Psychology Self-Help | Self Help

Many of you have felt this way - when you're hungry, your personality might change because your body is crying out for sustenance. Or you might be sick, and find yourself acting crabby, not realizing that you're sick until you're laid out in bed. I have fought on and off with headaches for a decade, and find that when my head is hurting the worst, I can act my worst. And then, for women, there is PMS or PMDD....

I really feel for people who have constant physical pain. I knew a guy who was injured in the military from a parachute not opening when it was supposed to. His whole body was injured in the fall, but he had to be relieved from duty because of his back pain never getting better.

He was (probably is still) a very sweet and bright person, who could come across as short-tempered. He would go home at night and call me because he was having a hard time sleeping because his back pain was just so awful. But the point I'm making is that sometimes physical pain, or sometimes your physical body (being hungry, needing sleep, being hormonal because of periods, etc) can change your personality.

If someone had met this guy and didn't know about his constant pain, maybe they would think he was just a jerk. He'd say things quickly and brusquely, and sometimes wouldn't stick around to hear your answer (because he needed to walk to straighten out his back). Without knowing this (and he didn't come right out and say it), what would you think? Probably that he was a jerk. When he really wasn't at all - just reacting to his constant pain.

I can't imagine how hard that must be (and hope never to), and really try to be understanding with people. You never really know what another person is going through. Just looking at the surface of anyone, you're not going to know whether they're grieving a loved one, or just having a bad day. We don't live in the shoes of others, and the most we can do is withhold judgment, empathize, and be patient.

If you're someone who is suffering with physical pain on a daily basis, my heart goes out to you. Try to remember that other people may not understand, and even though you may not like to constantly explain yourself, that it may be necessary for you to have a smoother world.

Physical pain is hard enough without having to deal with emotional pain as well.

Take care,

Rose

So, I've had a rough couple of days, although I believe (and hope!) it'll be better today.

I've put a lot of work, time, passion and effort to do things that didn't turn out 100%. I tried very hard, but all my effort resulted in negatives. I was crushed, but had to tough it out. I've heard negatives every day this week, and have felt really small.

There's very little worse than walking around at your normal height, but feeling about 2 inches big. Being constantly reminded on the outside is doubled when you're telling yourself exactly the same things. It's hard not to feel as if you yourself are inferior, when really it's not you, it is your actions that didn't have the desired result.

Other people can separate themselves from the work that they do, but this is not something I've learned how to do. My brother says, "I'm not a trucker. I'm a man who drives a truck for a living." And that's really important to him that people understand that he is who he is, not what he does. For me, I'm the opposite, but need to learn not to be. Just because I tried and failed doesn't mean that I am, personally, a failure. Even though it feels like it.

I've always taken failures personally. It started when I was fighting for my mother's guardianship. I tried valiantly for years, but was ultimately unsuccessful at it, and had to watch for years while she was not treated with the love and compassion and dignity, or even the basic care she deserved. Other people number my successes quite highly, but I tend to only see the failures. I know this is something I need to change, but haven't figured out how.

I tend to accept how other people are, and don't believe in trying to change people. I think that's arrogant - that someone thinks they are better than you and that you need to change. I am happy to change, when I see the way.... I understand that growth can be painful, but I am happy to do it, in my own time, and in my own way, and if I can see where the growth is going to lead me.

I learned a long time ago, that you really have to turn off your emotions to be successful at a job. It's taken time and effort, but I'm usually pretty good at this, but there are situations where they come out in force. I don't like this, but I understand it's a human failing.

If I were to list my successes, I would say, finding my sweetheart, helping a lot of people, being a huge reader, being published in two books and in 12-14 journals, getting a scholarship because of my writing, graduating from college, getting promotions most places I work, having my art work in galleries, selling my art work from galleries, getting into, and getting scholarships to law schools, paying bills and keeping a roof over my head, and being a good and loyal friend and family member, and a good caretaker of our animals.

But it's weird that I don't see my successes, and it's especially hard to see them when I'm feeling as big as Thumbelina. I wish I knew how other people do this. I don't know how anyone gets the courage to face the day sometimes when every step is an effort, and there may be more negative emotional things to deal with in your day.

So, yeah, I guess I'm feeling blue today, and have been all week. I don't know how to be less invested in the things that I do. I always want to do the best job possible, although sometimes it doesn't work out that way.

Anyway, thanks for listening all, and

Best Wishes,

Rose

LOL, you probably don't want to read this - I'm just writing to wake up!

I'm sitting here, a little later than normal, drinking coffee and trying to wake up enough to write sentences that make sense. Kitten is watching me from her favorite perch (my printer - sigh), and Mama kitty has not yet added new holes to my legs in her effort to get up on my lap and snuggle.

I have a blanket wrapped around me, and have just finished my morning reading. Work was good yesterday, and I may have started a new friendship. My sweetie, my best friend, and my mom (I know it's confusing, don't worry about it - another post, another time) all e-mailed me last night and this morning, so it's nice to be on other people's radars. Especially the radar's of those I love.

Some mornings are tough, you hit the snooze alarm, and it seems like you could sleep for much longer. It can take all your effort to get out of bed and then once you are, if you're like me, you sit there blinking and drinking coffee until your brain wakes up!

It's amazing what gets us out of bed. Usually what does it for me, is a line from The Invitation (Oriah Mountain Dreamer), and because I'm half asleep I'm not going to say it right - "Do you have what it takes to do what needs to be done to feed the children." That's the line that usually gets me out of bed - not that I have children to feed, but I want to do my part in taking care of my boyfriend, and the little furry friends we have. There are many things I can do for others that I have a hard time doing just for myself. Keeping the roof over our head is a big one.

