suffered from many stresses over the years.
I thought it curious that a man of his age and from the UK would still believe that medication can cure psychological problems.
I answered his E. Mail by telling him that he would have to consult a psychiatrist who would do an evaluation and, based on the diagnosis from the evaluation, prescribe the necessary medicine treatment. I also pointed out that he could start by seeing his family doctor with whom he could discuss his symptoms and get a prescription for the same purpose.
However, I was quick to point out, very emphatically, that there is no cure in medication. Citing recent research, I reported that it is the combination of medication and psychotherapy that works best. In addition, I underlined the fact that, for many people, cognitive behavioral therapy can produce the same or better results than medication alone...I never heard back and, that's OK, I rarely do.
Another person wrote to me stating that they know they have ADD. They wanted to know what type of medical doctor they should see for this condition. This person added that they did not want psychotherapy as they are "hard wired" for this problem and that only medication would work.
In this case of ADD I also encouraged the person to be evaluated by a psychologist in order to get a correct diagnosis followed by a recommendation for treatment. I repeated, in this case, as the last, that medication is not the only way to go. The individual thanked me but said they did not have the money for therapy, only for medication.
Discussion:
I believe that we, in the Western World rely heavily upon medications to cure all of our problems. I am convinced that this is particularly true, here, in the United States, where we both demand and expect instant solutions to all problems. Of course, this is unrealistic.
We know that the treatment of depression with psychotherapy helps relieve depression. Cognitive Behavioral Psychotherapy seems to work most rapidly. However, psychodynamic and psychoanalytic therapies, that take much longer, also work quite well in helping people to recover terrible feelings of being emotionally down and upset."
With regard to ADD, whether with children or adults, the proper therapy teaches the behaviors necessary to compensate for the problems created by the disorder. Many times, the correct training works as well or better than medication alone.
It is true that years of stress, combined with certain genetic vulnerabilities, can result alterations in the brain that affect the chemical balances of the neurotransmitters, resulting in feelings of hopelessness.
At the very same time, our brains are incredible machines, plastic and flexible in nature, and that means that the brain can recover from or repair lots of things that can go wrong. Our ability to learn throughout our lives is what helps the brain learn to correct chemical imbalances and repair all types of mood disorders. This is also the reason why children and adults can learn to compensate for the deficits created by ADHD.
"Where there is a will there is a way:"
I am very sympathetic to the pressures that the world wide economic crisis has placed on people around the globe. There are more people now, in the United States, the UK and elsewhere, who lost their jobs or are earning far less than before. Yet, doesn't health come first? How can a person function to find a new job, keep up with the old job, maintain family and social relationships if they feel too depressed to get out of bed?
Money spent on mental health is an excellent investment that a person makes for the well being of their mind and body. This means that, in terms of dealing with depression, anxiety or any other psychological conditions, treatment needs to be obtained and followed through.
In fact, we now know, more than ever, that mental health translates into physical health because there is no distinction between mind and body.
Remember, we are more than just chemical balances and imbalances. As the Gestalt psychologists said long ago, "The whole is greater than the sum of its parts."
If you are depressed, anxious or troubled in any way, seek help.
Your comments and questions are welcome and encouraged.
By Allan N. Schwartz, PhD
It is a fact that I receive E. Mail questions from people around the world about issues of mental health and mental illness. Some of them are from students who are working on various types of research papers that are related to psychology, social work and social psychology.
I recently received an interesting question from a forty year old man from the UK who stated the he is suffering from depression. He wanted to know what types of medication would help him feel better. He asserted that he had neither the time nor the money to invest in psychotherapy. Besides, he stated, he has a chemical imbalance in his brain and knows that medication will solve his problem. He also happened to state that he has suffered from many stresses over the years.
I thought it curious that a man of his age and from the UK would still believe that medication can cure psychological problems.
I answered his E. Mail by telling him that he would have to consult a psychiatrist who would do an evaluation and, based on the diagnosis from the evaluation, prescribe the necessary medicine treatment. I also pointed out that he could start by seeing his family doctor with whom he could discuss his symptoms and get a prescription for the same purpose.
However, I was quick to point out, very emphatically, that there is no cure in medication. Citing recent research, I reported that it is the combination of medication and psychotherapy that works best. In addition, I underlined the fact that, for many people, cognitive behavioral therapy can produce the same or better results than medication alone...I never heard back and, that's OK, I rarely do.
Another person wrote to me stating that they know they have ADD. They wanted to know what type of medical doctor they should see for this condition. This person added that they did not want psychotherapy as they are "hard wired" for this problem and that only medication would work.
In this case of ADD I also encouraged the person to be evaluated by a psychologist in order to get a correct diagnosis followed by a recommendation for treatment. I repeated, in this case, as the last, that medication is not the only way to go. The individual thanked me but said they did not have the money for therapy, only for medication.
Discussion:
I believe that we, in the Western World rely heavily upon medications to cure all of our problems. I am convinced that this is particularly true, here, in the United States, where we both demand and expect instant solutions to all problems. Of course, this is unrealistic.
We know that the treatment of depression with psychotherapy helps relieve depression. Cognitive Behavioral Psychotherapy seems to work most rapidly. However, psychodynamic and psychoanalytic therapies, that take much longer, also work quite well in helping people to recover terrible feelings of being emotionally down and upset."
With regard to ADD, whether with children or adults, the proper therapy teaches the behaviors necessary to compensate for the problems created by the disorder. Many times, the correct training works as well or better than medication alone.
It is true that years of stress, combined with certain genetic vulnerabilities, can result alterations in the brain that affect the chemical balances of the neurotransmitters, resulting in feelings of hopelessness.
At the very same time, our brains are incredible machines, plastic and flexible in nature, and that means that the brain can recover from or repair lots of things that can go wrong. Our ability to learn throughout our lives is what helps the brain learn to correct chemical imbalances and repair all types of mood disorders. This is also the reason why children and adults can learn to compensate for the deficits created by ADHD.
"Where there is a will there is a way:"
I am very sympathetic to the pressures that the world wide economic crisis has placed on people around the globe. There are more people now, in the United States, the UK and elsewhere, who lost their jobs or are earning far less than before. Yet, doesn't health come first? How can a person function to find a new job, keep up with the old job, maintain family and social relationships if they feel too depressed to get out of bed?
Money spent on mental health is an excellent investment that a person makes for the well being of their mind and body. This means that, in terms of dealing with depression, anxiety or any other psychological conditions, treatment needs to be obtained and followed through.
In fact, we now know, more than ever, that mental health translates into physical health because there is no distinction between mind and body.
Remember, we are more than just chemical balances and imbalances. As the Gestalt psychologists said long ago, "The whole is greater than the sum of its parts."
If you are depressed, anxious or troubled in any way, seek help.
Your comments and questions are welcome and encouraged.
By Allan N. Schwartz, PhD
Get Through the Holidays with Humor and Grace: Four Strategies for Couples and Families
Posted by
Doncrack
Are you looking forward to a relaxing holiday? Have you made plans that fit your unique values, needs, and energy level? Or do you feel pulled by the needs of friends and family, swept into the consumer rush, or tantalized by images of perfect holiday bliss and feeling like you can’t measure up? These strategies will help you balance needs of others with your own, and make the holiday season more enjoyable.
Give up perfection: It’s inspiring to imagine a holiday filled with closeness and warmth, with a healthy dose of time for yourself to relax. But gatherings with real people bring real tensions. If you try to make the holiday perfect, the results can be frustrating.
Kierra* prided herself on finding the “perfect gift” for each friend and family member, and throwing a “perfect” holiday party each year too. She spent hours planning, shopping, and baking, and cleaning. But now with two toddlers, she didn’t have the time and energy to keep it up. At first she struggled with frustration and guilt about letting people down. Then she started to let go of “perfect” and aimed for “relaxing and fun.” She downsized her party, simplified her gifts, and spent more time her family. When the holidays were over, she felt refreshed.
Take care of yourself: Everyone needs a few moments alone to relax and unwind. Find at least 20 minutes a day to talk a walk, read, listen to music, play with the cat, have a cup of tea – whatever works for you.
Tracie and her sister argued a lot, and holidays were especially tense. Tracie took care of their elderly parents and wanted help. Her sister wanted to use her hard-earned vacation time to take day-trips and walks in the hills. When they got together, both felt short-changed and unhappy. Then Tracie and I worked on strategies to take care of herself and help her stay out of arguments. Her mood improved, and her relationship with her sister changed. Tracie stayed calm and focused when they talked, and her sister listened. Tracie got more help and more time for herself. It turned out to be one her most memorable holidays.
Turn to your partner: When you are surrounded by people and expectations are high, it’s best to have a stress-reducing ritual that is short and effective. Once or twice a day, ask your partner for a 5-Minute stress talk. You get 5 minutes to vent about whatever is bothering you. Make sure to talk about your own experience, and make sure that your partner knows to listen, not problem solve. This small ritual made a big difference for my clients Zoe and Steve last year.
Zoe and Steve had a hard time balancing her family’s needs with those of their relatives. With three kids and four grandparents, and six aunts and uncles, Zoe and Steve were so busy entertaining that they were exhausted at the end of the day. They needed a way to take care of themselves. Their solution was to take a “time-out”. With an agreed-on signal they excused themselves from the group. Zoe talked about her frustrations for five minutes, while Steve just listened. When the 5 minutes was up, Steve told her how much he appreciated how well Zoe was balancing everyone’s needs, and gave her a hug. Later in the day, Mark asked for his 5 minutes. These stress-reducing breaks helped both of them feel refreshed and relaxed at the end of the day.
Rediscover your core values: Take some time to remember what is truly important to you. Whether it’s family, adventure, community, solitude, learning, or freedom – make sure your holiday celebrations reflect those values. When you and your partner have different values, see if there is a way they might overlap.
Shannon wanted to rent a cabin on the Oregon coast and relax with her husband Mark. Mark was looking forward to their tradition of celebrating the holidays with his large and extended family. Their “cabin vs. relatives” discussions went in circles until they let go of the details and started talking about their deeper values. Shannon valued peace and renewal, while Mark focused on the value of togetherness and community. Because each of them talked about what really mattered, they were able to see how important it was to create a holiday that honored both of their needs. It was easy to work out the details because both felt listened to and respected.
If you’ve felt yourself pulled into holiday activities that left you feeling frustrated and tired instead of peaceful and relaxed...this year, try something different. Give up perfection, take care of yourself, turn to your partner, and rediscover your core values. These strategies will help you feel renewed and refreshed, and enjoy a peaceful holiday season.
By Pat LaDouceur, Ph.D.
Kierra* prided herself on finding the “perfect gift” for each friend and family member, and throwing a “perfect” holiday party each year too. She spent hours planning, shopping, and baking, and cleaning. But now with two toddlers, she didn’t have the time and energy to keep it up. At first she struggled with frustration and guilt about letting people down. Then she started to let go of “perfect” and aimed for “relaxing and fun.” She downsized her party, simplified her gifts, and spent more time her family. When the holidays were over, she felt refreshed.
Take care of yourself: Everyone needs a few moments alone to relax and unwind. Find at least 20 minutes a day to talk a walk, read, listen to music, play with the cat, have a cup of tea – whatever works for you.
Tracie and her sister argued a lot, and holidays were especially tense. Tracie took care of their elderly parents and wanted help. Her sister wanted to use her hard-earned vacation time to take day-trips and walks in the hills. When they got together, both felt short-changed and unhappy. Then Tracie and I worked on strategies to take care of herself and help her stay out of arguments. Her mood improved, and her relationship with her sister changed. Tracie stayed calm and focused when they talked, and her sister listened. Tracie got more help and more time for herself. It turned out to be one her most memorable holidays.
Turn to your partner: When you are surrounded by people and expectations are high, it’s best to have a stress-reducing ritual that is short and effective. Once or twice a day, ask your partner for a 5-Minute stress talk. You get 5 minutes to vent about whatever is bothering you. Make sure to talk about your own experience, and make sure that your partner knows to listen, not problem solve. This small ritual made a big difference for my clients Zoe and Steve last year.
Zoe and Steve had a hard time balancing her family’s needs with those of their relatives. With three kids and four grandparents, and six aunts and uncles, Zoe and Steve were so busy entertaining that they were exhausted at the end of the day. They needed a way to take care of themselves. Their solution was to take a “time-out”. With an agreed-on signal they excused themselves from the group. Zoe talked about her frustrations for five minutes, while Steve just listened. When the 5 minutes was up, Steve told her how much he appreciated how well Zoe was balancing everyone’s needs, and gave her a hug. Later in the day, Mark asked for his 5 minutes. These stress-reducing breaks helped both of them feel refreshed and relaxed at the end of the day.
Rediscover your core values: Take some time to remember what is truly important to you. Whether it’s family, adventure, community, solitude, learning, or freedom – make sure your holiday celebrations reflect those values. When you and your partner have different values, see if there is a way they might overlap.
Shannon wanted to rent a cabin on the Oregon coast and relax with her husband Mark. Mark was looking forward to their tradition of celebrating the holidays with his large and extended family. Their “cabin vs. relatives” discussions went in circles until they let go of the details and started talking about their deeper values. Shannon valued peace and renewal, while Mark focused on the value of togetherness and community. Because each of them talked about what really mattered, they were able to see how important it was to create a holiday that honored both of their needs. It was easy to work out the details because both felt listened to and respected.
If you’ve felt yourself pulled into holiday activities that left you feeling frustrated and tired instead of peaceful and relaxed...this year, try something different. Give up perfection, take care of yourself, turn to your partner, and rediscover your core values. These strategies will help you feel renewed and refreshed, and enjoy a peaceful holiday season.
By Pat LaDouceur, Ph.D.
"OK, Dr. Schwartz, now we know for sure that you have lost it." I can almost hear some of my readers either saying or thinking some like this. No, I am not a mind reader but, perhaps that is what I would think. Anyway, there is some reasoning behind this post.
At the outset, let me state that I am not a research scientist. Yet, I intend to do some research. Let me explain.
Research scientists published an article in the Journal of Proteome Research about their findings that eating an ounce and one half of dark chocolate per day may reduce feelings of stress. It seems that the anti oxidants and other substances found in dark chocolate reduces stress hormones that can be stored in the body and have a negative impact on mood and bring about high blood pressure and heart disease. According to the findings, the levels of stress hormones are reduced in two weeks. These were the results gathered from volunteers who reported hight levels of stress and remained on the daily intake of dark chocolate for two weeks.
Discussion:
Now, I don't know about you and I don't know how accurate these results are nor how carefully controlled there experiments were conducted, but, I decided to follow my own research on this extremely important subject!!
So, no sooner had I read the study than I went out and purchased several bars of dark chocolate. I noticed that my family was not at all reluctant to join in this "experiment" of mine. "After all," we all reasoned, "what could possibly be offensive about such an investigation." We all agreed that this is "very hard work," but some of us had to do it!!!
Remember how difficult it can be to remember to take your medication? Remember how difficult it can be to remember to call the pharmacy to renew your prescriptions? None of us are experiencing any of these difficulties. Curious, huh?
