Dr. John Schinnerer, host of Guide to Self radio, talks with Dr. Shawn Dill, Director of Community Outreach for Life West Health Center in Hayward, California and a upper cervical chiropractor. The theory of chiropractics has always made sense to me: you make some adjustments, push some bones back in place, and you have a better circulatory response.
Yet, there’s always a twinge of fear in me right before getting my neck adjusted.
One of my issues with chiropractics was the lack of precision in the adjustments and the fact that there was no way to measure progress or quality of treatment.
Well, now that’s all changed.
Dr. Dill is practicing upper cervical specific chiropractic where the focus is on your head and neck (atlas and axis more specifically).
What’s more, each time you go in, Dr. Dill uses Computerized Infrared Thermography (images that track heat variability and in turn nerve problems) before and after your adjustment so that he CAN measure the results. This excites me. This has possibilities.
For those of you interested in learning the latest in physical health, stick around. This is your friendly neighborhood psychologist, Dr. John Schinnerer and you’re listening to Guide To Self radio on KDIA 1640 AM. http://www.guidetoself.com/.
Are you an avid listener? Call (925) 944-3440 for sponsorship opportunities. The owner of KDIA and KDYA has made some remarkable concessions in an attempt to support
Guide To Self. Email for more info on the remarkable sponsor package
now available. Info@GuideToSelf.com.
Duration:31 minutes, 13 seconds
MP3 File
|
|
|
|---|
Dealing with Disagreement for Couples
Dr. John Schinnerer
Guide To Self
(925) 944-3440
http://www.GuideToSelf.com
Cupid may help people fall in love, but he fails miserably when it comes to helping couples remain in love. That’s because the degree to which you love someone, amazingly, has little to do with how long your relationship lasts. The biggest secret to a happy relationship has to do with how well you deal with your conflicts – what you do when you get mad at your loved one!
Researchers can accurately determine if a couple will divorce simply by watching them talk about their differences for just five minutes. Using this little chunk of information, researchers are correct 91% of the time in uncovering those relationships that will endure versus those that will crash and burn.
In partnerships headed for divorce, a woman typically brings up an difficult topic by criticizing her husband. For instance, when the woman wants her spouse to fix the sink, she might say “You never do anything around the house.” The husband usually responds by getting negative and blaming his wife with comments like, “What are you – stupid!? You don’t appreciate all that I do! I never sit down.” Criticism and personal attacks pave the way down the road to divorce. If you want to end up divorced and alone, just keep on denigrating your spouse.
On the other hand, if you are open-minded and want to keep your marriage intact, then find healthy ways to communicate.
As it is far easier to DO something rather than NOT do something, I’m going to share with you 15 things to DO when you sense yourself getting angry with someone you care about (For example, “Don’t sit down” is a much harder command to follow than “Stand up.”).
So to keep your relationships going strong, I recommend these emotional tools:
Things to Do When You Begin to Get Angry
1. USE “I” STATEMENTS:
When you’re upset with your spouse, begin the conversation at a low level of intensity. Don’t start by with an attack. Instead use the I statements. Start by explaining how you feel and why you feel that way. Follow it up with what you need your spouse to do. For instance, “I’m frustrated by everything I have to do. The house is a mess and we have guests coming over tonight. I need your help picking up the house.”
2. STAY CALM WHILE LISTENING TO THE PROBLEM:
When your spouse tells you what’s wrong, stay calm. Fight the automatic urge to attack. Instead, ask your partner to be specific about what he or she wants like, “What do you need me to do?” If you’re too mad to be respectful, take time to calm down — go for a walk, watch TV, go to bed — before talking again. It’s always helpful to have a standing time out rule where anyone can take a break from a disagreement because they are too angry or emotional to continue. Nothing will get resolved if one or both of you are angry. First, get past the anger, then solve the dispute.
3. BE SILENT.
Close your mouth. Shut your pie hole. This is the single best thing you can do when you’re angry. Why? It buys you time to calm down and thus, to think more clearly. When you are angry, you are far more likely to say something that you later regret. Learn the art of silence.
