Psychology Self-Help | Self Help

"There is no question that a huge infusion of wealth to relatively young people has a disastrous effect on the marriage's stability," says Bern Clare, a Manhattan divorce lawyer.

In the world of hedge fund managers one can become an overnight multi-multi-millionaire. And with this new wealth come drama. High dollar value divorces are becoming more and more common among fund managers and with them, excessive demands. Just take a look at a few:

- "A case in which the dependant spouse insisted that she needed $800,000 a month in child support payments, even though she already had an income of $7 million a year. "The judge listened calmly and found she had plenty to maintain herself. Then he ordered $100,000" a month."

- "In one recent divorce, the entire settlement was hung up on the issue of whether the former wife would be given $500,000 or $750,000 a year to cover first-class air travel."

The reason why I decided to discuss this article is because I believe wealth interferes with many parts of our lives. Wouldn't you think that wealth would improve a marriage? Eliminating so many of the worries most of us have. But this is obviously not the case, and there are countless other areas where wealth damages our lives whether it be parenting, to our own internal happiness. As Dr. Richard Easterlin, one of the world's foremost economists explained: As a person’s income goes up, he or she doesn’t grow any happier in a lasting sense.

The point is wealth can be a vice without the proper foundation... A foundation where one understands that money is not a replacement for love, or a pre-requisite for happiness.

The title sounds like a bad joke but Slate.com took it seriously and did the math. There's this idea out there that "Americans should care more about their countrymen than about a bunch of foreigners." Well, let's just assume this is true. Then the question becomes how much more$?$

"Surely there's some limit; virtually nobody thinks, for example, that Americans should be allowed to hunt Mexicans for sport. So, exactly how much are you willing to hurt a foreigner to help an American? Is a foreigner's well-being worth three-quarters as much as an American's, or half as much, or one-quarter as much?"

"Virtually all economists agree that immigration makes us richer, not poorer. Every immigrant is a potential trading partner, a potential employee, and a potential customer. He bids down wages, but that's a two-edged sword: It's bad for his fellow workers, but it's good for employers and good for consumers."

After doing some pretty daunting economic analysis looking at the hourly wage benefit to a immigrant worker and loss to an American worker the bottom line is:

The immigrant gains $7 an hour, which as "actually worth about five times the American's $3 loss. In other words, to justify keeping the immigrant out, you'd have to say he's worth less than one-fifth of an American citizen."

A great article about the role email plays in modern work and life. Is it true that email "eats away at people's time, a minute at a time... [like] bleeding to death from a thousand pinpricks?"

Or is the following description a little more accurate?

"Many people who are addicted to e-mail are more correctly described as addicted to work. Lots of e-mail makes you feel important. E-mail addicts (like me) fear the empty inbox and, strangely, the potential freedom that e-mail provides. A BlackBerry can make you feel accountable at night, but it also lets you say, play golf, while still monitoring any situation that might come up. When business is conducted through e-mail, it shifts the responsibility of actually working off of the physical setting of the office and back onto you. That lack of structure, or the need to provide your own structure, can be uncomfortable. Still, you often find confident people who are immune to e-mail addiction. They just don't understand what the fuss is about. They check e-mail when they need to; they turn it off when they've got stuff to do. It's a tool that serves them. "

Set yourself some boundaries and follow them. Soon email will serve you as it serves many others.

I recently attended a conference focused on the unique generational shift that is currently going on. The Baby Boomers (born 1944-1962) are getting old while Generation X'rs (born 1963-1981) are taking their roles as adults, and Generation Y's (born after 1981) are entering the workforce. What does this all mean??? Society is going to change quite a bit.

Interestingly generation X is one of the smallest generations since The Depression, but is sandwiched between two of histories largest generations, the Baby Boomers and Generation Y. This is why you've heard that organizations are very concerned about the aftermath of the Baby Boomer retirement. The fear is that there will be a shortage of quality employees to not only take the roles left empty by exiting Baby Boomers but also the question of who will manage the large group of younger generation Y employees.