The only possible downside to the experiment is that weight can be gained and that can become stressful. However, other researchers report that dark chocolate causes people to feel very full and, therefore, eat less because their appetite is lowered. The only real problem is with this is to stay with the recommended dose of chocolate and refrain from eating than is recommended.
Well, who am I to argue with science? If the dark chocolate reduces my stress, great. If it does not, it's fun trying and fun is supposed to reduce stress. So, from my personal point of view, this is a win-win situation.
In no way am I suggesting that you, the reader, engage in this type of "risky behavior," but, should you want to try, please remember that it must be Dark Chocolate and no more that an ounce and one half per day.
Caution 1: I cannot predict the risks of going above and beyond the recommended dosage. I can only relate to you that my experience of going beyond one and one half dose is to experience even more happiness.
Caution 2: Please do not throw away your anti depressants. We are a long ways from being able to say that there is anything curative in this.
Ah, reseach is so hard and science demands such self sacrifice!!! What is a person to do???
Your comments are welcome, do not have to be serious and and your jokes are always encouraged.
By Allan N. Schwartz, PhD.
At the outset, let me state that I am not a research scientist. Yet, I intend to do some research. Let me explain.
Research scientists published an article in the Journal of Proteome Research about their findings that eating an ounce and one half of dark chocolate per day may reduce feelings of stress. It seems that the anti oxidants and other substances found in dark chocolate reduces stress hormones that can be stored in the body and have a negative impact on mood and bring about high blood pressure and heart disease. According to the findings, the levels of stress hormones are reduced in two weeks. These were the results gathered from volunteers who reported hight levels of stress and remained on the daily intake of dark chocolate for two weeks.
Discussion:
Now, I don't know about you and I don't know how accurate these results are nor how carefully controlled there experiments were conducted, but, I decided to follow my own research on this extremely important subject!!
So, no sooner had I read the study than I went out and purchased several bars of dark chocolate. I noticed that my family was not at all reluctant to join in this "experiment" of mine. "After all," we all reasoned, "what could possibly be offensive about such an investigation." We all agreed that this is "very hard work," but some of us had to do it!!!
Remember how difficult it can be to remember to take your medication? Remember how difficult it can be to remember to call the pharmacy to renew your prescriptions? None of us are experiencing any of these difficulties. Curious, huh?
The only possible downside to the experiment is that weight can be gained and that can become stressful. However, other researchers report that dark chocolate causes people to feel very full and, therefore, eat less because their appetite is lowered. The only real problem is with this is to stay with the recommended dose of chocolate and refrain from eating than is recommended.
Well, who am I to argue with science? If the dark chocolate reduces my stress, great. If it does not, it's fun trying and fun is supposed to reduce stress. So, from my personal point of view, this is a win-win situation.
In no way am I suggesting that you, the reader, engage in this type of "risky behavior," but, should you want to try, please remember that it must be Dark Chocolate and no more that an ounce and one half per day.
Caution 1: I cannot predict the risks of going above and beyond the recommended dosage. I can only relate to you that my experience of going beyond one and one half dose is to experience even more happiness.
Caution 2: Please do not throw away your anti depressants. We are a long ways from being able to say that there is anything curative in this.
Ah, reseach is so hard and science demands such self sacrifice!!! What is a person to do???
Your comments are welcome, do not have to be serious and and your jokes are always encouraged.
By Allan N. Schwartz, PhD.
Part 2 of 2
In Part 1 of this report you learned how your self-confidence is
formed and how it is extremely sensitive to your experience and
outside influences. In this part, you’ll learn what you can do to
improve your self-confidence.
How to Build Your Self-Confidence
The good news is that a negative self-confidence cycle is
completely reversible! You can learn how to eliminate existing
negative thought reflexes and replace them with positive thought
reflexes. By mastering a few easy techniques you’ll be able to
recognize and reject negative programming before you allow it to
begin to erode your confidence.
There are dozens of techniques to help you build your
self-confidence and self-esteem. These include:
· Positive Affirmations
· Guided Visualization
· Mental Imagery
· Goal-Oriented Meditation
· Breathing Techniques
· Subliminal Programming
· Whole-Brain Learning
Here’s one simple technique you can start using today that will
help you initiate a virtuous cycle of improved self-confidence.
Using Positive Affirmations to Build Self-Confidence
Positive Affirmations are carefully-worded positive statements
that you repeat to yourself and are designed to establish new
thinking patterns in your mind. Using affirmations is a very
effective way to build self-confidence. It seems simple – and
initially it can actually be a little uncomfortable – but
remember, what you’re trying to do is to wear a new groove in
your brain. You’re trying to create a new path of least
resistance and establish a positive reflex in your mind. And the
best way to create a new reflex is through repetition of positive
thoughts, images and feelings.
At the end of this article, I’ve included a small handful of
powerful affirmations for you to begin using today. The way to
use affirmations is to repeat the statements to yourself (out
loud or silently). When you repeat an affirmation, feel it,
believe it, and know it! Put some positive emotion into it.
Emotion-backed programming is the most powerful and long lasting.
Allow yourself to experience the feelings of joy, satisfaction,
power and self-confidence as you do each affirmation. Make each
one a true part of your reality.
Use your favorite affirmations routinely throughout the day, and
really feel them. When you do you will eventually make a quantum
leap. You will suddenly be far beyond the doubts that accompany
wishing, hoping, daydreaming, and even believing. You will enter
the zone of knowing.
When you enter the zone of knowing, supreme self-confidence is
automatically there. All doubt is gone. You know you can do it.
You know it will happen, just as surely as if it had already
happened. And quite likely at some dimension it has happened –
for you! When you enter the zone of knowing, your
self-confidence is unshakable and your untapped potential is
released. You feel invincible!
Another great way to use affirmations is to say them while
looking in a mirror. Say them with feeling and soon you’ll
become aware of how powerful your eyes are. It's said that the
eyes are the windows of the soul. Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote that
each of us carries in our eyes the exact indication of our rank.
We send messages with our eyes that show how we think of
ourselves and how self-confident we are. And that influences how
others respond to us. The more our eyes bespeak self-confidence
and self-esteem, the more other people are likely to hold us in
high esteem. Some people have developed a penetrating gaze that
makes it seem as if they can look into your very soul. As you
practice your affirmations in the mirror, you’ll see this in your
own eyes and soon others will feel the confidence that you
project.
Sample Affirmations
· I now free myself from false limits
· I choose to be self-confident
· I now feel self-confident
· I radiate self-confidence
· I reject negativity at all levels of consciousness
· I love turning negatives into positives
· The more positive I am, the more confident I am
· I now think as a positive person
· I breath as a positive person
· I feel positive and confident
· I am intelligent
· I am capable
· I speak with self-confidence
· My body language projects self-confidence
· People sense my self-confidence, which gives them confidence in
me
· I am positive and confident
· I'm becoming aware of my true potential
· I enjoy being positive
· Being positive builds my self-confidence
· I feel positive and confident
· I am positive and confident
Start Today
There are many other powerful techniques that you can use to
improve your self-confidence and build your self-esteem. But this
will get you started in the right direction.
The most important thing to remember is that repetition and
positive emotions are critical to changing the way you think.
While it’s possible to do this on your own, most people need a
defined program for the direction and support they need to commit
to a change.
Many people find that listening to audio programs (like those
available at http://www.efflearn.com) is the best way to provide
the consistency that’s needed to develop new, healthy, positive
thought habits. In addition to Positive Affirmations, the best
audio programs will incorporate a variety of techniques including
guided visualizations, mental imagery, goal-oriented meditation,
subliminal programming, whole-brain learning, and more.
So, employ whatever resources you need to commit to improving
your self-confidence. Whether it’s an audio program or help from
your friends, family or therapist – your self-confidence is too
important to allow it to wither away. Be confident that you can
improve your confidence and it will change your life.
Building self-confidence by replacing negative thoughts with positive ones through the use of positive affirmations.
In Part 1 of this report you learned how your self-confidence is
formed and how it is extremely sensitive to your experience and
outside influences. In this part, you’ll learn what you can do to
improve your self-confidence.
How to Build Your Self-Confidence
The good news is that a negative self-confidence cycle is
completely reversible! You can learn how to eliminate existing
negative thought reflexes and replace them with positive thought
reflexes. By mastering a few easy techniques you’ll be able to
recognize and reject negative programming before you allow it to
begin to erode your confidence.
There are dozens of techniques to help you build your
self-confidence and self-esteem. These include:
· Positive Affirmations
· Guided Visualization
· Mental Imagery
· Goal-Oriented Meditation
· Breathing Techniques
· Subliminal Programming
· Whole-Brain Learning
Here’s one simple technique you can start using today that will
help you initiate a virtuous cycle of improved self-confidence.
Using Positive Affirmations to Build Self-Confidence
Positive Affirmations are carefully-worded positive statements
that you repeat to yourself and are designed to establish new
thinking patterns in your mind. Using affirmations is a very
effective way to build self-confidence. It seems simple – and
initially it can actually be a little uncomfortable – but
remember, what you’re trying to do is to wear a new groove in
your brain. You’re trying to create a new path of least
resistance and establish a positive reflex in your mind. And the
best way to create a new reflex is through repetition of positive
thoughts, images and feelings.
At the end of this article, I’ve included a small handful of
powerful affirmations for you to begin using today. The way to
use affirmations is to repeat the statements to yourself (out
loud or silently). When you repeat an affirmation, feel it,
believe it, and know it! Put some positive emotion into it.
Emotion-backed programming is the most powerful and long lasting.
Allow yourself to experience the feelings of joy, satisfaction,
power and self-confidence as you do each affirmation. Make each
one a true part of your reality.
Use your favorite affirmations routinely throughout the day, and
really feel them. When you do you will eventually make a quantum
leap. You will suddenly be far beyond the doubts that accompany
wishing, hoping, daydreaming, and even believing. You will enter
the zone of knowing.
When you enter the zone of knowing, supreme self-confidence is
automatically there. All doubt is gone. You know you can do it.
You know it will happen, just as surely as if it had already
happened. And quite likely at some dimension it has happened –
for you! When you enter the zone of knowing, your
self-confidence is unshakable and your untapped potential is
released. You feel invincible!
Another great way to use affirmations is to say them while
looking in a mirror. Say them with feeling and soon you’ll
become aware of how powerful your eyes are. It's said that the
eyes are the windows of the soul. Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote that
each of us carries in our eyes the exact indication of our rank.
We send messages with our eyes that show how we think of
ourselves and how self-confident we are. And that influences how
others respond to us. The more our eyes bespeak self-confidence
and self-esteem, the more other people are likely to hold us in
high esteem. Some people have developed a penetrating gaze that
makes it seem as if they can look into your very soul. As you
practice your affirmations in the mirror, you’ll see this in your
own eyes and soon others will feel the confidence that you
project.
Sample Affirmations
· I now free myself from false limits
· I choose to be self-confident
· I now feel self-confident
· I radiate self-confidence
· I reject negativity at all levels of consciousness
· I love turning negatives into positives
· The more positive I am, the more confident I am
· I now think as a positive person
· I breath as a positive person
· I feel positive and confident
· I am intelligent
· I am capable
· I speak with self-confidence
· My body language projects self-confidence
· People sense my self-confidence, which gives them confidence in
me
· I am positive and confident
· I'm becoming aware of my true potential
· I enjoy being positive
· Being positive builds my self-confidence
· I feel positive and confident
· I am positive and confident
Start Today
There are many other powerful techniques that you can use to
improve your self-confidence and build your self-esteem. But this
will get you started in the right direction.
The most important thing to remember is that repetition and
positive emotions are critical to changing the way you think.
While it’s possible to do this on your own, most people need a
defined program for the direction and support they need to commit
to a change.
Many people find that listening to audio programs (like those
available at http://www.efflearn.com) is the best way to provide
the consistency that’s needed to develop new, healthy, positive
thought habits. In addition to Positive Affirmations, the best
audio programs will incorporate a variety of techniques including
guided visualizations, mental imagery, goal-oriented meditation,
subliminal programming, whole-brain learning, and more.
So, employ whatever resources you need to commit to improving
your self-confidence. Whether it’s an audio program or help from
your friends, family or therapist – your self-confidence is too
important to allow it to wither away. Be confident that you can
improve your confidence and it will change your life.
Building self-confidence by replacing negative thoughts with positive ones through the use of positive affirmations.
By: Jeff Griswold
Would it not be nice if you could avoid bad habits instead of having to quit them after starting? No one will avoid all bad habits. There are just too many to stay away from them all. Yet, you can reduce the number of bad habits you have to conquer.
There are certain bad habits that you can avoid altogether. Your body has no need for nicotine or tar from cigarettes. So, if you do not take that first cigarette, you will never have to face the daunting task of giving them up. It is well worth any social discomfort you might feel to dodge that bullet.
Other bad habits are a matter of degree. Your body needs food. Many people realize that they will gain a lot of weight if they do not take action. However, you cannot just stop eating altogether. You could for awhile, but that would not be healthy either. Instead you must find a way to limit yourself.
To avoid the bad habits involved in letting yourself become overweight, you need to think differently. You can do this by thinking of food as a special treat that you only get at certain times. You can eat like a thin person-picking out the best part and leaving the rest. There are a host of different thinking patterns you can take on to avoid getting fat.
Not exercising is another of the bad habits that will make you gain weight. You may know that you need to get up and move around. You may have every intention to do so. The energy does not seem to be there when you need it. To avoid this bad habit, start slowly. What you may not realize is that the energy will increase as your exercise increases.
Bad habits of personal hygiene can be avoided by developing a positive routine. If you fear going out in public smelling bad, you can make it a habit to shower every morning. Shower more than once a day if the situation calls for it. Brush your teeth and comb your hair. If you are just starting out on your own, you could even make a list. After all, you are probably past those teen years when everyone else made sure you were decent.
Relationships are difficult enough without developing bad habits. If you are getting married, make a point of discussing all the possible trouble areas first. You can do this with a pre-marriage counselor or on your own. Either way, it is good to learn how you each can contribute to keeping away the bad habits of jealousy or neglect.
Many bad habits can be avoided if you will only consider the needs of yourself and of others equally. Putting yourself first at all times makes you selfish and hard to abide. Putting others first all the time just makes you a doormat.
For every bad habit, there is a way to avoid it. The trouble is that no one can be vigilant enough to control that many behaviors. What is more, many bad habits start before people are old enough to think much about it. If you want to, though, you can pass up some of them.
Would it not be nice if you could avoid bad habits instead of having to quit them after starting? No one will avoid all bad habits. There are just too many to stay away from them all. Yet, you can reduce the number of bad habits you have to conquer.
There are certain bad habits that you can avoid altogether. Your body has no need for nicotine or tar from cigarettes. So, if you do not take that first cigarette, you will never have to face the daunting task of giving them up. It is well worth any social discomfort you might feel to dodge that bullet.
Other bad habits are a matter of degree. Your body needs food. Many people realize that they will gain a lot of weight if they do not take action. However, you cannot just stop eating altogether. You could for awhile, but that would not be healthy either. Instead you must find a way to limit yourself.