I've let our house become a mess, and it bothers me and comforts me at the same time. I hate seeing it disorganized, but I also feel peace looking at the stuff we have, especially blankets, pillows, food and books. I have always gotten a sense of happiness and gratitude looking at these things. I just hope no one shows up for a surprise visit, because I would not let them in until I've gotten the clutter back under control!

One cup of coffee down, one half to go. I marvel at my large cat, Dapper Diamond - he's over 2 feet long, and just in general a very big boy. When he was a kitten, I used to be able to hold him in the palm of one hand! I don't know that I've ever seen a bigger cat - he's just meaty - big-boned, super long, and a little chubby - LOL. I've been thinking of trying to make things in our home for him to exercise with, but I don't know what to make.

Christmas shopping for my sweetie's family is just about done, but there always seems to be more people we need to buy presents for. I love buying presents for people, but need to have the money to do it. My honey and I may not be able to trade presents to each other, but I think we'll take a lot of satisfaction in watching others open theirs.

I've been very blessed in my life, especially this past year. I have a new job that I really love. We have adopted two cats (Mama and kitten)so they wouldn't go to the pound. I have a wonderful boyfriend, amazing future in-laws, a best friend who is so amazing you wouldn't believe it, and a unique and loving, although small, family.

I love this house we're living in. It has everything I ever dreamed of in a starter home - high ceilings, two bathtubs, lots of space, in the middle of a very pretty little town. Don't get me wrong - it's really, really ugly and run-down on the outside, but once you step inside, it's like a completely different house.

I have met some new people on a forum that I talk to regularly online, and that's helped me feel less lonely in this new state I'm living in. I know that online can't beat in person, but for me, it's been really welcome.

Anyway, 6:45, time for me to get dressed and head out the door. I hope today will be a good day, filled with the things I value - harmony, serenity, new challenges to work through, and just generally peace in general.

I wonder how much more coffee I will need just to wake up this morning - lol. I hope you all have extremely wonderful days today - filled with happiness and really good things.

All best,

Rose

This blog won't apply to everyone, but I believe it will apply to a lot of people.

I know I've read somewhere that the most suicides happen in the month of December. This kind of goes along with my last blog, but really Depression during the holidays is very common. The weather has changed, and we're entering the heart of the dark winter. Men are more likely to show their depression through extreme irritability or fits of anger, while women may become more withdrawn and sensitive. Put these two together, and oh boy!

There is beauty in this time though, and those who are prone to holiday Depression need to remember this. There is beauty in the lights, and the music. There is beauty in the quietness of snow and being alone in a holiday that is filled with images of togetherness.

It's easy to see what you don't have, but it's harder to see, sometimes, what you do have. Being a natural loner myself, I know how hard it can be to watch all the propaganda of happiness everywhere, when you are not yourself feeling the joy you're 'supposed to.' It's hard to fight against the 'supposed to's' and 'should's' but you should really try. There is a falseness about this holiday as there is about most holidays. But, you are not yourself false, you are very real. Your feelings are valid, and important--don't brush them away because of a 'supposed to.'

There are possibly millions of people hurting during the holiday season. Feeling pain because they can't afford the presents they want to buy for people, or feeling alone, either in the midst of people or separated by them. There are an untold number of reasons individuals can have difficulty with this season.

I believe that you should do your best to make this a month of things that are important to you. Sometimes you need to take extra care of yourself during times like these that bring out such strong emotions.

Don't worry about your weight right now, that can wait until New Year's. Become like a child again and eat sugar cookies shaped like Santa. Buy yourself a little present, and tuck it away until Christmas. When no one is watching make a snowball and throw it at something. Sing "I want a hippopotamus for Christmas" when alone in your car. Little things, quiet things, secret things that are uniquely you--these are what will get you through the holidays.

And don't forget to look for beauty. That still beauty, not the frenetic beauty being advertised. It's both out there, and inside you.

All best,

Rose

It's getting close to the holidays, and this is a really big emotional time for a lot of people. Some get profoundly depressed, while others get very excited. For some people, this is the only time of year that people see their families. For others, it means a lot of work for no appreciation.

The media makes it a happy time, but it isn't for most people I know. People drum up false enthusiasm because they feel like they are supposed to. It seems to me that it's easy to feel disappointed in the holidays, partly because, for many, they would like them to look different.

Parents of children, whether young or teenagers, work to make this an especially wonderful time of year for children, who are really the heart of the holidays. Giving gifts to children and watching their joy, is one of the most fulfilling things about this holiday.

I enjoy finding gifts for people, and do my best to get them something they will actually enjoy. It's hard when you've put a lot of effort into thinking of a gift for someone, and they are not happy with it, but really, all you can do is try.

I don't think anyone should force themselves to be enthusiastic. In my opinion, it makes people more miserable in the long run. Yes, you may have to drum up enthusiasm for other people on the day of, but if you're not feeling it, I don't think you should have to fake it before then.

Personally, I'm actually really excited about the holiday this year. Although I wish I could do more, it'll be my first Christmas with my sweetie's family, all of whom are really great people. But holidays haven't always given me something to look forward to, and I know how tough these holidays can be for people--and how many breakdowns occur for people during this month. Hang in there. There are many of us out here who understand.

Best wishes,

Rose