This put's Generation X'rs in a very unique position as the intermediaries between two very different groups that have and will shape the world as we know it. How are these groups different? To help you with this imagine each of the following people as representatives to their respective generations (I didn't come up with these):

Baby Boomers - Bill Gates

Generation X - (None, that's why we are signified by the X)

Generation Y - Paris Hilton

Now, you may look at these representations and come to the simplified conclusion that I think those from the Y generation are idiots and that our society is going downhill, but you'd be wrong. Many people actually believe this point of view to be true and justify their concerns with evidence about how Y's are unwilling to work hard, can't focus, and are clueless when it comes to social interaction (e.g. showing respect for their elders). But this is only a shallow view of what this group brings to the table.

The Bad Background: Y's were raised by wealthy, protective, and overworked Baby Boomer parents taking excellent care of them (or at least hiring someone to do so). As a result they have a great feeling of entitlement and little discipline. They don't believe in sacrificing today for happiness tomorrow. They want to be happy today and tomorrow. To go along with this is a deeply ingrained feeling of equality. In there eye's people are people; things like age are not significant or justifications for special treatment (remember these are the kids having temper tantrums in the market, yelling at their parents because they tried to stop them from getting Power Ranger cereal). Again this all sounds negative, but look a bit deeper and you may see things a bit differently.

Now, these characteristics don't appear to be as bad as they did before, do they?. When you add to this that Y's are resourceful, creative and fully integrated into the systems that Boomers still can't fully comprehend, and X's barely have a handle on, you find a group that is truly unique and definitely not inferior. That is except in one area: Focus.

It still waits to be seen whether Y's will have problems focusing on anything for long enough to really make any sizable impact. This is where the information overload, lack of discipline and constant connectivity may have hurt our newest generation. Will they be able to focus there energy, attention, etc. for long enough to meaningfully improve the world? I don't have the answer but I'll leave you with these quotes about managing Y's:

"Generation Y doesn't care about how much you know, until they know how much you care."

"Generation Y needs leaders not managers...Managers do things right; leaders do the right thing."

I know that most readers are aware that we are in a housing downturn after years of record setting home sales. Soon we will see how far this downturn will go.

Many, many people who purchased homes over the past 6 years did so through the use of an Adjustable Rate Mortgage (ARM). As I'm sure you know, the interest rates on ARMs are based on the established interest rates at the times meaning they fluctuate. Well, now many of these loans are set to reset to much higher interest rates in the coming months; more than 2 million of them to be more precise. This means that the interest rates on these loans could jump by 35% or more, undoubtedly putting far more financial strain on those who have them. It will be interesting to see what happens...

Why discuss this on this blog? Because people in the US, especially those on the coasts and large cities appear to be short sited. They take ARMs on homes that are beyond their means and give little thought to the consequences 5 or 10 years down the line. This issue does not just concern matters of money. Americans consistently look for quick fixes to lifetime problems. Whether it's liposuction, or get rich quick schemes, we look for ways to avoid hard work and perseverance. The result is a rocky, up and down cycle that leaves us with less than we began with.

I'm convinced that about half of what separates the successful entrepreneurs from the non-successful ones is pure perseverance.

Steve Jobs(1955 - ), Interview, 1995

"Nearly 50% of Americans between 21 and 32 have at least one tattoo or a piercing other than in an ear, according to a 2006 study by the University of Chicago and Northwestern University. Men and women alike say their tattoos make them feel sexy and rebellious, a 2003 Harris Poll found, while the unadorned of both genders see body art as unsightly and think those with tattoos and piercings are less intelligent and less attractive."

As I mentioned in my previous entry about emergence of Generation X & Y groups into working society, things are changing whether employers and institutions like it or not. Tattoos are becoming more and more popular especially with those who are thought to be creative or expressive types. Yet at the same time employers with "old school" values still find them unprofessional and even offensive.

It's interesting what people choose to judge as bad or no big deal. Simply think about what a tattoo is: A piece of art on someones body. Yet the stereotype that it carries is one that would be wholly unacceptable if it were geared toward something like race, gender or sexual preference. As the article explains, some of the world's largest organizations still have rules prohibit ting the employment of individuals who cannot cover all their tattoos. That is harsh, but I understand why they do it. They are scared that they will loose the business of their conservative customers, who have little else to do with there time then to be upset by someone elses appearance.

Now I know that tat's historically have certain affiliations with those from undesirous groups but when the statistics show that 50% of 21 to 32 year olds have at least one tattoo or a piercing other than in an ear, then perceptions have to change. It's now like all these people of gangsta's, or ex-cons.