To avoid the bad habits involved in letting yourself become overweight, you need to think differently. You can do this by thinking of food as a special treat that you only get at certain times. You can eat like a thin person-picking out the best part and leaving the rest. There are a host of different thinking patterns you can take on to avoid getting fat.
Not exercising is another of the bad habits that will make you gain weight. You may know that you need to get up and move around. You may have every intention to do so. The energy does not seem to be there when you need it. To avoid this bad habit, start slowly. What you may not realize is that the energy will increase as your exercise increases.
Bad habits of personal hygiene can be avoided by developing a positive routine. If you fear going out in public smelling bad, you can make it a habit to shower every morning. Shower more than once a day if the situation calls for it. Brush your teeth and comb your hair. If you are just starting out on your own, you could even make a list. After all, you are probably past those teen years when everyone else made sure you were decent.
Relationships are difficult enough without developing bad habits. If you are getting married, make a point of discussing all the possible trouble areas first. You can do this with a pre-marriage counselor or on your own. Either way, it is good to learn how you each can contribute to keeping away the bad habits of jealousy or neglect.
Many bad habits can be avoided if you will only consider the needs of yourself and of others equally. Putting yourself first at all times makes you selfish and hard to abide. Putting others first all the time just makes you a doormat.
For every bad habit, there is a way to avoid it. The trouble is that no one can be vigilant enough to control that many behaviors. What is more, many bad habits start before people are old enough to think much about it. If you want to, though, you can pass up some of them.
Would it not be nice if you could avoid bad habits instead of having to quit them after starting? No one will avoid all bad habits. There are just too many to stay away from them all. Yet, you can reduce the number of bad habits you have to conquer.
By: Arjun Singhe
The idea of a power nap isn't new. They used to be called catnaps. They consist of just a little bit of sleep in order to refresh you. There has been some research done more recently, though, and it shows that there is a right way and a wrong way.
More precisely, there is a right length and a wrong length. If you sleep for longer than twenty to thirty minutes your body gets too deep into the sleep cycle, and you may feel even more groggy than before, the tiredness can last for an hour or more afterwards. So keep those naps short enough. As long as you do that, you can try any one of the following three routines.
1. The Basic Power Nap
If you fall asleep easily, you can simply find a quiet place to lay down and close your eyes. If you are particularly skilled at falling asleep anywhere and anytime, you might just lean back in your chair at work. If you find that you don't wake back up within twenty-five minutes or so, you may need an alarm (the ones on watches are great for this).
2. The Coffee Nap
This is one I heard about from a sleep researcher at a major university. You drink a cup of coffee just before closing your eyes. Then you sleep for the usual fifteen or twenty minutes. The idea is that the caffeine from the coffee will hit your system just about the time you wake up. That means you get the benefit of the nap and a fast recovery from any residual grogginess. I only recommend trying this if you are already a coffee drinker though.
3. Brainwave Entrainment Power Nap
You may have heard of "brainwave entrainment" or "binaural beats." It's a technology that's almost forty years old now, based on early research into states of consciousness and electrical patterns in the brain. Now it has become common in audio products for meditation. Beats or sounds are embedded in a certain way in a background of music or other sounds (rain or waves are common). The result, when listened to with headphones, is an altering of one's brainwave pattern. More specifically, the usual beta brainwaves (above 14 hertz, or cycles per second) are slowed to the alpha range (8 to 14 hertz) or the theta range (4 to 8 hertz).
This causes a meditative state just by listening. That's the usual intent, and these products are great for those who want to meditate deeply without months of practice. However, they are also great for taking a power nap. After all, some people can't fall asleep at will on their own, but most people can be knocked out easily with a good brainwave entrainment CD.
Find one that is thirty minutes long or shorter. I've used one that is just ten minutes, and even that was long enough (and powerful enough) to put me to sleep. Generally you need to use headphones for these to be effective. One last suggestion: Combine the second and third power nap routines and you can get deep rest followed by a burst of mental energy.
A power nap gives you energy and a clearer mind - if you do it right.
More precisely, there is a right length and a wrong length. If you sleep for longer than twenty to thirty minutes your body gets too deep into the sleep cycle, and you may feel even more groggy than before, the tiredness can last for an hour or more afterwards. So keep those naps short enough. As long as you do that, you can try any one of the following three routines.
1. The Basic Power Nap
If you fall asleep easily, you can simply find a quiet place to lay down and close your eyes. If you are particularly skilled at falling asleep anywhere and anytime, you might just lean back in your chair at work. If you find that you don't wake back up within twenty-five minutes or so, you may need an alarm (the ones on watches are great for this).
2. The Coffee Nap
This is one I heard about from a sleep researcher at a major university. You drink a cup of coffee just before closing your eyes. Then you sleep for the usual fifteen or twenty minutes. The idea is that the caffeine from the coffee will hit your system just about the time you wake up. That means you get the benefit of the nap and a fast recovery from any residual grogginess. I only recommend trying this if you are already a coffee drinker though.
3. Brainwave Entrainment Power Nap
You may have heard of "brainwave entrainment" or "binaural beats." It's a technology that's almost forty years old now, based on early research into states of consciousness and electrical patterns in the brain. Now it has become common in audio products for meditation. Beats or sounds are embedded in a certain way in a background of music or other sounds (rain or waves are common). The result, when listened to with headphones, is an altering of one's brainwave pattern. More specifically, the usual beta brainwaves (above 14 hertz, or cycles per second) are slowed to the alpha range (8 to 14 hertz) or the theta range (4 to 8 hertz).
This causes a meditative state just by listening. That's the usual intent, and these products are great for those who want to meditate deeply without months of practice. However, they are also great for taking a power nap. After all, some people can't fall asleep at will on their own, but most people can be knocked out easily with a good brainwave entrainment CD.
Find one that is thirty minutes long or shorter. I've used one that is just ten minutes, and even that was long enough (and powerful enough) to put me to sleep. Generally you need to use headphones for these to be effective. One last suggestion: Combine the second and third power nap routines and you can get deep rest followed by a burst of mental energy.
A power nap gives you energy and a clearer mind - if you do it right.
By: Steve Gillman
It’s a New Year and a new set of resolutions. But how many will you actually see through to the end? And how many will fall by the wayside because of one simple four lettered word . . . FEAR.
Fear gets to the best of us, whether it is fear of failure, fear of success or even fear of fear. All of us have experienced fear at some point in our lives and it can be a real stumbling block that holds us back from being truly successful.
But don’t panic, there is a way to conquer these fears, and what better time to start than this New Year.
Here are my top 10 fast acting tips for you to conquer your fear this year:
1. SEPARATE REALITY FROM PERCEPTION
See the reality of the situation for what it is. Be rational and get clear on the facts. Soul search and explore your perception of the situation at hand.
2. IDENTIFY THE TRIGGER
Isolate the specific aspects of the situation that trigger your fearful thoughts. What’s the worst that could happen? Change the way you look at these triggers and you will immediately change the way you react.
3. KNOW WHERE FEAR LIVES IN YOUR BODY
Be in tune with where your fear lives in your body. Use it as an indicator to tell you when something needs to be addressed. What you are aware of you can act on.
4. BECOME AN OBSERVER
When you observe something, you do it from a detached place. So if you become an observer of your fear, then you’re not in it and reacting instinctively.
5. LISTEN TO YOUR INNER TALK
Monitor your inner conversations. When you hear negative self-talk, stop and change the script to positive talk. Keep repeating it.
6. CREATE A NEW ASSOCIATION
When you feel fear, conjure up a picture of something or someone you love. Keep repeating this and soon your brain will associate your fear trigger with something much more pleasurable.
7. CONSIDER THE WORST
Imagine the worst that can happen and come up with strategies that avoid or lessen the likelihood of it happening. What can you put in place to ensure that the worst-case scenario never happens?
8. LOOK AT THE GLASS HALF FULL
Perception is a very powerful thing. And how you feel about your situation dictates how you respond. So think positively and you’ll give yourself a much better chance of success.
9. LEARN HOW TO CREATE SPACE
Because fear happens in the emotional part of the brain, it’s natural to act instinctively. So when fear rises, break the fear cycle by stopping, creating space and breathing. This will give you time to calm down and allow your rational brain time to catch up.
10: MAKE IT SAFE
When you feel safe, there is no need for fear. One of the best ways to overcome fear is to create the safest environment possible. And that’s why it’s important to practice, practice and practice again.
Finally don’t let fear hold you back from reaching your goals and highest potential this year. If you’d like some extra support and inspiration to stay motivated and on track, why not sign up for my free downloadable One Big Gulp! Kit, which you will find at www.onebiggulp.com. Remember, it’s your life, your choice, so live your greatest life!
It’s a New Year and a new set of resolutions. But how many will you actually see through to the end? And how many will fall by the wayside because of one simple four lettered word . . . FEAR. Fear gets to the best of us, whether it is fear of failure, fear of success or even fear of fear. All of us have experienced fear at some point in our lives and it can be a real stumbling block that holds us back from being truly successful. But don’t panic, there is a way to conqu...
Fear gets to the best of us, whether it is fear of failure, fear of success or even fear of fear. All of us have experienced fear at some point in our lives and it can be a real stumbling block that holds us back from being truly successful.
But don’t panic, there is a way to conquer these fears, and what better time to start than this New Year.
Here are my top 10 fast acting tips for you to conquer your fear this year:
1. SEPARATE REALITY FROM PERCEPTION
See the reality of the situation for what it is. Be rational and get clear on the facts. Soul search and explore your perception of the situation at hand.
2. IDENTIFY THE TRIGGER
Isolate the specific aspects of the situation that trigger your fearful thoughts. What’s the worst that could happen? Change the way you look at these triggers and you will immediately change the way you react.
3. KNOW WHERE FEAR LIVES IN YOUR BODY
Be in tune with where your fear lives in your body. Use it as an indicator to tell you when something needs to be addressed. What you are aware of you can act on.
4. BECOME AN OBSERVER
When you observe something, you do it from a detached place. So if you become an observer of your fear, then you’re not in it and reacting instinctively.
5. LISTEN TO YOUR INNER TALK
Monitor your inner conversations. When you hear negative self-talk, stop and change the script to positive talk. Keep repeating it.
6. CREATE A NEW ASSOCIATION
When you feel fear, conjure up a picture of something or someone you love. Keep repeating this and soon your brain will associate your fear trigger with something much more pleasurable.
7. CONSIDER THE WORST
Imagine the worst that can happen and come up with strategies that avoid or lessen the likelihood of it happening. What can you put in place to ensure that the worst-case scenario never happens?
8. LOOK AT THE GLASS HALF FULL
Perception is a very powerful thing. And how you feel about your situation dictates how you respond. So think positively and you’ll give yourself a much better chance of success.
9. LEARN HOW TO CREATE SPACE
Because fear happens in the emotional part of the brain, it’s natural to act instinctively. So when fear rises, break the fear cycle by stopping, creating space and breathing. This will give you time to calm down and allow your rational brain time to catch up.
10: MAKE IT SAFE
When you feel safe, there is no need for fear. One of the best ways to overcome fear is to create the safest environment possible. And that’s why it’s important to practice, practice and practice again.
Finally don’t let fear hold you back from reaching your goals and highest potential this year. If you’d like some extra support and inspiration to stay motivated and on track, why not sign up for my free downloadable One Big Gulp! Kit, which you will find at www.onebiggulp.com. Remember, it’s your life, your choice, so live your greatest life!
It’s a New Year and a new set of resolutions. But how many will you actually see through to the end? And how many will fall by the wayside because of one simple four lettered word . . . FEAR. Fear gets to the best of us, whether it is fear of failure, fear of success or even fear of fear. All of us have experienced fear at some point in our lives and it can be a real stumbling block that holds us back from being truly successful. But don’t panic, there is a way to conqu...
Each of these catch words connotes a new, and often troubling, set of feelings in your psyche when you realize how far you believe you fall short in fulfilling their definitions. And, after all, isn’t that what we are taught to value?
From childhood on, we are asked what we want to “become” when we “grow up”. We are praised for our ability to manage our time well to achieve the lofty goals that our schooling, parents, religions and society literally command us to embrace. When we turn to look around us for, perhaps, a better way, we see our peer group incorporating these self-same ambitions into their frame of reference for what life “is all about”. And, so, in the desire to be accepted and to “succeed in life”, we teach ourselves to multitask, taking on much more than we can competently accomplish in one day and fall exhausted into bed each night. Often, this lifestyle leads us to the dis-ease that we term as illness rather than realizing how much we have been taught to be ill at ease with our own biology.
Yet, where are we to go? How are we to know that which is the truth of our own desires when so much of what we believe, speak and do is conditioned by the very environment around us. No matter our belief system regarding how we got here, we hope there must be something that is foolproof, that has the answers for the questions of how to live with ease, joy and prosperity – and there is!
In the center of the human body, connected to the brain which multitasks naturally, is the organ of personal truth – the heart. This is not a romantic notion nor is it a spiritual theory based on the “warm fuzzies”. It is scientific, proven and being used in a round of institutions, schools of thought and classes throughout the world. It simply is not something that hits the daily press with any regularity.
The heart’s magnetic field is 5,000 times greater and the electrical field 60 times greater in strength than the field generated by the brain. It has the ability to entrain all organs of the body to its vibrational frequency including the DNA and genes. The brain relies on the wavelengths emitted by the heart to create cortical facilitation that allows the cortex of the brain to evaluate experiences and promote the appropriate responses. When the rhythms of the heart are jagged or irregular, the brain experiences cortical inhibition and cannot perceive, think and consequently act in a desirable manner. Vibrational entrainment with the heart’s frequency is optimal to creating a coherent frequency wavelength.
What does this mean? It means that concentration on the heart, really paying attention to what the heart is saying to be, to do, to think and to speak creates entrainment of your entire experience. Entrainment is defined as the act of drawing along with oneself. When the body (including its DNA, the foundation for life) and the brain (processing the thoughts of the mind) are entrained with the heart (the strongest electromagnetic organ in the body), a state of inner peace is achieved. The brain is able to think more clearly (cortical facilitation). A coherent frequency wavelength is reached within your whole experience of your day; that is, all is in the flow of your desires, the true urging of your heart and the Universal Law of Attraction (like attracts like) is accommodated in the most perfect way for you.
Feelings and e-motion (energy in motion) go hand-in-hand. E-motion is neutral (neither good nor bad) and contains only the positive or negative significance you assign to it. The brain/mind may look for that which is familiar and attempt to place all unfamiliar interactions into a more comfortable context through the energy of emotion. Emotion is personal and relative to the person experiencing it. There is no definition of “no” in the Universe. If attention is placed upon an interaction, more of the same will be created until the focus is shifted. This is the basis of the Law of Attraction and it is within this framework that the universe, as we know it, works.
What are your daily thoughts and feelings? Where is your attention placed? Do you know that you can actually change the focus of your DNA by your daily thought patterns? Do you realize that your belief system literally rules what you experience everyday in every way?
All of these questions and their answers are available to you through listening to the yearnings of your heart, doing a bit of personal research and, most applicably, living your life as you FEEL it is to be lived rather than how you have been trained it SHOULD be lived. Trust your heart. Assign your thought patterns to it. Find a sense of appreciation for everything you experience and watch that awareness make you more aware of your ability to truly create your life – exactly as you want it to be.
