eHe was sent for "anger management." A father of two teenage girls and husband of a wife with (at least) drinking problems, he has been a client for many months. We have had little success with either moving forward or moving back. Change in any direction just didn't seem to want to happen. Part the way to separation and she suddenly became nice again, or part the way the drug and alcohol counselling, the conflict escalated until it was unbearable. Yet the family continued with violence and with occasion police intervention. The girls were struggling in a very big way. I sat with him wondering why. why could nothing be changed and why did he continue to sleep in the lounge room rather than just doing something- anything decisive.
The answer became clearer when he confronted me over a conflict. I wasn't able to help when he expected me to. The situation had escalated again and I asked him to wait an hour for an appointment. He left my office in a temper. I hadn't fulfilled his expectations and he felt very abandoned. He was willing to walk out and desert the change process; to give up, to chuck every thing in. I was willing to walk out and not change a thing. A pattern, I suspect, oft repeated at home. Again I had the privilege of seeing people as they really are, not just how they'd like to look. Again I had the privilege of not reacting like his wife; of not becoming angry myself; of just sitting and waiting for his return. What a wonderful moment when he came back and learned about himself; about how that pattern has failed him in the past and needs to change. Aahh...long term therapy can indeed be a important thing.
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