"All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." The opening line of Anna Karenina by Tolstoy
Reading this as a teenager hooked me in. I knew we had an unhappy family, and Tolstoy made me feel special. I can't remember the rest of the book, just a vague recollection that someone, somewhere ends up under a train.
In the UK there are many unhappy families. The shadow of war still hangs over British society. Twice in the twentieth century, half a generation of men died on foreign soil, and there their bodies lie still. Those who died were generally the gentle souls, not meant for war. In that hell where only the fittest and the strongest survived, sense and sensibility were slaughtered.
Matrix Psychology traces the pattern of unhappy families. Matrix Psychology sees people as either "Doings" or "Beings" that is observers and watchers. People either like to "Do", that is roll up their sleeves and get stuck in, or hang back, watch and wait until he or she knows what is going on and then have a go.
Every family needs a balance between Doings and Beings, between Thinking and Talking
Many damaged individuals of my generation are the results of "Doings" marrying "Doings". Each crumbling culture has its own problems and patterns. In the UK, the war favoured the "Doings" over the "Beings". If you are going to survive under fire, you can't wait around to get killed.
After the wars, with half the men missing, the Doing women, that is the more Robust women won the battle for husbands! Hence Doings married Doings
The result:
Business like relationships, lacking emotion, with a vague sense of dis- ease and children brought up by cold, unsympathetic parents. Small disconnected families add to the problems. The result, children with no sense of themselves, lacking emotional intelligence. These parents stayed together, from poverty, from duty and from tradition. Their children (my generation) made bad marriages, because they did not know what a happy family was.
My generation, the postwar baby boomers slept around, got divorced and handed their children and paid scant attention to preserving or developing family life. They or we rather we, had no idea what it was or why it might be important.
Nonetheless, I am encouraged by today's relationships. By some extreme process of trials and error, seem when they finally settle, to make Matrix Matches.
Thinking Doings seem to be linking with Talking Beings and Talking Doings linking with Thinking Beings, regardless of gender.
As far as my parents generation were concerned the Queen didn't help, as a Talking Doing she set the nation a bad example by marrying another Doing. Their relationship has been the business of monarchy, and it has been very profitable. On the other hand, Charles is a "Thinking Being" as was Diana, as is Prince William and as is Kate Middleton.
This is in stark contrast with Queen Victoria, a dynastic Talker Doing, who married the love of her life Prince Albert a Thinking Being. Between them they not only beget 9 children but an Empire and were a living, loving example of family life for the Nation and Commonwealth.
Copyright (c) Dr. Liz Miller
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Copyright (c) Dr. Liz Miller