Time Management and multitasking are keywords in today's cultural. Why do we feel that we fall so short in fulfilling their inner edict?
From childhood on, we are asked what we want to “become” when we “grow up”. We are praised for our ability to manage our time well to achieve the lofty goals that our schooling, parents, religions and society literally command us to embrace. When we turn to look around us for, perhaps, a better way, we see our peer group incorporating these self-same ambitions into their frame of reference for what life “is all about”. And, so, in the desire to be accepted and to “succeed in life”, we teach ourselves to multitask, taking on much more than we can competently accomplish in one day and fall exhausted into bed each night. Often, this lifestyle leads us to the dis-ease that we term as illness rather than realizing how much we have been taught to be ill at ease with our own biology.
Yet, where are we to go? How are we to know that which is the truth of our own desires when so much of what we believe, speak and do is conditioned by the very environment around us. No matter our belief system regarding how we got here, we hope there must be something that is foolproof, that has the answers for the questions of how to live with ease, joy and prosperity – and there is!
In the center of the human body, connected to the brain which multitasks naturally, is the organ of personal truth – the heart. This is not a romantic notion nor is it a spiritual theory based on the “warm fuzzies”. It is scientific, proven and being used in a round of institutions, schools of thought and classes throughout the world. It simply is not something that hits the daily press with any regularity.
The heart’s magnetic field is 5,000 times greater and the electrical field 60 times greater in strength than the field generated by the brain. It has the ability to entrain all organs of the body to its vibrational frequency including the DNA and genes. The brain relies on the wavelengths emitted by the heart to create cortical facilitation that allows the cortex of the brain to evaluate experiences and promote the appropriate responses. When the rhythms of the heart are jagged or irregular, the brain experiences cortical inhibition and cannot perceive, think and consequently act in a desirable manner. Vibrational entrainment with the heart’s frequency is optimal to creating a coherent frequency wavelength.
What does this mean? It means that concentration on the heart, really paying attention to what the heart is saying to be, to do, to think and to speak creates entrainment of your entire experience. Entrainment is defined as the act of drawing along with oneself. When the body (including its DNA, the foundation for life) and the brain (processing the thoughts of the mind) are entrained with the heart (the strongest electromagnetic organ in the body), a state of inner peace is achieved. The brain is able to think more clearly (cortical facilitation). A coherent frequency wavelength is reached within your whole experience of your day; that is, all is in the flow of your desires, the true urging of your heart and the Universal Law of Attraction (like attracts like) is accommodated in the most perfect way for you.
Feelings and e-motion (energy in motion) go hand-in-hand. E-motion is neutral (neither good nor bad) and contains only the positive or negative significance you assign to it. The brain/mind may look for that which is familiar and attempt to place all unfamiliar interactions into a more comfortable context through the energy of emotion. Emotion is personal and relative to the person experiencing it. There is no definition of “no” in the Universe. If attention is placed upon an interaction, more of the same will be created until the focus is shifted. This is the basis of the Law of Attraction and it is within this framework that the universe, as we know it, works.
What are your daily thoughts and feelings? Where is your attention placed? Do you know that you can actually change the focus of your DNA by your daily thought patterns? Do you realize that your belief system literally rules what you experience everyday in every way?
All of these questions and their answers are available to you through listening to the yearnings of your heart, doing a bit of personal research and, most applicably, living your life as you FEEL it is to be lived rather than how you have been trained it SHOULD be lived. Trust your heart. Assign your thought patterns to it. Find a sense of appreciation for everything you experience and watch that awareness make you more aware of your ability to truly create your life – exactly as you want it to be.
Time Management and multitasking are keywords in today's cultural. Why do we feel that we fall so short in fulfilling their inner edict?
Which personal issue bothers you most? Do you worry too much? Are you compulsive about little details, or do you dismiss them without realizing it? Developing a personal development plan will allow you to consider those aspects of your personality that you want to modify.
Using personal development, people become knowledgeable about their personal strengths and shortcomings. They solve problems and strengthen relationships by relying on strong points and minimizing frailties. This also requires an individual to look seriously at troublesome issues with their personality and determine by what process they can best be changed.
Developing a formal personal development plan takes integrity, perseverance, and hard work. To begin, consider your strong points and faults candidly. Then, determine which you are willing to alter. These tough evaluations are part of personal values development. Next, you must be ready to make the effort to improve those aspects of yourself least congruent with your own personal values.
Developing a personal development plan needs input from another, trusted individual in your life. Find someone who understands you better than any other person. Ask that individual for his or her evaluation of your positive and negative attributes. Ask this individual to assist you in your quest for personal development and self help.
Most self improvement books include very general personal development tips. While these can be useful, they aren't always helpful in every situation. Additionally, constructing a structured personal development plan without feedback from a professional is nearly impossible.
Alternate traditionally employed strategies for self help include behavior therapy and group therapy. Unfortunately, these, only assist people to focus on elements of negative attitudes and behaviors that they already see and understand. These strategies focus on the symptoms, not the root, of the issue.
A better way to help people deal with character faults and capitalize on their positive attributes is personal development hypnosis. Hypnotists can use this approach to assist people to develop a formal personal development plan. These professionals allow individuals to evaluate faults and devise creative ways to work toward self improvement.
Often, people who are critical thinkers or have difficulty accepting directed suggestions find traditional approaches to self improvement hypnosis less effective than do those who receive suggestions easily. For these persons, Ericksonian techniques for personal development hypnosis, and Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), work much more effectively. These strategies work well in helping analytical people to strive for self improvement.
Individuals with elevated anxiety levels usually benefit from self improvement hypnosis. During treatment, regression or improved recall strategies may encourage the person to explain unconscious, pervasive causes of anxiety. After determining what results in the client's anxiety, a professional hypnotist can suggest personal development ideas that allow the individual to eliminate life stresses. This single technique usually motivates them to address issues.
Individuals dependent on certain foods or tobacco typically gain help from Ericksonian or traditional kinds of self improvement hypnosis as well. By means of hypnotic suggestion, they become less dependent on food or tobacco to provide sensations of calm and tranquility. Moreover, hypnosis professionals assist individuals to overcome unconscious associations between food, cigarette smoking, or tobacco chewing and pleasurable pastimes like listening to music or watching television.
Forming an effective personal development plan sometimes requires the presence of an objective counselor. Identifying one's strong points and using them to overcome weaknesses is tough. Some individuals struggle with the admission of their failings to themselves; it is even harder to discuss these weaknesses in behavioral or group counseling.
Self improvement hypnosis aids individuals to deal with these struggles at the unconscious level, where they develop. Professionals who work using this methodology assist people by offering direct or indirect tips for assisting them to work toward personal development.
Summary:
The majority of people yearn to alter at least one element of their characters or behaviors. Traditional self help literature and counseling therapies attempt to assist individuals to develop a personal development plan. These persons are limited, however, by their lack of ability to address problematic behaviors in the unconscious, where problems begin. Personal development hypnosis that uses either traditional or Ericksonian approaches is perfect for helping persons to overcome weak points by addressing the root of the problem.
Often people struggle with discussing their problems to others, or they are without the needed money to seek the assistance of a counselor. Usually, custom hypnosis recordings created by a professional hypnotist skilled in Ericksonian Hypnotherapy and NLP can be remarkably beneficial.
What personal characteristic bothers you most strongly? Are you easily stressed? Do you struggle with an addictive personality? Frequently, personal development efforts falter when a person works to center his or her mode of change on conscious thought, when the issues are actually focused on the unconscious part of the brain. Educate yourself about the potent techniques an individual can use to cause speedy personal development.
Using personal development, people become knowledgeable about their personal strengths and shortcomings. They solve problems and strengthen relationships by relying on strong points and minimizing frailties. This also requires an individual to look seriously at troublesome issues with their personality and determine by what process they can best be changed.
Developing a formal personal development plan takes integrity, perseverance, and hard work. To begin, consider your strong points and faults candidly. Then, determine which you are willing to alter. These tough evaluations are part of personal values development. Next, you must be ready to make the effort to improve those aspects of yourself least congruent with your own personal values.
Developing a personal development plan needs input from another, trusted individual in your life. Find someone who understands you better than any other person. Ask that individual for his or her evaluation of your positive and negative attributes. Ask this individual to assist you in your quest for personal development and self help.
Most self improvement books include very general personal development tips. While these can be useful, they aren't always helpful in every situation. Additionally, constructing a structured personal development plan without feedback from a professional is nearly impossible.
Alternate traditionally employed strategies for self help include behavior therapy and group therapy. Unfortunately, these, only assist people to focus on elements of negative attitudes and behaviors that they already see and understand. These strategies focus on the symptoms, not the root, of the issue.
A better way to help people deal with character faults and capitalize on their positive attributes is personal development hypnosis. Hypnotists can use this approach to assist people to develop a formal personal development plan. These professionals allow individuals to evaluate faults and devise creative ways to work toward self improvement.
Often, people who are critical thinkers or have difficulty accepting directed suggestions find traditional approaches to self improvement hypnosis less effective than do those who receive suggestions easily. For these persons, Ericksonian techniques for personal development hypnosis, and Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), work much more effectively. These strategies work well in helping analytical people to strive for self improvement.
Individuals with elevated anxiety levels usually benefit from self improvement hypnosis. During treatment, regression or improved recall strategies may encourage the person to explain unconscious, pervasive causes of anxiety. After determining what results in the client's anxiety, a professional hypnotist can suggest personal development ideas that allow the individual to eliminate life stresses. This single technique usually motivates them to address issues.
Individuals dependent on certain foods or tobacco typically gain help from Ericksonian or traditional kinds of self improvement hypnosis as well. By means of hypnotic suggestion, they become less dependent on food or tobacco to provide sensations of calm and tranquility. Moreover, hypnosis professionals assist individuals to overcome unconscious associations between food, cigarette smoking, or tobacco chewing and pleasurable pastimes like listening to music or watching television.
Forming an effective personal development plan sometimes requires the presence of an objective counselor. Identifying one's strong points and using them to overcome weaknesses is tough. Some individuals struggle with the admission of their failings to themselves; it is even harder to discuss these weaknesses in behavioral or group counseling.
Self improvement hypnosis aids individuals to deal with these struggles at the unconscious level, where they develop. Professionals who work using this methodology assist people by offering direct or indirect tips for assisting them to work toward personal development.
Summary:
The majority of people yearn to alter at least one element of their characters or behaviors. Traditional self help literature and counseling therapies attempt to assist individuals to develop a personal development plan. These persons are limited, however, by their lack of ability to address problematic behaviors in the unconscious, where problems begin. Personal development hypnosis that uses either traditional or Ericksonian approaches is perfect for helping persons to overcome weak points by addressing the root of the problem.
Often people struggle with discussing their problems to others, or they are without the needed money to seek the assistance of a counselor. Usually, custom hypnosis recordings created by a professional hypnotist skilled in Ericksonian Hypnotherapy and NLP can be remarkably beneficial.
What personal characteristic bothers you most strongly? Are you easily stressed? Do you struggle with an addictive personality? Frequently, personal development efforts falter when a person works to center his or her mode of change on conscious thought, when the issues are actually focused on the unconscious part of the brain. Educate yourself about the potent techniques an individual can use to cause speedy personal development.
Does fear ever immobilize you, or keep you from moving forward?
Passion is a perfect prescription - or antidote - for fear. You will see why as you read on about an intuitive vision consultation I did for a business owner the other day. She came to me because of a chronic problem - she was often frozen by fear that seriously affected her productivity.
She said that sometimes one challenging telephone call she needs to make could "destroy three days" of her life. She also said that she has so many things to do during the week that she feels overwhelmed and it is hard for her to focus her attention on any one thing.
According to her, she developed this pattern as a child in response to her father's temper. Part of her defense was to try to become invisible. It was interesting that in the vision I had, I didn't see her in the picture. She had succeeded in becoming invisible - she had become invisible to herself.
What Does Passion Have to Do with All of This?
As you read on simply substitute YOUR passion for "writing" and you will see. . .
Early in the reading, this client said, "I'm a novelist. That's my passion." On weekends, the freezing fear shows up when she is torn between working on her novel, or on something else that needs to get done.
When you know your passion, it is most important that you spend time with that passion . . . if you are a novelist you have to write.
When you write, you come alive - the life force flows through you. When you write, you become present and real, or visible, to yourself.
Whatever else needs to be done is fine to do, as long as the writing is done first. When other things pull you away from what's most important - away from your passion - you are pulled away from YOU.
It's very frightening to be pulled away from yourself. When you're not present or visible to YOU, you're not present for the rest of your life, and even the simplest things can feel overwhelming.
Fear is perpetuated every time you choose something that's least important over what's most important. Passion is your touchstone to what's most important.
The antidote to fear is to give yourself over to your passion in a significant way. It is a requirement that you write to dissolve your fear.
The very act of writing is saying yes to you. Every time you make the choice to give yourself over to your authentic passion, you become more visible to yourself.
Every time you say yes to what's most important to you, your self-confidence increases. You grow in trusting yourself to face whatever is "out there" in the world because you have shored up what's "in here."
The more you live your passion, the more the life force flows through you and the less room there is for fear. What you're doing is more important - life itself becomes more important.
The Life Force is the generator of your spiritual DNA, which is encoded with spiritual gifts such as power, confidence and faith. When any of these spiritual gifts is present, there is either no room for fear or fear becomes irrelevant.
As you can see, it is most important for you to write! You have to write, above and beyond anything else.
Acting on your passion is the natural remedy, the antidote to fear! But more than that, living your passion makes you feel alive. And isn't that what life is all about, really?!
Step Into Your Greatness and Live Your Passion!
P.S. I want to hear from you when your book rolls off the presses.
Does fear ever immobilize you, or keep you from moving forward? Passion is a perfect prescription - or antidote - for fear. Activate your passion prescription now!
Passion is a perfect prescription - or antidote - for fear. You will see why as you read on about an intuitive vision consultation I did for a business owner the other day. She came to me because of a chronic problem - she was often frozen by fear that seriously affected her productivity.
She said that sometimes one challenging telephone call she needs to make could "destroy three days" of her life. She also said that she has so many things to do during the week that she feels overwhelmed and it is hard for her to focus her attention on any one thing.
According to her, she developed this pattern as a child in response to her father's temper. Part of her defense was to try to become invisible. It was interesting that in the vision I had, I didn't see her in the picture. She had succeeded in becoming invisible - she had become invisible to herself.
What Does Passion Have to Do with All of This?
As you read on simply substitute YOUR passion for "writing" and you will see. . .
Early in the reading, this client said, "I'm a novelist. That's my passion." On weekends, the freezing fear shows up when she is torn between working on her novel, or on something else that needs to get done.
When you know your passion, it is most important that you spend time with that passion . . . if you are a novelist you have to write.
When you write, you come alive - the life force flows through you. When you write, you become present and real, or visible, to yourself.
Whatever else needs to be done is fine to do, as long as the writing is done first. When other things pull you away from what's most important - away from your passion - you are pulled away from YOU.
It's very frightening to be pulled away from yourself. When you're not present or visible to YOU, you're not present for the rest of your life, and even the simplest things can feel overwhelming.