"I absolutely don't want models who are too skinny... They are a bad example for young generations." Explained designer Raffaella Curiel who fired 15 models from her show in Rome because they were too skinny, complying with a fashion code signed by the Italian industry last year to combat anorexia.

I had never heard about this ban that came in the wake of a 21-year-old Brazilian model's death from anorexia a month earlier. At the time of her death the 5-foot-8 inch model weighed 88 pounds.

We all obviously understand the reasoning behind these new regulations but I am curious to know about the weight and height of the 15 models banned form the show. I mean where do you draw the line? I think anorexia and other eating disorders have a lot more to do with self-confidence and satisfaction than creating a certain appearance. Maybe this is the first step to make improvements or possibly a inane stab at addressing a problem that is more complex than we perceive it to be from the outside in.

Daniel Goleman, author of the book “Emotional Intelligence,” says, "If your emotional abilities aren't in hand...you are not going to get very far."

Your emotional intelligence is measured by your emotional quotient.

EMOTIONAL QUOTIENT

Where IQ measures your general intelligence, emotional quotient measures your level of emotional intelligence. In a sense, it’s an emotional inventory. Emotional quotient is the ability to sense, understand, and effectively apply the power of your emotions to build relationship compatibility. It can show you how to improve performance, personally and professionally. EQ also helps you gain awareness and control of your emotions in the workplace.

If you know your EQ, you can better understand how your emotions affect your choices and decisions. A high EQ can help you improve decision making by using your head, not just your heart.

There are five areas of emotional quotient, which fall under two categories - Intrapersonal and Interpersonal.

INTRAPERSONAL EMOTIONAL QUOTIENT - Self-Awareness, Self-Regulation, and Motivation

Self-Awareness - the ability to recognize and understand your moods, emotions, and drives, as well as their effect on others. Take an emotional test by rating yourself in these areas of Self-Awareness:

I rely on my intuition to assist me in my decision-making.

I can name my greatest strengths.

I am usually aware of the way I am feeling.

Self-Regulation - the ability to control or redirect disruptive impulses and moods and the ability to suspend judgment and think before acting. Take an emotional test by rating yourself in these areas of Self-Regulation:

I am calm even in tense situations.

I rarely make impulsive decisions.

I am willing to forego immediate gratification when on a budget.

Motivation - a passion to work for reasons that go beyond money or status, and the ability to pursue goals with energy and persistence. Take an emotional test by rating yourself in these areas of Motivation:

I seek out innovative ways of getting the job done.

I would continue to work if I won the lottery.

When I know what I want, I go after it.

Your Intrapersonal Emotional Quotient is the ability to understand and form an accurate concept of yourself, and be able to use that concept to operate effectively in life.

INTERPERSONAL EMOTIONAL QUOTIENT - Empathy and Social Skills

Empathy - the ability to understand the emotional makeup of other people. Take an emotional test by rating yourself in these areas of Empathy:

I can sense someone's true feelings based on their body language.

The emotional tone of an interaction is easy to decipher.

I would make a great therapist.

Social Skills - a proficiency in managing relationships and building networks. Take an emotional test by rating yourself in these areas of Social Skills:

I find it easy to establish common ground with somebody I have just met.

I have a wide circle of acquaintances.

I constantly look for opportunities to build relationships.

Your Interpersonal Emotional Quotient is the ability to understand other people and relate effectively to them; to understand what motivates others, how they work, and how to work cooperatively with them. Improving your EQ score is how to improve social skills.

Having a high emotional quotient can help you build strong relationships, reduce stress, and motivate yourself to get what you want.

In business, a high emotional quotient is how to improve performance. It can help you be more productive, improve decision making, and become a superior performer. You will be, as author Glenn Sheppard says, "the employee your company can't live without."

Daniel Goleman further says, "When I went on to write my next book, 'Working with Emotional Intelligence,' I wanted to make a business case that the best performers were those people strong in these skills."

A person’s Emotional Quotient is a strong factor in job performance. Companies and individuals seeking knowledge of how to improve performance would do well to understand emotional intelligence at work.