4. LEAVE THE SITUATION.
Think of your anger on a ten point scale where 1 is calm and 10 is enraged. If your anger goes above a 5, take a time out. Walk away. Have a standing rule in your house that anyone can take a time out whenever things get too heated. Agree to come back to the issue later when things have calmed down.
5. LOOK AWAY.
Staring at another person when they are angry serves to heighten their negative feelings. Look away. Look at your shoes, the ceiling, the sky or a picture. Give the other person a minute to recompose him- or herself. Keep them in your peripheral vision. Just don’t look directly at them.
Guide To Self(C) 2005-06.
Top Things To Do When You Become ANGRY
15 things to do when you begin to realize you are starting to get angry.
Dr. John Schinnerer, host of Guide To Self radio, shares his best secrets on defusing your anger in tense situations with loved ones.
Guide To Self radio may be heard every Monday through Friday on KDIA 1640 AM. More shows available at http://www.guidetoself.com.
Duration:27 minutes, 43 seconds
MP3 File
The Secret to a Lasting Marriage - Correct 91% of the time!
Dealing with Disagreement for Couples
Dr. John Schinnerer
Guide To Self
(925) 944-3440
www.GuideToSelf.com
Cupid may help people fall in love, but he fails miserably when it comes to helping couples remain in love. That’s because the degree to which you love someone, amazingly, has little to do with how long your relationship lasts. The biggest secret to a happy relationship has to do with how well you deal with your conflicts.
Researchers can accurately determine if a couple will divorce by watching them talk about their differences for just five minutes. Using this little chunk of information, researchers are correct 91% of the time in uncovering those relationships that will endure versus those that will crash and burn.
In partnerships headed for divorce, a woman typically brings up an difficult topic by criticizing her husband. For instance, when the woman wants her spouse to fix the sink, she might say “You never do anything around the house.” The husband usually responds by getting negative and blaming his wife with comments like, “What are you – stupid!? You don’t appreciate all that I do! I never sit down.” And so on down the road to divorce.
If you want to keep your marriage intact, find a healthy way to communicate.
To keep your relationships going strong, I recommend these emotional tools:
1. USE “I” STATEMENTS WHEN TELLING ABOUT THE PROBLEM:
When you’re upset with your spouse, begin the conversation at a low level of intensity. Don’t start by with an attack. Instead use the I statements. Start by explaining how you feel and why you feel that way. Follow it up with what you need your spouse to do. For instance, “I’m frustrated by everything I have to do. The house is a mess and we have guests coming over tonight. I need your help picking up the house.”
2. STAY CALM WHILE LISTENING TO THE PROBLEM:
When your spouse tells you what’s wrong, stay calm. Fight the automatic urge to attack. Instead, ask your partner to be specific about what he or she wants like, “What do you need me to do?” If you’re too mad to be respectful, take time to calm down — go for a walk, watch TV, go to bed — before talking again. It’s always helpful to have a standing time out rule where anyone can take a break from a disagreement because they are too angry or emotional to continue. Nothing will get resolved if one or both of you are angry. First, get past the anger, then solve the dispute.
Dr. John Schinnerer talks with Dr. Jonathan Haidt, author of “The Happiness Hypothesis: Why the Meaningful Life is Closer Than You Think.” Jon is a professor at the University of Virginia. And his book is about ten Great Ideas. Each chapter is an attempt to appreciate one idea that has been discovered by several of the world’s civilizations: to question it in light of what we now know from scientific research, and to extract from it the lessons that still apply to our modern lives. It is a book about how to construct a life of virtue, happiness, fulfillment, and meaning.
Some of the questions asked include...
You use metaphors effectively to help readers understand complex ideas. Would you tell us about your rider (conscious mind) and the elephant (unconscious, emotional mind) metaphor?
You write that we are all hypocrites and so it’s quite hard for us to stick to the Golden Rule. Why are we so hypocritical?
What about the happiness hypothesis? Where do you think happiness comes from?
What are your thoughts about Nietszche’s statement, “what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger?”
How have our concepts of values and morality changed over the years?
Listen in to Dr. John Schinnerer every Monday through Friday on KDIA 1640 AM in the SF Bay Area. http://www.guidetoself.com.
Duration:27 minutes, 38 seconds
MP3 File