Fear is perpetuated every time you choose something that's least important over what's most important. Passion is your touchstone to what's most important.
The antidote to fear is to give yourself over to your passion in a significant way. It is a requirement that you write to dissolve your fear.
The very act of writing is saying yes to you. Every time you make the choice to give yourself over to your authentic passion, you become more visible to yourself.
Every time you say yes to what's most important to you, your self-confidence increases. You grow in trusting yourself to face whatever is "out there" in the world because you have shored up what's "in here."
The more you live your passion, the more the life force flows through you and the less room there is for fear. What you're doing is more important - life itself becomes more important.
The Life Force is the generator of your spiritual DNA, which is encoded with spiritual gifts such as power, confidence and faith. When any of these spiritual gifts is present, there is either no room for fear or fear becomes irrelevant.
As you can see, it is most important for you to write! You have to write, above and beyond anything else.
Acting on your passion is the natural remedy, the antidote to fear! But more than that, living your passion makes you feel alive. And isn't that what life is all about, really?!
Step Into Your Greatness and Live Your Passion!
P.S. I want to hear from you when your book rolls off the presses.
Does fear ever immobilize you, or keep you from moving forward? Passion is a perfect prescription - or antidote - for fear. Activate your passion prescription now!
By: ReggieO
In the 37 years that I have been counseling individuals, I have worked with many people who have suffered from severe physical, emotional, and/or sexual abuse in childhood. Many who have sought my help were suffering from fear and anxiety, depression, various addictions, relationship problems and sexual problems. Many of these people had no memory of their childhood and had no idea why there were so unhappy. Many had spent years in therapy yet had never remembered their abuse.
The reason they could not remember the traumatic events of their childhood is because the child or children within, who suffered the abuse, did not feel safe in revealing the abuse. These unconscious inner parts were protecting the person from reliving the horrible pain of the past. These inner children knew that the adult self did not have the strength to learn about and manage the information and the feelings.
In order to remember and heal traumatic events from the past that are affecting you today, you need to have a strong and loving Adult self who is capable of managing emotional pain. Without this loving inner Adult, you may get so flooded and overwhelmed with the feelings of traumatic memories that you cannot function.
The gentle, transformational Inner Bonding process that we teach is a process for developing this strong, loving Adult self. The loving Adult is the aspect of us that is connected with a powerful and loving Source of spiritual guidance – whatever this is for you. Learning and practicing the Inner Bonding process develops your ability to connect with your personal Source of spiritual guidance. It is your connection with your guidance that gives you the strength to manage the intensely painful feelings of childhood abuse.
Once the inner children who hold the memories feel safe that there is a loving Adult self who is capable of managing the feelings, you will start to remember your past. As these memories come up, you will begin to understand the conclusions you drew about yourself that are currently causing your pain. Almost all children who have been abused draw erroneous conclusions about themselves as a result of the abuse – false beliefs such as, “I’m not important.” “I have no worth.” “I am just an object for others’ use.” “I am not lovable.” “I should never have been born.” “I would be better off dead.” “I don’t deserve love.” “I am a bad person.” It is these beliefs that are causing your present pain.
Healing from childhood abuse is not just about remembering the past. It is about remembering the very good reasons you had for drawing the conclusions that are currently causing you such pain. It is about gently and lovingly acknowledging what happened that led to your present beliefs that are now limiting you. It is about learning how to access the truth from your spiritual source so that you can move out of lies that you are telling yourself that are causing your current pain.
Most of us learn to treat ourselves based on how we were treated and how our parents or caregivers treated themselves. When your parents abused you, they were also not taking loving care of themselves and were not role modeling loving self-care. As long as you treat yourself the way your parents or other caregivers treated you and themselves, you will suffer. Healing from childhood abuse is about developing your loving Adult self so that you can learn to treat your inner child or inner children the way you always wanted to be treated.
You CAN fully heal from childhood abuse, but only through learning to access and bring into your being the love, truth, wisdom and strength of your spiritual guidance. Through learning and practicing the Inner Bonding process, you will discover the incredibly beautiful and perfect essence within you – the part of you that was never damaged by the abuse. This is your true Self that will emerge as you heal the false beliefs of your wounded self. This is what will happen as you develop your loving Adult self through learning and practicing the Inner Bonding process.
In the 37 years that I have been counseling individuals, I have worked with many people who have suffered from severe physical, emotional, and/or sexual abuse in childhood. Many who have sought my help were suffering from fear and anxiety, depression, various addictions, relationship problems and sexual problems. Many of these people had no memory of their childhood and had no idea why there were so unhappy. Many had spent years in therapy yet had never remembered their abuse...
The reason they could not remember the traumatic events of their childhood is because the child or children within, who suffered the abuse, did not feel safe in revealing the abuse. These unconscious inner parts were protecting the person from reliving the horrible pain of the past. These inner children knew that the adult self did not have the strength to learn about and manage the information and the feelings.
In order to remember and heal traumatic events from the past that are affecting you today, you need to have a strong and loving Adult self who is capable of managing emotional pain. Without this loving inner Adult, you may get so flooded and overwhelmed with the feelings of traumatic memories that you cannot function.
The gentle, transformational Inner Bonding process that we teach is a process for developing this strong, loving Adult self. The loving Adult is the aspect of us that is connected with a powerful and loving Source of spiritual guidance – whatever this is for you. Learning and practicing the Inner Bonding process develops your ability to connect with your personal Source of spiritual guidance. It is your connection with your guidance that gives you the strength to manage the intensely painful feelings of childhood abuse.
Once the inner children who hold the memories feel safe that there is a loving Adult self who is capable of managing the feelings, you will start to remember your past. As these memories come up, you will begin to understand the conclusions you drew about yourself that are currently causing your pain. Almost all children who have been abused draw erroneous conclusions about themselves as a result of the abuse – false beliefs such as, “I’m not important.” “I have no worth.” “I am just an object for others’ use.” “I am not lovable.” “I should never have been born.” “I would be better off dead.” “I don’t deserve love.” “I am a bad person.” It is these beliefs that are causing your present pain.
Healing from childhood abuse is not just about remembering the past. It is about remembering the very good reasons you had for drawing the conclusions that are currently causing you such pain. It is about gently and lovingly acknowledging what happened that led to your present beliefs that are now limiting you. It is about learning how to access the truth from your spiritual source so that you can move out of lies that you are telling yourself that are causing your current pain.
Most of us learn to treat ourselves based on how we were treated and how our parents or caregivers treated themselves. When your parents abused you, they were also not taking loving care of themselves and were not role modeling loving self-care. As long as you treat yourself the way your parents or other caregivers treated you and themselves, you will suffer. Healing from childhood abuse is about developing your loving Adult self so that you can learn to treat your inner child or inner children the way you always wanted to be treated.
You CAN fully heal from childhood abuse, but only through learning to access and bring into your being the love, truth, wisdom and strength of your spiritual guidance. Through learning and practicing the Inner Bonding process, you will discover the incredibly beautiful and perfect essence within you – the part of you that was never damaged by the abuse. This is your true Self that will emerge as you heal the false beliefs of your wounded self. This is what will happen as you develop your loving Adult self through learning and practicing the Inner Bonding process.
In the 37 years that I have been counseling individuals, I have worked with many people who have suffered from severe physical, emotional, and/or sexual abuse in childhood. Many who have sought my help were suffering from fear and anxiety, depression, various addictions, relationship problems and sexual problems. Many of these people had no memory of their childhood and had no idea why there were so unhappy. Many had spent years in therapy yet had never remembered their abuse...
Good metaphors, apart from just sounding nice to the ears, do at least two other things. First, they make it easier to think about something. For example, if you were to try to explain to a first-time computer user that bits of electricity create binary code which then... well, I can't explain it actually, except to say that a computer has "memory," at which point the user nods his or her head and says, "Oh, I get it." The metaphor "memory" immediately suggests that information can be stored and retrieved.
Good metaphors also expand our ways of thinking about things, and in so doing suggest new ideas. For example, if we say that time is a river, we think of it flowing along, perhaps with us in it. That suggests the possibility of swimming upstream, against the current of time - in other words traveling into the past. Most physicists think that time travel (in one direction or the other or both) is possible, and their theories are not unrelated to the metaphors they use to understand it.
If we think of time as a dimension, we might note that the measurements of things in other dimensions can change, as can their relationships to other things. We can make a piece of paper wider, taller, and thicker. We can also put it further to this side or that of a cup of coffee, or above or below it. This also suggests the question of whether events or things can be similarly moved around in time.
Now, if time is an eternal "book," with events each taking their place in its pages, we are less likely to imagine those events changing places. We are less likely to imagine moving ourselves around within the book. On the other hand, this metaphor of a book suggests a reader, who would be presumably outside of time - perhaps a god?
Good Metaphors Are Tools
The subtitle above is a metaphor, of course, and a good one I think. Tools are something you use for specific purposes. When you have a new purpose, you reach for a new tool. If a better tool comes along, you drop the old one and use the new one.
This is why it is much easier to say which metaphors are "good," yet difficult to claim that one is "best." For example, if we want to explore all of the perspectives on time, as above, we need to use more than one metaphor. We want to use as many as we can think of that might add something to our understanding.
Let's look at one more example. What metaphors can we use for a fearful state of mind? We can choose to see that certain negative thoughts are seeds. Plant a fear seed and what grows? A fear tree. This suggests that there may be something nourishing the fears that grow within us, as water and nutrients nourish a tree.
Perhaps it is our attention to those thoughts that feeds them. This immediately suggests that if we withdraw that nourishment, the tree will begin to die. This, by the way, is not just a fanciful idea. My experience and that of others confirms that this is a good metaphor for how our minds actually work.
In fact, if instead of thinking of negative thoughts as your "self," you saw them as "invaders," "impostors," or even "conspirators against you," you might immediately trust them less. This can change your approach to life - and therefore your results in life - fairly quickly. That makes these not only good metaphors, but powerful tools.
A look at what good metaphors consist of and how they are useful.
Good metaphors also expand our ways of thinking about things, and in so doing suggest new ideas. For example, if we say that time is a river, we think of it flowing along, perhaps with us in it. That suggests the possibility of swimming upstream, against the current of time - in other words traveling into the past. Most physicists think that time travel (in one direction or the other or both) is possible, and their theories are not unrelated to the metaphors they use to understand it.
If we think of time as a dimension, we might note that the measurements of things in other dimensions can change, as can their relationships to other things. We can make a piece of paper wider, taller, and thicker. We can also put it further to this side or that of a cup of coffee, or above or below it. This also suggests the question of whether events or things can be similarly moved around in time.
Now, if time is an eternal "book," with events each taking their place in its pages, we are less likely to imagine those events changing places. We are less likely to imagine moving ourselves around within the book. On the other hand, this metaphor of a book suggests a reader, who would be presumably outside of time - perhaps a god?
Good Metaphors Are Tools
The subtitle above is a metaphor, of course, and a good one I think. Tools are something you use for specific purposes. When you have a new purpose, you reach for a new tool. If a better tool comes along, you drop the old one and use the new one.
This is why it is much easier to say which metaphors are "good," yet difficult to claim that one is "best." For example, if we want to explore all of the perspectives on time, as above, we need to use more than one metaphor. We want to use as many as we can think of that might add something to our understanding.
Let's look at one more example. What metaphors can we use for a fearful state of mind? We can choose to see that certain negative thoughts are seeds. Plant a fear seed and what grows? A fear tree. This suggests that there may be something nourishing the fears that grow within us, as water and nutrients nourish a tree.
Perhaps it is our attention to those thoughts that feeds them. This immediately suggests that if we withdraw that nourishment, the tree will begin to die. This, by the way, is not just a fanciful idea. My experience and that of others confirms that this is a good metaphor for how our minds actually work.
In fact, if instead of thinking of negative thoughts as your "self," you saw them as "invaders," "impostors," or even "conspirators against you," you might immediately trust them less. This can change your approach to life - and therefore your results in life - fairly quickly. That makes these not only good metaphors, but powerful tools.
A look at what good metaphors consist of and how they are useful.
By: Steve Gillman
How many of you consider the importance of sleep in relation to fat-loss, injury prevention and recovery, lack of focus, and overall health and vitality?
According to a study published in the Lancet Medical Journal (1) chronic sleep deprivation may speed the onset or increase the severity of age-related conditions such as type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, obesity, and memory loss.
Just one week of sleep deprivation altered subject’s hormone levels and their capacity to metabolize carbohydrates.
During sleep deprivation the researchers found that the men's blood sugar levels took 40% longer to drop following a high-carbohydrate meal, compared with the control group (well rested group).
Their ability to secrete and respond to the hormone insulin (which helps regulate blood sugar) dropped by 30%.
Additionally, the sleep-deprived men had higher night-time concentrations of the hormone cortisol, (hormone released in response to stress), and lower levels of thyroid-stimulating hormone.
These raised cortisol levels mimic levels that are often seen in older people, and may be involved in age-related insulin resistance and memory loss.
So with that in mind here are some helpful tips to getting a good night’s sleep:
1. Get to sleep by 10.00 pm if possible – as most of the physical repair in your body takes place between 10 pm and 2 am. For example the gallbladder dumps toxins during this period. If you are awake then your liver is being overworked and perhaps sending toxins into your bloodstream.
2. Establish a regular, relaxing bedtime routine such as soaking in a hot bath and then reading a book or listening to soothing music. Some studies suggest that soaking in hot water before retiring to bed can ease the transition into deeper sleep, but it should be done early enough that you are no longer sweating or over-heated.
3. Create a sleep-conducive environment that is dark, quiet, comfortable, cool, and without interruptions. Design your sleep environment to establish the conditions you need for sleep. Also make your bedroom reflective of the value you place on sleep. If there is even the tiniest bit of light in the room it can disrupt your circadian rhythm and your pineal gland's production of melatonin and serotonin (growth and immune boasting hormones).
4. Avoid arousing activities before bedtime like working, paying bills, engaging in competitive games or family problem-solving.
5. Avoid exposure to bright light before bedtime because it signals the neurons that help control the sleep-wake cycle that it is time to awaken, not to sleep.
6. Keep the light off when you go to the bathroom at night. As soon as you turn on that light you will immediately cease all production of the important sleep aid melatonin.
7. Eating a high-protein snack several hours before bed works for many (but not all as it depends on metabolic type). This can provide the L-tryptophan needed to produce melatonin and serotonin. Also eat a small piece of fruit. This can help the L-tryptophan cross the blood-brain barrier.
8. Avoid foods that you may be sensitive to. This is particularly true for dairy and wheat products, as they may have effect on sleep, such as causing apnea, excess congestion, gastrointestinal upset, and gas, among others. Additionally grains will raise blood sugar and inhibit sleep. Later, when blood sugar drops too low (hypoglycemia), you might wake up and not be able to fall back asleep.
9. Exercise regularly. It is best to complete your workout at least a few hours before bedtime. In general, exercising regularly makes it easier to fall asleep and contributes to sounder sleep. However, exercising sporadically or right before going to bed will make falling asleep more difficult. In addition to making us more alert, our body temperature rises during exercise, and takes as much as 6 hours to begin to drop. A cooler body temperature is associated with sleep onset.