By: Annette Estes

Some relationships, markets, habits, whatever, are destined for failure. They are not worth your energy to succeed in. When the return is not worth the expense, do not invest in pursuing failures. Financial investors never make an investment knowing a return is less than the cost. They are the situations I want you to quit. The trick is being able to measure the required costs and expected returns.

Probably the best technique to identify when to quit is experience. I know you have experienced many highs-and-lows in life. Use them to your advantage. These experiences form your intuition, gut-feelings, second-nature, sixth-sense, or whatever you want to call it. You can sense when something is not going to work out. Unfortunately, with this technique you need to have experienced failures in a similar situation to your current circumstance.

Here's another technique to identify a failure. Let's say the problem is an argumentative co-worker. You wonder why a certain co-worker continually argues with you. After looking into yourself to see if you are doing something bad, such as poorly communicating, you can project this "bad" co-worker onto a co-worker that you get along with well. Identify what is different about this person. Visualize what characteristics make the situation a failure onto the successful situation, then see what similarities and differences exist.

Act on your new knowledge by adapting to what you learned. The adapting persons and animals survive and thrive while the stubborn persist and resist. The 1925 Nobel Prize winner in literature, known for his playwriting, George Bernard Shaw said, "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself."

One other technique you can use is to consult a mentor, talk to friends and family, or ask an expert in the problematic field. By talking to other people you overcome your perceptions and beliefs that filter reality. Other people can see what you cannot and potentially bring new knowledge to solve the problem.

If you see nothing in yourself that can be changed to succeed, and the situation continues to fail, it is okay to give up and let it go. In business, some markets will always be unprofitable. In relationships, some people will always be a pain to live with. Become a quitter and win!

I'm a firm believer in persistence. To go anywhere and become the person you want to be, you need persistence. You need the will to overcome the many obstacles and barriers you face. However, Anthony J. D'Angelo was quoted in saying, "Never let your persistence and passion turn into stubbornness and ignorance."

Don't make the mistake of giving up out of weakness, having a lack of desire, being lazy, acting stubborn, or not possessing the skills to handle the situation. Be strong, be smart. Identify the failures and learn from them to succeed.

I give you permission to relinquish the failing situations in your life. Stop dragging an anchor in your life that holds you back. Quitters can be losers; but the smart quitters win. Learn to quit and you will learn to win.

You've heard that quitters never win and winners never quit. That is a big lie. The trick is learning how to quit for success. Read on to learn the secrets of identifying failures so you can quit and succeed.

By: Joshua Uebergang

In this article we make an effort to uncover the secrets to great accomplishment in life. Often people think that to get higher level success in life requires great luck and skills, but researches shows that it is a much richer set of factors that come into play that decide whether or not one accomplishes or fails in any effort. There are different levels of life that a person may accomplish or not i.e. survival, growth, development, evolution, transformation, thinks to think about. The more level of accomplishment achieve by a person shows his success level in the life.
Maslow has also describe the human needs in following steps –

• Biological and physiological needs – it also called basic needs- air, water, shelter, hunger, sex, sleep etc.
• Safety needs- after fulfilling the basic needs people looking for safety needs- protection, security, etc.
• Belongingness and love needs- family, affection, relationship, friends etc.
• Esteem needs- achievements, status, reputation, responsibility
• Self actualization- personal growth and fulfillment

These five steps described the human needs step by step. After fulfilling the one need people think about next level need. The higher level of success in life comes in self actualization.

Living at the first need i.e. biological and physiological needs (basic level) one has a conscious or unconscious desire to remain at the current level of achievement in life. They are more concern about the next day meal, shelter etc. They are not attempting to rise above one’s current achievement, nor is there an effort to raise one’s own individual capacities. They are not thinking about the quantitative growth at one’s present level of life, let alone a qualitative movement to a possible upper level.

In the next level people think about their safety needs- protection, security etc. It is an expansion of basic level of achievement. Next level, people think about the belongingness and love needs- family, friend, love etc. up to this level people live as a common man. Those who cross these needs level and enter in next level i.e. esteem needs are called successful person in the life.

To get a higher level of success in life one has to cross this level and reach to self actualization needs. In this level person do not worry about all below level needs, he only focuses on his personal growth and fulfillment of life. This is the ultimate level of any success. In this level person try to be all that he can be attitude that encourages individuals to struggle and make an effort to be accountable and participatory citizens in the world today.