10. Wear socks to bed. Due to the fact that they have the poorest circulation, the feet often feel cold before the rest of the body does. A study has shown that this reduces night waking.
11. Remove the clock from view. It will only add to your worry when constantly staring at it... 2 am...3 am... 4:30 am...
12. Use your bedroom only for sleep and sex to strengthen the association between bed and sleep. It is best to take work materials, computers and televisions out of the sleeping environment.
13. Using dimmer switches in living rooms and bathrooms before bed can be helpful.
14. Journaling. If you often lay in bed with your mind racing, it might be helpful keep a journal and write down your thoughts before bed.
15. Avoid caffeine (e.g. coffee, tea, soft drinks, chocolate) close to bedtime. It can keep you awake as caffeine is a stimulant, which means it can produce an alerting effect. Caffeine products remain in the body on average from 3 to 5 hours, but they can affect some people up to 12 hours later. Even if you do not think caffeine affects you, it may be disrupting and changing the quality of your sleep.
16. Avoid nicotine (e.g. cigarettes, tobacco products). When smokers go to sleep, they experience withdrawal symptoms from nicotine, which causes sleep problems.
17. Avoid alcohol close to bedtime. Although many people think of alcohol as a sedative, it actually disrupts sleep, causing nighttime awakenings. Alcohol will also keep you from falling into the deeper stages of sleep, where the body does most of its healing.
18. Avoid using loud alarm clocks. It is very stressful on the body to be awoken suddenly. If you are regularly getting enough sleep, they should be unnecessary.
19. Avoid drinking any fluids within 2 hours of going to bed. This will reduce the likelihood of needing to get up and go to the bathroom or at least minimize the frequency.
20. Sleep on a comfortable mattress and pillows. Make sure your mattress is supportive and have comfortable pillows. Make the room attractive and inviting for sleep but also free of allergens that might affect you and objects that might cause you to slip or fall if you have to get up during the night.
21. Listen to white noise or relaxation CDs. Some people find nature sounds like rainfall or ocean waves, or white noise soothing for sleep.
22. Herbs including chamomile and valerian are regarded as natural relaxants.
Happy Sleeping! :-)
According to a study published in the Lancet Medical Journal (1) chronic sleep deprivation may speed the onset or increase the severity of age-related conditions such as type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, obesity, and memory loss.
Just one week of sleep deprivation altered subject’s hormone levels and their capacity to metabolize carbohydrates.
During sleep deprivation the researchers found that the men's blood sugar levels took 40% longer to drop following a high-carbohydrate meal, compared with the control group (well rested group).
Their ability to secrete and respond to the hormone insulin (which helps regulate blood sugar) dropped by 30%.
Additionally, the sleep-deprived men had higher night-time concentrations of the hormone cortisol, (hormone released in response to stress), and lower levels of thyroid-stimulating hormone.
These raised cortisol levels mimic levels that are often seen in older people, and may be involved in age-related insulin resistance and memory loss.
So with that in mind here are some helpful tips to getting a good night’s sleep:
1. Get to sleep by 10.00 pm if possible – as most of the physical repair in your body takes place between 10 pm and 2 am. For example the gallbladder dumps toxins during this period. If you are awake then your liver is being overworked and perhaps sending toxins into your bloodstream.
2. Establish a regular, relaxing bedtime routine such as soaking in a hot bath and then reading a book or listening to soothing music. Some studies suggest that soaking in hot water before retiring to bed can ease the transition into deeper sleep, but it should be done early enough that you are no longer sweating or over-heated.
3. Create a sleep-conducive environment that is dark, quiet, comfortable, cool, and without interruptions. Design your sleep environment to establish the conditions you need for sleep. Also make your bedroom reflective of the value you place on sleep. If there is even the tiniest bit of light in the room it can disrupt your circadian rhythm and your pineal gland's production of melatonin and serotonin (growth and immune boasting hormones).
4. Avoid arousing activities before bedtime like working, paying bills, engaging in competitive games or family problem-solving.
5. Avoid exposure to bright light before bedtime because it signals the neurons that help control the sleep-wake cycle that it is time to awaken, not to sleep.
6. Keep the light off when you go to the bathroom at night. As soon as you turn on that light you will immediately cease all production of the important sleep aid melatonin.
7. Eating a high-protein snack several hours before bed works for many (but not all as it depends on metabolic type). This can provide the L-tryptophan needed to produce melatonin and serotonin. Also eat a small piece of fruit. This can help the L-tryptophan cross the blood-brain barrier.
8. Avoid foods that you may be sensitive to. This is particularly true for dairy and wheat products, as they may have effect on sleep, such as causing apnea, excess congestion, gastrointestinal upset, and gas, among others. Additionally grains will raise blood sugar and inhibit sleep. Later, when blood sugar drops too low (hypoglycemia), you might wake up and not be able to fall back asleep.
9. Exercise regularly. It is best to complete your workout at least a few hours before bedtime. In general, exercising regularly makes it easier to fall asleep and contributes to sounder sleep. However, exercising sporadically or right before going to bed will make falling asleep more difficult. In addition to making us more alert, our body temperature rises during exercise, and takes as much as 6 hours to begin to drop. A cooler body temperature is associated with sleep onset.
10. Wear socks to bed. Due to the fact that they have the poorest circulation, the feet often feel cold before the rest of the body does. A study has shown that this reduces night waking.
11. Remove the clock from view. It will only add to your worry when constantly staring at it... 2 am...3 am... 4:30 am...
12. Use your bedroom only for sleep and sex to strengthen the association between bed and sleep. It is best to take work materials, computers and televisions out of the sleeping environment.
13. Using dimmer switches in living rooms and bathrooms before bed can be helpful.
14. Journaling. If you often lay in bed with your mind racing, it might be helpful keep a journal and write down your thoughts before bed.
15. Avoid caffeine (e.g. coffee, tea, soft drinks, chocolate) close to bedtime. It can keep you awake as caffeine is a stimulant, which means it can produce an alerting effect. Caffeine products remain in the body on average from 3 to 5 hours, but they can affect some people up to 12 hours later. Even if you do not think caffeine affects you, it may be disrupting and changing the quality of your sleep.
16. Avoid nicotine (e.g. cigarettes, tobacco products). When smokers go to sleep, they experience withdrawal symptoms from nicotine, which causes sleep problems.
17. Avoid alcohol close to bedtime. Although many people think of alcohol as a sedative, it actually disrupts sleep, causing nighttime awakenings. Alcohol will also keep you from falling into the deeper stages of sleep, where the body does most of its healing.
18. Avoid using loud alarm clocks. It is very stressful on the body to be awoken suddenly. If you are regularly getting enough sleep, they should be unnecessary.
19. Avoid drinking any fluids within 2 hours of going to bed. This will reduce the likelihood of needing to get up and go to the bathroom or at least minimize the frequency.
20. Sleep on a comfortable mattress and pillows. Make sure your mattress is supportive and have comfortable pillows. Make the room attractive and inviting for sleep but also free of allergens that might affect you and objects that might cause you to slip or fall if you have to get up during the night.
21. Listen to white noise or relaxation CDs. Some people find nature sounds like rainfall or ocean waves, or white noise soothing for sleep.
22. Herbs including chamomile and valerian are regarded as natural relaxants.
Happy Sleeping! :-)
By: Craig Burton
Failing to learn to read is a devasting blow to a young child, and it is usually quite unnecessary. The underlying reason why many bright children find reading hard is that the early reading books they use encourage the wrong techniques. The warning signs are easy to spot.
The good news is that it is easy to correct.
How To Spot The Problem
The children we help have often seemed to do well in the early stages of reading. The alphabet is not a big problem for them and the child has often learnt a few words quite easily.
As things move on, the child starts to guess more words, sometimes with no relation to the word on the page.
Then the books get more complicated and the child's reading seems to go into reverse.
Eventually it all gets too much and the child's confidence collapses. By now it can be very difficult to progress in any direction because there will be heavy resistance to reading at all.
Without the right help, the child can get stuck in this state permanently, wrecking their entire education, even though we find it can usually be fixed in a matter of weeks.
The Cause
As a child approaches a task like reading, it is natural to use what seems the easiest approach. For a very visual child, memorising words by sight will seem the easiest thing to do.
The child will probably be taught some phonics in class. But that does not mean that it really makes sense. And it is hard for a teacher to really know that, or fix it in the time available.
The design of early reading books usually feeds this very situation. They use a small number of words and repeat them a lot. That makes them easy to read for a child who is memorising the words by sight.
But, unfortunately, the child's reading is not really progressing at all. And eventually you reach the end of the blind alley.
We need to guide the child out and carefully into the right direction.
The Simple Fix
The most important thing is to help the child get a handle on all the different phonemes being used in English. You need to give these abstract sounds dimensionality, so that they are easier to remember. For instance, in Easyread we use classic memory enhancement techniques and connect each sound to a bright, active and slightly surreal image. That makes them very easy for the child to use as a memory hook.
The next goal is to move the child away from the shortcuts being employed of memorisation and guessing. In Easyread we have developed games and exercises specially for this.
Once the child is redirected onto the right path, you need to make it easy to travel. Confidence is further built by steady reading practise. In Easyread we allow the child to read text unaided each day, by floating the images connected to each phoneme over the text. In that way, the child always has support when puzzling over a word.
With these changes in place, we see children who have been struggling for years crack the reading puzzle in a matter of weeks.
Failing to learn to read is a devasting blow to a young child, and it is usually quite unnecessary. The underlying reason why many bright children find reading hard is that the early reading books they use encourage the wrong techniques. The warning signs are easy to spot.
The good news is that it is easy to correct.
How To Spot The Problem
The children we help have often seemed to do well in the early stages of reading. The alphabet is not a big problem for them and the child has often learnt a few words quite easily.
As things move on, the child starts to guess more words, sometimes with no relation to the word on the page.
Then the books get more complicated and the child's reading seems to go into reverse.
Eventually it all gets too much and the child's confidence collapses. By now it can be very difficult to progress in any direction because there will be heavy resistance to reading at all.
Without the right help, the child can get stuck in this state permanently, wrecking their entire education, even though we find it can usually be fixed in a matter of weeks.
The Cause
As a child approaches a task like reading, it is natural to use what seems the easiest approach. For a very visual child, memorising words by sight will seem the easiest thing to do.
The child will probably be taught some phonics in class. But that does not mean that it really makes sense. And it is hard for a teacher to really know that, or fix it in the time available.
The design of early reading books usually feeds this very situation. They use a small number of words and repeat them a lot. That makes them easy to read for a child who is memorising the words by sight.
But, unfortunately, the child's reading is not really progressing at all. And eventually you reach the end of the blind alley.
We need to guide the child out and carefully into the right direction.
The Simple Fix
The most important thing is to help the child get a handle on all the different phonemes being used in English. You need to give these abstract sounds dimensionality, so that they are easier to remember. For instance, in Easyread we use classic memory enhancement techniques and connect each sound to a bright, active and slightly surreal image. That makes them very easy for the child to use as a memory hook.
The next goal is to move the child away from the shortcuts being employed of memorisation and guessing. In Easyread we have developed games and exercises specially for this.
Once the child is redirected onto the right path, you need to make it easy to travel. Confidence is further built by steady reading practise. In Easyread we allow the child to read text unaided each day, by floating the images connected to each phoneme over the text. In that way, the child always has support when puzzling over a word.
With these changes in place, we see children who have been struggling for years crack the reading puzzle in a matter of weeks.
Failing to learn to read is a devasting blow to a young child, and it is usually quite unnecessary. The underlying reason why many bright children find reading hard is that the early reading books they use encourage the wrong techniques. The warning signs are easy to spot.
By: David Morgan
Up to 25 percent of all children contend with the emotional pain of facial tics. This problem can most accurately be explained as a repetitive, continual spasm that affects the muscles of both the eyes and the face. The true cause is frequently unclear, but research has demonstrated a strong link between stressors and an increase in the evidence of symptoms.
Another explanation for the development of tics is deficiencies in essential vitamins or minerals, such as magnesium. In some cases, facial tics are symptoms of disorders of the nervous system, including Tourette syndrome, a health condition resulting from a malfunction of the nervous system. Tourette syndrome is thought to have a hereditary facet as well.
A few examples of a facial tic are rapid eye movements or eye blinking, squinting, mouth or nose wrinkling, twitching, grunting, mouth twitches, facial grimacing, facial twitches, and throat clearing. A tic often starts early in an individual’s physical development, and can last for only weeks, months, or even years. In some cases, the condition persists into adulthood.
Facial tics can persist and increase anxious disorders in a child already experiencing significant stress because of the condition itself. Children’s playmates are often extremely cruel, making fun of the child’s problem. Further, teachers who fail to understand and fail to help other students to understand and assist the child in conquering his problem can can create a devastatingly negative impact on a child’s self-esteem.
This issue, however, is not limited to the affected child. Adults who find themselves dealing with a facial tic find this extremely difficult to manage. These individuals often struggle with significant social difficulties. In some situations, a person can develop the ability to recognize the onset and control the impulse that results in the facial tic. Even this, however, can result in intense emotional and physical energy drains. Low self-esteem is often a major issue with which these people wrestle. Often, these individuals struggle with low self-esteem.
Adults who experience cessation of the humiliating effects of facial grimaces and other tics are afforded with an opportunity for social rebirth. Their view of themselves is altered, and they no longer are afraid to experience the fullness of life. Youths who overcome the effects of this disorder can be freed from the agonizing stress that impairs their social lives, and live with joy instead of emotional pain.
Sometimes, medications, such as mildly sedating drugs, can help treat this condition. While the medications may decrease the appearance of these symptoms, the medications themselves can often cause undesired side effects. For this reason, individuals frequently turn alternative therapies to help them in treating their condition.
Two treatment approaches that have offered exciting potential in helping persons to control facial tics are hypnosis and NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming). These therapies capitalize on the strengths of the individual’s unconscious mind to assist them manage the repetitive behavior. Because these therapies address the source of the difficulty through intervening in the unconscious where the problem originates, they are significantly more beneficial than traditional therapy approaches that just attempt to control eye blinking, mouth twitches, squinting, facial grimacing, facial twitches, grunting, or other types of impulsive behavior.
Hypnotherapy allows the person being treated to enter a peaceful trancelike state and accept suggestions that assist them to expel stress. Because tics are a result of suppressed tension within a person’s body, expelling this tension enables them to successfully control the spasm. After several sessions, the client ought to be capable of experience the ability to cope with tension successfully.
Those therapists who employ NLP assist the client to train his or her mind to use thoughts that stress them as triggers for thoughts that will relax them. Furthermore, the individual learns to use an unrelated part of the body, like a toe, to re-channel the tension that would in other circumstances be expressed by the facial tic. Through the use of this technique allows individuals to overcome tension without resorting to the humiliating impulse.
Another positive outcome of these two therapies is that the client is not subjected to adverse effects from medication type therapies. For this reason, both hypnosis and NLP are usually considered to be the treatment of choice for individuals who suffer from tics, such as nose wrinkling, or throat clearing, because these interventions do not have unwanted side effects. This avoids significant anguish and stress for the affected person.
Summary: Facial tics are often socially destructive and may yield serious consequences. Boys are most likely to experience this difficulty, which can persist into adulthood; however girls may also experience difficulties with tics. Although several treatment methods are available, hypnosis and NLP appear to be the safest methods, because they have no undesirable side effects and are very effective.
Up to 25 percent of all children suffer from the embarrassing annoyance of facial tics, which can still be evident into adulthood. The exact cause is undefined, even though medical research shows a strong link between stressors and an increase in the evidence of symptoms. This discussion examines the available treatments, as well as their advantages and weaknesses.
Another explanation for the development of tics is deficiencies in essential vitamins or minerals, such as magnesium. In some cases, facial tics are symptoms of disorders of the nervous system, including Tourette syndrome, a health condition resulting from a malfunction of the nervous system. Tourette syndrome is thought to have a hereditary facet as well.
A few examples of a facial tic are rapid eye movements or eye blinking, squinting, mouth or nose wrinkling, twitching, grunting, mouth twitches, facial grimacing, facial twitches, and throat clearing. A tic often starts early in an individual’s physical development, and can last for only weeks, months, or even years. In some cases, the condition persists into adulthood.
Facial tics can persist and increase anxious disorders in a child already experiencing significant stress because of the condition itself. Children’s playmates are often extremely cruel, making fun of the child’s problem. Further, teachers who fail to understand and fail to help other students to understand and assist the child in conquering his problem can can create a devastatingly negative impact on a child’s self-esteem.
This issue, however, is not limited to the affected child. Adults who find themselves dealing with a facial tic find this extremely difficult to manage. These individuals often struggle with significant social difficulties. In some situations, a person can develop the ability to recognize the onset and control the impulse that results in the facial tic. Even this, however, can result in intense emotional and physical energy drains. Low self-esteem is often a major issue with which these people wrestle. Often, these individuals struggle with low self-esteem.
Adults who experience cessation of the humiliating effects of facial grimaces and other tics are afforded with an opportunity for social rebirth. Their view of themselves is altered, and they no longer are afraid to experience the fullness of life. Youths who overcome the effects of this disorder can be freed from the agonizing stress that impairs their social lives, and live with joy instead of emotional pain.
Sometimes, medications, such as mildly sedating drugs, can help treat this condition. While the medications may decrease the appearance of these symptoms, the medications themselves can often cause undesired side effects. For this reason, individuals frequently turn alternative therapies to help them in treating their condition.
Two treatment approaches that have offered exciting potential in helping persons to control facial tics are hypnosis and NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming). These therapies capitalize on the strengths of the individual’s unconscious mind to assist them manage the repetitive behavior. Because these therapies address the source of the difficulty through intervening in the unconscious where the problem originates, they are significantly more beneficial than traditional therapy approaches that just attempt to control eye blinking, mouth twitches, squinting, facial grimacing, facial twitches, grunting, or other types of impulsive behavior.
Hypnotherapy allows the person being treated to enter a peaceful trancelike state and accept suggestions that assist them to expel stress. Because tics are a result of suppressed tension within a person’s body, expelling this tension enables them to successfully control the spasm. After several sessions, the client ought to be capable of experience the ability to cope with tension successfully.
Those therapists who employ NLP assist the client to train his or her mind to use thoughts that stress them as triggers for thoughts that will relax them. Furthermore, the individual learns to use an unrelated part of the body, like a toe, to re-channel the tension that would in other circumstances be expressed by the facial tic. Through the use of this technique allows individuals to overcome tension without resorting to the humiliating impulse.
Another positive outcome of these two therapies is that the client is not subjected to adverse effects from medication type therapies. For this reason, both hypnosis and NLP are usually considered to be the treatment of choice for individuals who suffer from tics, such as nose wrinkling, or throat clearing, because these interventions do not have unwanted side effects. This avoids significant anguish and stress for the affected person.
Summary: Facial tics are often socially destructive and may yield serious consequences. Boys are most likely to experience this difficulty, which can persist into adulthood; however girls may also experience difficulties with tics. Although several treatment methods are available, hypnosis and NLP appear to be the safest methods, because they have no undesirable side effects and are very effective.
Up to 25 percent of all children suffer from the embarrassing annoyance of facial tics, which can still be evident into adulthood. The exact cause is undefined, even though medical research shows a strong link between stressors and an increase in the evidence of symptoms. This discussion examines the available treatments, as well as their advantages and weaknesses.
Daniel Goleman, author of the book “Emotional Intelligence,” says, "If your emotional abilities aren't in hand...you are not going to get very far."
Your emotional intelligence is measured by your emotional quotient.
EMOTIONAL QUOTIENT
Where IQ measures your general intelligence, emotional quotient measures your level of emotional intelligence. In a sense, it’s an emotional inventory. Emotional quotient is the ability to sense, understand, and effectively apply the power of your emotions to build relationship compatibility. It can show you how to improve performance, personally and professionally. EQ also helps you gain awareness and control of your emotions in the workplace.
If you know your EQ, you can better understand how your emotions affect your choices and decisions. A high EQ can help you improve decision making by using your head, not just your heart.
There are five areas of emotional quotient, which fall under two categories - Intrapersonal and Interpersonal.
INTRAPERSONAL EMOTIONAL QUOTIENT - Self-Awareness, Self-Regulation, and Motivation
Self-Awareness - the ability to recognize and understand your moods, emotions, and drives, as well as their effect on others. Take an emotional test by rating yourself in these areas of Self-Awareness:
I rely on my intuition to assist me in my decision-making.
I can name my greatest strengths.
I am usually aware of the way I am feeling.
Self-Regulation - the ability to control or redirect disruptive impulses and moods and the ability to suspend judgment and think before acting. Take an emotional test by rating yourself in these areas of Self-Regulation:
I am calm even in tense situations.
I rarely make impulsive decisions.
I am willing to forego immediate gratification when on a budget.
Motivation - a passion to work for reasons that go beyond money or status, and the ability to pursue goals with energy and persistence. Take an emotional test by rating yourself in these areas of Motivation:
I seek out innovative ways of getting the job done.
I would continue to work if I won the lottery.
When I know what I want, I go after it.
Your Intrapersonal Emotional Quotient is the ability to understand and form an accurate concept of yourself, and be able to use that concept to operate effectively in life.
INTERPERSONAL EMOTIONAL QUOTIENT - Empathy and Social Skills
Empathy - the ability to understand the emotional makeup of other people. Take an emotional test by rating yourself in these areas of Empathy:
I can sense someone's true feelings based on their body language.
The emotional tone of an interaction is easy to decipher.
I would make a great therapist.
Social Skills - a proficiency in managing relationships and building networks. Take an emotional test by rating yourself in these areas of Social Skills:
I find it easy to establish common ground with somebody I have just met.
I have a wide circle of acquaintances.
I constantly look for opportunities to build relationships.
Your Interpersonal Emotional Quotient is the ability to understand other people and relate effectively to them; to understand what motivates others, how they work, and how to work cooperatively with them. Improving your EQ score is how to improve social skills.
Having a high emotional quotient can help you build strong relationships, reduce stress, and motivate yourself to get what you want.
In business, a high emotional quotient is how to improve performance. It can help you be more productive, improve decision making, and become a superior performer. You will be, as author Glenn Sheppard says, "the employee your company can't live without."
Daniel Goleman further says, "When I went on to write my next book, 'Working with Emotional Intelligence,' I wanted to make a business case that the best performers were those people strong in these skills."
A person’s Emotional Quotient is a strong factor in job performance. Companies and individuals seeking knowledge of how to improve performance would do well to understand emotional intelligence at work.
Your emotional intelligence is measured by your emotional quotient.
EMOTIONAL QUOTIENT
Where IQ measures your general intelligence, emotional quotient measures your level of emotional intelligence. In a sense, it’s an emotional inventory. Emotional quotient is the ability to sense, understand, and effectively apply the power of your emotions to build relationship compatibility. It can show you how to improve performance, personally and professionally. EQ also helps you gain awareness and control of your emotions in the workplace.
If you know your EQ, you can better understand how your emotions affect your choices and decisions. A high EQ can help you improve decision making by using your head, not just your heart.
There are five areas of emotional quotient, which fall under two categories - Intrapersonal and Interpersonal.
INTRAPERSONAL EMOTIONAL QUOTIENT - Self-Awareness, Self-Regulation, and Motivation
Self-Awareness - the ability to recognize and understand your moods, emotions, and drives, as well as their effect on others. Take an emotional test by rating yourself in these areas of Self-Awareness:
I rely on my intuition to assist me in my decision-making.
I can name my greatest strengths.
I am usually aware of the way I am feeling.
Self-Regulation - the ability to control or redirect disruptive impulses and moods and the ability to suspend judgment and think before acting. Take an emotional test by rating yourself in these areas of Self-Regulation:
I am calm even in tense situations.
I rarely make impulsive decisions.
I am willing to forego immediate gratification when on a budget.
Motivation - a passion to work for reasons that go beyond money or status, and the ability to pursue goals with energy and persistence. Take an emotional test by rating yourself in these areas of Motivation:
I seek out innovative ways of getting the job done.
I would continue to work if I won the lottery.
When I know what I want, I go after it.
Your Intrapersonal Emotional Quotient is the ability to understand and form an accurate concept of yourself, and be able to use that concept to operate effectively in life.
INTERPERSONAL EMOTIONAL QUOTIENT - Empathy and Social Skills
Empathy - the ability to understand the emotional makeup of other people. Take an emotional test by rating yourself in these areas of Empathy:
I can sense someone's true feelings based on their body language.
The emotional tone of an interaction is easy to decipher.
I would make a great therapist.
Social Skills - a proficiency in managing relationships and building networks. Take an emotional test by rating yourself in these areas of Social Skills:
I find it easy to establish common ground with somebody I have just met.
I have a wide circle of acquaintances.
I constantly look for opportunities to build relationships.
Your Interpersonal Emotional Quotient is the ability to understand other people and relate effectively to them; to understand what motivates others, how they work, and how to work cooperatively with them. Improving your EQ score is how to improve social skills.
Having a high emotional quotient can help you build strong relationships, reduce stress, and motivate yourself to get what you want.
In business, a high emotional quotient is how to improve performance. It can help you be more productive, improve decision making, and become a superior performer. You will be, as author Glenn Sheppard says, "the employee your company can't live without."
Daniel Goleman further says, "When I went on to write my next book, 'Working with Emotional Intelligence,' I wanted to make a business case that the best performers were those people strong in these skills."
A person’s Emotional Quotient is a strong factor in job performance. Companies and individuals seeking knowledge of how to improve performance would do well to understand emotional intelligence at work.
By: Annette Estes
Make Deliberate Choices
Intentionally choose how to use time. Time can be used pouring out your strengths, passions, skills, and values, and not be wasted. Our choices can make it such so choose wisely.
1- Know Your Priorities- For least resistance align priorities based on who you are. What is really important to you? List 3-5 top priorities in order. Look at them daily. What goals are most important right now for long-term fulfillment?
2- Be Aware of Time Bandits- Monitor how you spend time for 24-72 hours. Notice where time is wasted or how it can be put to better use. EX: Run errands once a week versus daily trips. Notice distracters, those things that steal your focus such as phone calls, e-mail, things breaking down, etc.
3- Set your Mind on the Ultimate Result- Thoughts guide behavior. Focus negatively, and you may get discouraged and quit. The Wright Brothers focused on the end result, 'what it takes to fly', not being grounded. Choose your line of thought or your brain will take a shortcut and choose the thought pattern/ habit that is in place, whether or not it serves you. It is a choice! You can accept or reject a thought. Choose a positive, results-aimed mind set always!
Develop Great Habits and a Structure to Support Your Actions
Many people are busy, but without the structure and habits in place to get the results they crave. Know that great habits with structure support you to complete primary tasks. You then get results which lead to more freedom to do what you want (without the fear or guilt).
4- Have an Efficient Scheduling System- Whether using a pda, home computer, or a planner, it is critical to have a structure that supports your planning style. I love the planner systems at www.day-timer.com and www.franklincovey.com which provide monthly calendars, daily appointment schedule, space for daily notes, and more in one efficient hand-held planner.
5- Schedule Priorities First, Block Time, and Take Action- Block time for priorities first, then follow through. Focus on how great you will feel after doing it. Block time for various roles and avoid multi-tasking to maintain focus. Do not do housework during business hours. Set yourself up for success by scheduling high energy tasks when you have energy and low energy tasks later. Stay fully focused to complete priorities with excellence. Give full attention to one activity at a time.
6- Set Time Limits- Set a time limit when you begin a task then stay focused. This takes practice. Most tasks take longer than we anticipate, but it will save time. Most of us could waste plenty of time on e-mail, but can save a lot when we set a limit.
7- Plan a Day Ahead- For most, each day is different. It helps to plan your schedule the day/evening before. Then you can jump out of bed in the morning with a smile on because you know exactly what to do.
8- Create Daily Habits that Serve You- What daily action would make the greatest positive difference? Examples: Spiritual studies, go to bed or wake up earlier, watch less tv, read, make three new contacts, drink more water, do something you love, limit time for e-mail, write, organize, plan, create, help others, etc. Make it specific. Ask which daily habits uplift you and which hold you back then make a shift.
Be in Action on What is Most Important
Reaching goals means taking the steps that get you there… no matter what. You are either interested or committed. Life will get in the way. Fear will want to hold you back. It is a choice to continue in action on the important stuff, and rewards come when you do.
9- Do It, Delegate It, or Dump It- It is easier to stay in action on priorities when you leverage your strengths, passions, values, and skills. Learn in action and gain experience. Delegate what is not your cup of tea. Dump what is not that important right now. Block time to handle tolerations that drain your energy such as clutter, repairs, etc.
10- Simplify and Systematize- Put systems in place to make things easier. Consistently seek the more efficient way. EX: position employees to leverage their strengths/ passions, run errands weekly when stores are low traffic, when you buy something get rid of something to avoid clutter, organize the office at the end of each day, give everything a home so nothing is ever lost. Strive for efficiency.
To organize life and manage yourself for peak performance you have to feel your best. This means scheduling rejuvenation time regularly to enjoy what you love and what life has to offer right now. Implement these tips and raise your quality of life… StartingNow!
Intentionally choose how to use time. Time can be used pouring out your strengths, passions, skills, and values, and not be wasted. Our choices can make it such so choose wisely.
1- Know Your Priorities- For least resistance align priorities based on who you are. What is really important to you? List 3-5 top priorities in order. Look at them daily. What goals are most important right now for long-term fulfillment?
2- Be Aware of Time Bandits- Monitor how you spend time for 24-72 hours. Notice where time is wasted or how it can be put to better use. EX: Run errands once a week versus daily trips. Notice distracters, those things that steal your focus such as phone calls, e-mail, things breaking down, etc.
3- Set your Mind on the Ultimate Result- Thoughts guide behavior. Focus negatively, and you may get discouraged and quit. The Wright Brothers focused on the end result, 'what it takes to fly', not being grounded. Choose your line of thought or your brain will take a shortcut and choose the thought pattern/ habit that is in place, whether or not it serves you. It is a choice! You can accept or reject a thought. Choose a positive, results-aimed mind set always!