By: Nick Mutt

The Power of Thinking Positively

The importance of organizing your thoughts to always see the good in every situation

How a person views life has a huge and direct impact upon their life. Whether it’s your career, relationship, or hobbies, the kind of attitude you carry with you will necessarily color the atmosphere and actions of every aspect of your life.

So, what is your general perspective?

Are you generally well motivated letting nothing get you down? Or do you sometimes or indeed constantly view life as futile with the possibility of success and happiness just a dream in the distance which you are hardly likely to see come true.? Obviously, these are two extreme ends of the spectrum and most peoples lives run somewhere in the middle, but where do you fit in? Could you view life more positively? Can you take control of how you are thinking and start to see the good in any situation?

Today, there is little doubt that positive thinking has the power to change your life, but how do you train yourself to do it? What follows are some tips to use in order to start organizing your thoughts to see the positives in every situation, no matter how seemingly negative it may appear.

1. Believe in Yourself. It may seem a given that belief in yourself is essential to successfully navigate through each day, but how do we start thinking more positively about ourselves. Start by looking back at problems you had in the past and successfully solved. Quite often you will see that when the problem first appeared you had no idea how to solve it and was filled with fear and despair, but here’s the thing – you did get through it. Always remember that no matter what the circumstances, you have built within you the means to solve any problem. So start to believe that is true and move forward with confidence.

2. Set Goals. By making a list of short and long term goals for your career, relationships, and overall life; you’re verifying the importance of your own self worth. Not only are you making yourself a measureable action to achieve through motivation, but you are also justifying your belief in yourself and self confidence.

3. Expect Setbacks. Assure yourself that you will necessarily have setbacks on your path to short and long term success. By reminding yourself that problems, snafus, and setbacks are part of the process, you will be able to limit your disappointment when something goes amiss and also boost confidence when conversely, nothing goes wrong.


4. Stay on Top of Pessimism. When those pessimistic thoughts start creeping in, we all know how we are going to end up. We will think the worse and feel generally down in the dumps. However, if you catch yourself before the bad thoughts set in, you can replace the negative thinking with positive thoughts. This isn’t as difficult as it would first appear, but to do so, first we must understand where that pessimism is coming from.

5. Understand Negativity. Remind yourself constantly that turning negative when the chips are down, does not help your situation to get any better, and the more time and effort you spend having a bad attitude; the more time is wasted when you could be working towards a positive result.

6. See Failure as a Learning Experience. Surely, you have heard that to take setbacks on your path to success in your career, relationships, and whatever else you have your sights on as learning experiences. This is one of the best ways to stay positive. Every time there is a setback, stop and remind yourself that from the experience you will learn how to do it better next time. By organizing your thoughts to realize that each setback is an opportunity, you will be that more likely to succeed or at least closer to success by your lesson.

7. Reset Your Limitations. We all have self imposed limitations that we have put on ourselves, but they are not set in stone. It’s always good to extend your limitations of what you think you can achieve. You would be surprised how much you can do if you open up your self limits. Without doing so, you run the risk of not realizing your potential.

8. Accept Responsibility. Since you were a kid, your parents have probably told you to take responsibility for your actions and for all that happens in your life. These words, though annoying at the time, are priceless to staying positive and realizing your dreams of success. By taking responsibility you claim the situation as your own and even if there is a lot of negativity or despondency in that situation, if you own it you can change it, because it’s in your hands and not someone else’s.


9. Let Go of Failure. Once you have gleaned all the helpful information from your failures and setback, let the failures go. Once you have learned your lesson, the memory of the failure will only hold you back, it is useless, it’s happened, you have accepted it so simply let it go so you can start again. Learn what you need to better your next try at your goal, and then let go of the fact that you failed. Reminding yourself of the failure will hold your energies back from achieving the goals you have set out for yourself.

Lastly remember that failure is simply a perspective. Choose the correct perspective and failure becomes a launch pad to success. How? Well remember the words of Edison, when asked why he continued with his endeavors to invent the electric light filament after more than 14,000 experiments had failed. He replied “I have not failed, I have simply eliminated 14,000 ways that don’t work”. With an attitude like that he was always going to succeed and of course as history proves – he did. Remember this every time you switch on a light.

By: Mike Hooker