Develop Great Habits and a Structure to Support Your Actions
Many people are busy, but without the structure and habits in place to get the results they crave. Know that great habits with structure support you to complete primary tasks. You then get results which lead to more freedom to do what you want (without the fear or guilt).
4- Have an Efficient Scheduling System- Whether using a pda, home computer, or a planner, it is critical to have a structure that supports your planning style. I love the planner systems at www.day-timer.com and www.franklincovey.com which provide monthly calendars, daily appointment schedule, space for daily notes, and more in one efficient hand-held planner.
5- Schedule Priorities First, Block Time, and Take Action- Block time for priorities first, then follow through. Focus on how great you will feel after doing it. Block time for various roles and avoid multi-tasking to maintain focus. Do not do housework during business hours. Set yourself up for success by scheduling high energy tasks when you have energy and low energy tasks later. Stay fully focused to complete priorities with excellence. Give full attention to one activity at a time.
6- Set Time Limits- Set a time limit when you begin a task then stay focused. This takes practice. Most tasks take longer than we anticipate, but it will save time. Most of us could waste plenty of time on e-mail, but can save a lot when we set a limit.
7- Plan a Day Ahead- For most, each day is different. It helps to plan your schedule the day/evening before. Then you can jump out of bed in the morning with a smile on because you know exactly what to do.
8- Create Daily Habits that Serve You- What daily action would make the greatest positive difference? Examples: Spiritual studies, go to bed or wake up earlier, watch less tv, read, make three new contacts, drink more water, do something you love, limit time for e-mail, write, organize, plan, create, help others, etc. Make it specific. Ask which daily habits uplift you and which hold you back then make a shift.
Be in Action on What is Most Important
Reaching goals means taking the steps that get you there… no matter what. You are either interested or committed. Life will get in the way. Fear will want to hold you back. It is a choice to continue in action on the important stuff, and rewards come when you do.
9- Do It, Delegate It, or Dump It- It is easier to stay in action on priorities when you leverage your strengths, passions, values, and skills. Learn in action and gain experience. Delegate what is not your cup of tea. Dump what is not that important right now. Block time to handle tolerations that drain your energy such as clutter, repairs, etc.
10- Simplify and Systematize- Put systems in place to make things easier. Consistently seek the more efficient way. EX: position employees to leverage their strengths/ passions, run errands weekly when stores are low traffic, when you buy something get rid of something to avoid clutter, organize the office at the end of each day, give everything a home so nothing is ever lost. Strive for efficiency.
To organize life and manage yourself for peak performance you have to feel your best. This means scheduling rejuvenation time regularly to enjoy what you love and what life has to offer right now. Implement these tips and raise your quality of life… StartingNow!
By: Beth Tabak
No, I'm not only referring to work here but any goal you're trying to achieve right now.
Before you can make progress towards any improvement or goal you need to ask yourself one all-important question. This step is often forgotten..
Ask yourself why.
Why are you doing whatever it is that you are doing?
If you focus on the why's behind what you think you want you will be so much more certain to succeed. You will be clearer when you need to decide. Your actions will be designed to help you make your dream reality.
Often low self esteem takes hold because of confusion about your purpose and reasons for what you're doing. Self-doubt grows out of confusion and indecision.
Don't be content to ask yourself what you want but also ask why you want it?
Go deeper and you will understand yourself better and be surer of your path ahead.
Always ask yourself why and what it is that you're really in search of. When you spend time digging into your real reasons for your decisions - you will find they are not the reasons you've been telling yourself for so long.
In the same way, looking at the why's may show you that what you're trying to achieve is not really what you need.
Focus on the why's and be clear about what you want...
Building your Self Esteem is not difficult..
It's not difficult to build your self esteem and confidence
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Aren’t holidays great? There are presents, food, time off work (for those fortunate enough), and time with family. However, the time with family can quickly turn into disagreements, which then lead to out right fighting. Its all too often the times we all think should be enjoyed turn into episodes of family drama.
Before getting together with family this holiday season, think about the triggers that cause these family problems. Maybe Uncle Bobby is the one who starts problems by drinking too much. Possibly it is Aunt Mildred who starts on a rant because Uncle Bobby is drinking too much, which then sends him into a defensive rant. Maybe there are past resentments that have not been dealt with since the previous year(s) and they are now resurfacing while everyone sits down to the table. I think you get the point…there can be a multitude of problems that can cause a family to dinner to become a scene of dysfunction.
What can you do different this year? Identify those triggers that have caused anger and/or arguments in the family and approach things differently this year. Is there a need to hold family gatherings at a different location? Would having an alcohol-free family get together likely make the day more pleasant?
If the problems during the holidays seem to hinge on one particular person, then I would recommend talking with this family member before the holiday season begins. It would be ideal to meet with them in person, if possible (or at least over the phone). This would allow you to express the concerns in a calm and caring manner. For instance, you could discuss how you would be more comfortable if a particular topic (insert family feud issue here) were avoided, so that everyone can have a nice family gathering. Be sure to use “I” and “we” language, instead of “you.” By discussing how “We would feel more comfortable if…” this will avoid making the family member with whom you are talking feel as if they are being accused.
I hope everyone has a very happy and enjoyable holiday season. Please remember that in order for things to get better, there has to be change. So, approach this season with the idea of “What can we do different?” When things are done differently, there is a chance things can get better. Holidays are for enjoying family, not starting or perpetuating feuds!
What can you do different this year? Identify those triggers that have caused anger and/or arguments in the family and approach things differently this year. Is there a need to hold family gatherings at a different location? Would having an alcohol-free family get together likely make the day more pleasant?
If the problems during the holidays seem to hinge on one particular person, then I would recommend talking with this family member before the holiday season begins. It would be ideal to meet with them in person, if possible (or at least over the phone). This would allow you to express the concerns in a calm and caring manner. For instance, you could discuss how you would be more comfortable if a particular topic (insert family feud issue here) were avoided, so that everyone can have a nice family gathering. Be sure to use “I” and “we” language, instead of “you.” By discussing how “We would feel more comfortable if…” this will avoid making the family member with whom you are talking feel as if they are being accused.
I hope everyone has a very happy and enjoyable holiday season. Please remember that in order for things to get better, there has to be change. So, approach this season with the idea of “What can we do different?” When things are done differently, there is a chance things can get better. Holidays are for enjoying family, not starting or perpetuating feuds!
About 5 percent of adults in the United Stated can be diagnosed with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. Dr. David Gutman, Director of Psychopharmacology at the Columbia East 60th Street Day Treatment Program, recently sat down with me to talk about Adult AD/HD.
“Adult AD/HD is basically a collection of symptoms of attention and hyperactivity issues that start in childhood. Adults with AD/HD have difficulty with paying attention and with getting things done. They get fidgety, and have a hard time sitting through meetings. Often, people describe that they get distracted by their own thoughts – one thought leads to another, leads to another, and so on. People with AD/HD often start working on one thing, get distracted by something else, and then forget what they were working on to begin with. They tend to put off tasks they have to focus on.” explains Dr. Gutman. “Typically, people come to see me, because they realize they have been struggling for a while. Sometimes, parents realize that they have an issue after their child has been diagnosed with AD/HD. Most frequently, though, it is a family member who urges them to seek help. “
Having AH/DH can have quite a toll on interpersonal relationships and a person’s self-esteem. “A person with AD/HD has a hard time paying attention.” says Dr. Gutman, “They often have difficulty structuring their time and prioritizing tasks. That’s why they tend to show up late to appointments or dates. They can be quite forgetful, and they tend to not pay attention or to interrupt frequently when others are talking. You can see how this can get quite frustrating for the people in the environment, particularly romantic partners and spouses. People get disappointed and fed up, and they feel mistreated. It’s hard to understand that someone with AD/HD is not behaving this way on purpose. In addition, AH/DH can also really affect the way people feel about themselves. Many people with AD/HD have been told in their childhood that they’re not living up to their potential. They commonly internalize this message, which can have negative consequences later in life. They often feel like they are flawed or not good enough, and that they are underperforming. This can really affect a person’s self-confidence. It is often a real struggle for people to figure out what their true potential is, and to develop a healthy sense of self-esteem.”
Dr. Gutman emphasizes that it is important to get a thorough evaluation. It is important to rule out other difficulties that could cause problems with attention, for instance, anxiety or mood disorders. Often, people also have issues with substances and it needs to be sorted out what causes the attention problems. Sometimes, people can have more than one problem, so that several co-occurring conditions may have to be addressed, or the may be a condition that can make the symptoms worse.
The prognosis, according to Dr. Gutman, is quite good. “The symptoms of ADHD respond very well to medication,” says Dr. Gutman, ”Of all the treatments we can offer in psychiatry, the treatment of AD/HD is the one of the most effective ones. Sometimes, people learn tricks and skills to help with attention and memory. Very often, though, people who come to see me have a lifetime of experience with trying different tricks, such as schedules, lists, or systems that help them to not lose things. The first-line medications for AD/HD are what we call stimulants: Medications such as Ritalin or Adderall, as well as the non-stimulant Strattera. They work very well for controlling the symptoms. Sometimes, if side effects are too bothersome, we may prescribe Wellbutrin or other medications, the Tri-cyclics. In all, medication is a very effective treatment for ADHD.
“Adult AD/HD is basically a collection of symptoms of attention and hyperactivity issues that start in childhood. Adults with AD/HD have difficulty with paying attention and with getting things done. They get fidgety, and have a hard time sitting through meetings. Often, people describe that they get distracted by their own thoughts – one thought leads to another, leads to another, and so on. People with AD/HD often start working on one thing, get distracted by something else, and then forget what they were working on to begin with. They tend to put off tasks they have to focus on.” explains Dr. Gutman. “Typically, people come to see me, because they realize they have been struggling for a while. Sometimes, parents realize that they have an issue after their child has been diagnosed with AD/HD. Most frequently, though, it is a family member who urges them to seek help. “
Having AH/DH can have quite a toll on interpersonal relationships and a person’s self-esteem. “A person with AD/HD has a hard time paying attention.” says Dr. Gutman, “They often have difficulty structuring their time and prioritizing tasks. That’s why they tend to show up late to appointments or dates. They can be quite forgetful, and they tend to not pay attention or to interrupt frequently when others are talking. You can see how this can get quite frustrating for the people in the environment, particularly romantic partners and spouses. People get disappointed and fed up, and they feel mistreated. It’s hard to understand that someone with AD/HD is not behaving this way on purpose. In addition, AH/DH can also really affect the way people feel about themselves. Many people with AD/HD have been told in their childhood that they’re not living up to their potential. They commonly internalize this message, which can have negative consequences later in life. They often feel like they are flawed or not good enough, and that they are underperforming. This can really affect a person’s self-confidence. It is often a real struggle for people to figure out what their true potential is, and to develop a healthy sense of self-esteem.”
Dr. Gutman emphasizes that it is important to get a thorough evaluation. It is important to rule out other difficulties that could cause problems with attention, for instance, anxiety or mood disorders. Often, people also have issues with substances and it needs to be sorted out what causes the attention problems. Sometimes, people can have more than one problem, so that several co-occurring conditions may have to be addressed, or the may be a condition that can make the symptoms worse.
The prognosis, according to Dr. Gutman, is quite good. “The symptoms of ADHD respond very well to medication,” says Dr. Gutman, ”Of all the treatments we can offer in psychiatry, the treatment of AD/HD is the one of the most effective ones. Sometimes, people learn tricks and skills to help with attention and memory. Very often, though, people who come to see me have a lifetime of experience with trying different tricks, such as schedules, lists, or systems that help them to not lose things. The first-line medications for AD/HD are what we call stimulants: Medications such as Ritalin or Adderall, as well as the non-stimulant Strattera. They work very well for controlling the symptoms. Sometimes, if side effects are too bothersome, we may prescribe Wellbutrin or other medications, the Tri-cyclics. In all, medication is a very effective treatment for ADHD.
As we start our workdays most of us have one thing in mind. No matter the task, whatever project is in front of us, the question is, how do we get from point A to point B as quickly and efficiently as possible so we can get onto the next thing? However, there is one key thing that is missing in this logic...
It's not only how to get from point A to point B as quickly and efficiently as possible, but how to do in a way that's not going to stress us out and leave our minds in turmoil.
The thing is, this issue isn't just in our work environments, but in our lives as well. At times it can seem like a mad rush to wake up, get ready, prepare meals, clean the house, run errands, and fit in exercise. Sometimes we're even trying to achieve relaxation as we "rush home from work to relax."
Achieving is bread into us at an early age, we're often trying to fit in and belong, wearing the right clothes, being skinny enough, or even pushing ourselves beyond the limits to get the highest grade.
Achieve! Achieve! Achieve!
That raises the question, what exactly is success? Is it trying to be the best at what you do at the risk of being a mess at the end of every day?
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I tend to agree with Michael Carroll, author of Awake at Work and The Mindful Leader, who defines success as effectively getting from point A to point B with greater ease about being who you are, where you are.
Sometimes it's really good to build little breaks throughout the day that are about stopping what we're doing and recalibrating the way we're doing it.
One great way is through the STOP practice. This is all about taking a break, steadying your mind, becoming aware of yourself in the moment and proceeding with more intention. Sprinkle this a few times throughout the day.
You can watch a video of it right here.
In doing this you can break out of your habitual patterns that may really not be serving you. They may be leading to some sense of achievement, but perhaps there's a way for you to be even more effective and come out the other end a bit saner.
Try it out a few times a day and see what happens.
As always, please share your thoughts, questions and stories below. What helps you? Your interactions here provide a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.
It's not only how to get from point A to point B as quickly and efficiently as possible, but how to do in a way that's not going to stress us out and leave our minds in turmoil.
The thing is, this issue isn't just in our work environments, but in our lives as well. At times it can seem like a mad rush to wake up, get ready, prepare meals, clean the house, run errands, and fit in exercise. Sometimes we're even trying to achieve relaxation as we "rush home from work to relax."
Achieving is bread into us at an early age, we're often trying to fit in and belong, wearing the right clothes, being skinny enough, or even pushing ourselves beyond the limits to get the highest grade.
Achieve! Achieve! Achieve!
That raises the question, what exactly is success? Is it trying to be the best at what you do at the risk of being a mess at the end of every day?
advertisement
I tend to agree with Michael Carroll, author of Awake at Work and The Mindful Leader, who defines success as effectively getting from point A to point B with greater ease about being who you are, where you are.
Sometimes it's really good to build little breaks throughout the day that are about stopping what we're doing and recalibrating the way we're doing it.
One great way is through the STOP practice. This is all about taking a break, steadying your mind, becoming aware of yourself in the moment and proceeding with more intention. Sprinkle this a few times throughout the day.
You can watch a video of it right here.
In doing this you can break out of your habitual patterns that may really not be serving you. They may be leading to some sense of achievement, but perhaps there's a way for you to be even more effective and come out the other end a bit saner.
Try it out a few times a day and see what happens.
As always, please share your thoughts, questions and stories below. What helps you? Your interactions here provide a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.
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